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Feliz Navidad, tambien, Amigos y Amigas!
Welcome Back to both of you WorldsGreatestCritic.com fans...
for those of you still remembering that this site exists, it's time once again to carve into the annual traditions of THE TURKEYS!
A month ago today, we honored the tradition of presenting The Thanksgiving Turkey (on Thanksgiving, natch) and now it's time to pluck this year's Christmas Turkeys on Christmas Day... or, in this case... the day after. Sue me. My daughter's more important!
We started this "celebration" way back in 2006 with a murderous Santa tale called Christmas Evil and have presented another bad bird to skewer each year.
Last year we revisited the theme of the first Turkey with another Killer Santa story called Silent Night, Deadly Night, Part 2. This year, the nostalgia bug is not yet dead, so it's time to revisit something we touched on with the 2009 Christmas Turkey, which was an awful movie that actually hailed from the Republic of Turkey called 3 Dev Adam, but better known around the world as Captain America and Santos Vs. Spider-Man.
This year, my little Smurfs, let's travel back to Turkey to enjoy a sample of yet another slice of Turkish Cinema that is, if possible, even worse than the last one. Like its predecessor, it goes by many titles. While originally and formally it is known as Dünyayi Kurtaran Adam, audiences around the Outer Rim of that Galaxy Far, Far Away know it better as "Turkish Star Wars"!
Now if you find this blatant rip off hard to believe, imagine how I feel! I can't believe that I have now reviewed no less than THREE films starring Aytekin Akkaya! MERRY CHRISTMAS to all and to ALL a good BITE!!
(December 26, 2013 [The day AFTER Christmas Day])
Wait, wait, wait, don't fall into that Tryptophan coma just yet!
Thanksgiving isn't just about family and friends and fixin's... it's also about The Thanksgiving TurkeyWorldsGreatestCritic.com style!
Need to catch up on the saga? Elementary, dear readers (much like my writing)!
What can only be described as a (whacked out) serialized novel kicked off in 2005 with the rotting CORPSES attempted flight and crashed in 2006 with BIRDS II: LAND'S END, got decidedly fishy with 2007's turkey JAWS: THE REVENGE, took a Santa Claus sidestep with CAN'T STOP THE MUSIC, time traveled to the vigilante turkey called EXECUTIONER PART II, hit a new low in 2009 with Troll 2, stunk up the jungle in 2010 with RoboWar, proved that a cigar shaped saucer(!) could be a Turkey in 2011's PLAN 9 from OUTER SPACE, proved that neither space nor Frankenstein could possibly make less sense in 2012 with Frankenstein meets the Spacemonster, then hit its latest low in every way with 2013's Ghoulies II.
Could it BE any worse than that?
Well, in that last one we left Kneumsi stranded in the future with a confusingly young Nagas. Will the story start making sense or get even more ridiculous? Noting that this year's Turkey happens to be Hellraiser: Revelations, I think you know the answer to THAT bullshit.
(November 27, 2014 [Thanksgiving Day])
It's Oscar Night and you know what that means on
WorldsGreatestCritic.com! Yes... it means I've been lazy for another three months. Bite me. You write ME something! Indeed, folks, the most popular and well-known annual article, (that hasn't moved over to PopMatters.com yet) is still (probably) The Dead Man of the Year award! It's given out once per year to honor one of the true greats who has gone before us and has left the world of Entertainment a better and more memorable place to to enjoy due to his or her influence!
So you've waited a whole year now? Who could it be?
Do you think I'd reveal who the Dead Man of the Year is so soon?
Sure, why not?
It's Bruce Lee. Bruce... fucking... LEE!
You didn't think I was going to tell you, did you?
So, sit back, relax and read The 2013 Dead Man of the Year article and see just why it was this great and memorable dead man! (March 02, 2014)
Feliz Navidad, Amigos y Amigas!
Welcome Back, WorldsGreatestCritic.com fans!
Our tradition of presenting both Thanksgiving Turkeys on Thanksgiving and Christmas Turkeys on Christmas Day started back in 2006 with Corpses and Christmas Evil respectively and we kicked the asses of both a stupid Zombie film and a bizarre film about a Serial Killer Santa Claus!
In short, you won't be enjoying a delicious meal with THESE Christmas Turkeys, because they're actuall DOGmeat (especially the joke from 2 years ago... Mac and Me)!
This year we come full circle and roll on back to the same Killer Santa story with the idotically bad movie called Silent Night, Deadly Night, Part 2, and while this film is certain to make you laugh, you're really NOT gonna like it!
MERRY CHRISTMAS to all and to ALL a good FRIGHT!!
(December 25, 2013 [Christmas Day])
Happy Thanksgiving, far and wide!
And you know what Thanksgiving means on WorldsGreatestCritic.com!
But of COURSE... The Thanksgiving Turkey has finally arrived!
The Saga of Time Travel, Revenge, Food and Bad Movies continues now with a new, terrible movie.
