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Review of The Devil's Rain!

A Collection of Stupid Images from The Devil's Rain:

Do you doubt the dumbness of
The dumb Devil's dumb Rain?
Well here are just a few dumb images that show a dumb fraction of the dumb dumbness of this dumb movie. There are more, but these are DAMNED DUMB!

YEAH RIGHT!
An early ad for The Devil's Rain manages to be both rich with spoilers and inaccurate in its description of a very friendly looking Borgnine as "Satan On Earth", a somewhat (for him) scary looking Albert as "Devil Destroyer", Lupino, looking like June Cleaver as "Demon Sacrifice" (come ON!), vogueing Shatner as "Tortured Soul" (which he was until the deal for Star Trek the Motion Picture was signed) and the vaguely intoxicated looking Wynn as "Faceless Follower". Now, if you think these are LIES, then read the remarkably misleading promise beneath their head shots:
"Absolutely the most incredible ending of any motion picture ever!"
Yeah, spending your last ten minutes padding out the film with the singular special effect you could afford does not "incredible" make, especially compared to "any motion picture ever!" LIES! LIES!! LIES!!! LIES!!!!


Crapping Coins, barfing Green!

The long, needling credit sequence is played over a series of theoretically frightening paintings that actually look like a cross between M.C. Escher and Mark Nodel slumming for scraps. Meanwhile a cacophony of moans, screams and agonized cries, supposedly of the tortured souls of "The Devil's Rain" are heard saying things like "HELP ME!" and "LET ME OUT!". I'm quite sure the audience didn't notice as most of them were making the same sounds and saying the same things. My "favorite" of these corn-cheese-ball images is the above detail of one dude vomiting (he must have watched the dailies) into a pit, while another goober is actually crapping out Spanish Gold Doubloons right on top of the puke. Nothing says "scary" like nausea and incontinence. What is this, some Horror Flick for retirement homes?


Oh... Mother, I've......... neverfeltthiswaybefore

"Mark shares a "Moment" with his "Mother"! Ew!


John, John, John!

So as not to leave the Help out of his affections, "Mark" shares another "moment" with "John" (Santa Claus-looking Woody Chambliss)! That's just a Gorby Birthmark.


VINCENT VEGA!

John Travolta in his first film role. It's a damned good thing that he's barely recognizable, or else this might have been his last. I know, I know, the idea of John Travolta joining a strange Religious Organization is completely beyond belief, I know!
"BLASPHEMER!"
At least Kotter welcomed him back!


STOP LAUGHING, BILL, WE'RE ROLLING HERE!

Borgnine has successfully created a character with the approximate consistency of boiled bacon! Occasionally he even turns into "Lucifer" (or a gnu, I'm not sure), in whose form he can remember... a few things. Here he's attempting to steal TJ Hooker's soul through the ancient and terrible art of making funny faces! I'm pretty sure Shatner was not screaming but laughing really hard here!


Where's Jamie Lee Curtis when you need her?
The result of Captain Howdy's curse on Captain Kirk! You can laugh and make "Slipknot" jokes all you want, but the novelty mask based on this face was the very one used by Michael Myers in Halloween! I know it sounds like something I'd ass around about, but it's true, neighborinos!


HUMPH!!!

"WHAT, you're all having a party and I'm not invited? Well, damn, then! Well, then the heck with you! The heck with ALL of you!"


Just, just burn it!

The poster again. The fire effects were added to make this look scarier, but doesn't it actually kind of look like someone just decided to deface the damned thing? Don't worry, all the actors had rebounds in their careers after this movie. Except Anton.