The serialized novel started in 2005 with the awful CORPSES, continued in 2006 with BIRDS II: LAND'S END, became a nasty floater in 2007's turkey JAWS: THE REVENGE. The saga then continued that same year, but at CHRISTMAS with CAN'T STOP THE MUSIC and shifted back in time to 1994 with 2008's chapter, EXECUTIONER PART II, began its revenge plot with that LEFTOVER from 2009, an ANTI-Classic known as Troll 2 and just when you thought it was safe to go back intoto the Kitchen, I gave you the Bad Italian Rip-Offs like RoboWar in 2010, followed by 2011's very obvious Turkey, PLAN 9 from OUTER SPACE and finally we slapped our way into Frankenstein meets the Spacemonster in 2012... at the end of which, the dread Kneumsi was abducted by Aliens.
How will his story turn out?
You'll find out in the next exciting chapter known as Ghoulies II. It's... it's bad. Just... bad.
But exciting! And funny!
(November 28, 2013 [Thanksgiving Day])
Neo Noir in a Flying Car: Mister X: Eviction #1:
The "psychetecture" of Radiant City, the fedoras, Zoot suits, art deco and Lois Lane hairstyles, all rendered in a mix of drab and brilliant colors... it's all there in Dean Motter's Mister X: Eviction…
April 30, 2013
Staying on "Message": "East of West #2":
The Old West, crossed with scifi, crossed with the Apocalypse, crossed a tale of supernatural revenge… Hickman and Dragotta offer a seductive and beguiling blend of genres inside a strong, tight story…
April 24, 2013
This review was a long and complicated time coming. The Power of Few, as its title suggests, affirms a faith in transformation initiated from outside the usual framework.
In short... The Power of Few is Experimental in More Ways Than One!
April 09, 2013
Two Album reviews in one day? Yep. One classic and finished-too-soon rock band from the GRUNGE era was Mad Season, made up of members of Alice In Chains, Pearl Jam and other bands.
Tragedy cut the band's lifespan short, but what we have is brilliant... and now that we have Mad Season: Above (Deluxe Edition), we have even MORE to love... audio, video, bonus tracks... it's great.
Rest in Peace... in any season.
April 05, 2013
Remember when I used to write CONCERT reviews? Well, here you go!
Years ago at the Coach House Concert Hall I had the opportnity to meet Frank Black, possibly my all around favorite musician.
In the ensuing years, he has gone back to his previous stage name of "Black Francis" and has continued to experiment.
The good news is that he is still one of the best live acts you can see.
PopMatters.com initially sent me to interview the former Pixies frontman, but his publicist indicated that he wasn't doing press right now...
So I was added to the guest list and the "interview" became a "review"... This review: Black Francis: 22 March 2013 - San Juan Capistrano, CA with opening acts Kim Shatuck and Davis Fetter.
April 03, 2013
TO BE CONTINUED... is no April Fool's Joke. Who IS that White Rabbit? It's... Usagi Yojimbo and he's more than just a cute rabit.
In the last consciousness conquering installment of "To Be Continued..." we explored the saga of Grendel, a character who debuted at the advent of the black and white comics boom of the early 1980s. This time, we're cutting a swath through an incredible story as we Follow the White Rabbit: Miyamoto Usagi Yojimbo.
When we meet again NEXT WEEK only at PopMatters.com! We’ll still be discussing anthropomorphic animals, but these guys are anything but sweet and cuddly.
April 01, 2013
Remember when I used to write movie reviews? Well, here you go!
Director Charles Band has made a number of very good and transcendant B-Movies.
This is not one of them.
Talk about missing your own point, dude!
Check out the reviewga for Ooga Booga (instead of watching the movie).
Bad can be good, but sometimes BAD is just BAD!!!
March 26, 2013
And now... a little story about a BOY... and his MOTHER... Sound sweet?
It might be if we weren't talking about Norman Fucking Bates... and HIS mommy.
Trust me, folks, this is NOT your Mother's Psycho.
Read all about 'Bates Motel': A Boy and His Mother.
How did Norman become such a Psycho? Read all about it!
March 18, 2013
And now my first comic book review for PopMatters. I'm VERY proud of this one and I believe it's worthy of being called "Worlds Greatest!"
Even better? The first Comic Book review for them is about Hellboy!
Hellboy in Hell #4 displays Mike Mignola at his very best--in a house in Hell, Hellboy enjoys a slow-paced conversation with witch-hunter Sir Edward Grey, the Kolchak to Hellboy's Mulder... The Homecoming Chance: "Hellboy in Hell #4".
March 7 2013
And now the moment that WorldsGreatestCritic.com fans the WORLD OVER have been waiting for... though the moment came in The Next Reel, my incredible monthly column from PopMatters.com.
For years on this site, I've been singing (well, typing) the praises of a certain stunningly beautiful Italian ingenue named Margie Newton. This lovely and talented actress was underrated in her career, partially because on the cusp of taking Hollywood, she vanished from the screen.
For almost as many years, I've been looking for the answer to why she left and where she went... And now I have it... The best part is that the article I've been dying to read is actually an article I had the pleasure of writing.
And here it is... my interview with Margie Newton has spawned the next... Next Reel, entitled: Italy's Lost Bellissima Actress, Margie Newton, Re-Appears in The Next Reel.
Read her story and figure her out. You will not regret it.
March 01 2013
The amazing new TO BE CONTINUED... swings back into action with none other than THE CAPED CRUSADER.
Yes, folks, two words for you... Bat... Man! Yes, I realize "Batman" is one word, but it sounds so dramatic that way. Work with me here, people!
Now is the TIME, the TIME is NOW... So don't miss... Spotlight on The Dark Knight: "The Smile on the Bat". It's most certainly not written by some JOKER!
February 26 2013
Are you kickin' for more ANIMATION reviews from your dear, sweet Brother Kneumsi? Then look no farther... just dive right into my review of the Out There series premiere.
February 22 2013
And now... the moment you've all been waiting for.
It's Oscar Sunday in just a few days, and you know what that means on
ritic.com! Yes, it's our most popular and well-known annual article, The Dead Man of the Year award! It's given out Annually to honor one of the true greats who has gone before us and has left the world of Entertainment a better and more memorable place to to enjoy due to his or her influence!
Now, the wait is over and the Eighth annual Dead Man of the Year award has finally been given out, researched, written, codified and even Spell Checked (a little).
Who is the 2012 honoree? Sit back, relax and read The 2012 Dead Man of the Year article.
It may surprise you once again! (February 21, 2013)
And now for the third and FINAL 'To be Coninued...' covering THE HECKLER
This week wraps "To Be Continued's…" look at would-be classic '90s jokester the Heckler, and it's the wildest ride yet…
We talked about how he was created and the unique comic life he lived... NOW LET'S TALK ABOUT HOW HE DIED!
Recollecting 'The Heckler' Part 3: "Who Heckles the Heckler?"
Are you THERE, God? It's ME, the HECKLER! (February 19, 2013)
The only thing I haven't mentioned about my reviewing for PopMatters.com is that sometimes I get syndicated in print and in other media.
The most recent of these is of course, my review for the first ever Simpsons property to be nominated for an Academy Award...
Maggie Simpson Stars in 'The Longest Daycare': Where Babies Face Off...
Will Maggie win... or will Baby Gerald wreck her chances?
(February 17, 2013)
Some surprises emerge in Zero Hour's rearrangements of adventure show clichés, mixing Nazis and ancient secret societies into a plot based in 21st-century international criminal conspiracies.
Don't miss The Clock is Ticking in 'Zero Hour'
... and Happy Valentine's Day!
(February 14, 2013)
And the GRIDDED PAGE of 'To Be Continued...' does indeed continue.
In this Column, we serialize (most of) our articles and that brings us laughing and chortling to...
Recollecting 'The Heckler' 2: Behind the Scenes, Behind the Mask
... see who this wacky HECKLER really is and why donned the tights... if he cares.
(February 12, 2013)
The REALITY TV reviews continue PopMatters.com's take on how TV is going to THE DOGS... 'Alpha Dogs': Training Hero Hounds which reveals a very serious job done by very serious people, but also takes time to show how much these dog trainers love what they do.
(February 08, 2013)
That's not to say that The Next Reel isn't going strong. Although it took a Holiday Break, my film column is back
in full force.
So what's the BUZZ?
With Texas Chainsaw 3D's release, the question of what the "True Story" (if any) really was, is catching the buzz, again.
Still think it's real? Then you should check out No Texas, No Chainsaw, No Massacre: The True Links in the Chain... The triumphant return of THE NEXT REEL debuted on the SAME Day as the debut of the new blog 'TO BE CONTINUED...' and so I Rule!
(February 05, 2013)
It's ELVIS' Birthday, are you ready for my first WorldsGreatestCritic.com Year End Retrospective? Well, too bad... I wrote it for PopMatters.com.
What are the best moments in movies of 2012?
What are the best comic book movies in 2012?
Get serious, this is me...
We're talking about slamming them both together... for this...
The Best Comic Book Moments in 2012 Movies And it kicks MORE ASS before breakfast than most articles kick ALL DAY LONG!
(January 8 2013)
Smurfy Christmas, every Smurf!
For those of you new to WorldsGreatestCritic.com, a long-standing tradition of ours is to have both a Thanksgiving Turkey on Thanksgiving and a Christmas Turkey on Christmas Day.
"Turkey" may be a delicious meal, but it's also a classic name for a BAD MOVIE, a BOMB, a DOG, a stinker, etc. While we have many, many traditions on this site, easily the FOURTH most popular is the Christmas Turkey!
Last year, the ridiculous Mac and Me was the miserable experience! How could we possibly top that one? Why with Showgirls, of course... but I forgot to review that one and did a different bad movie instead (don't worry, it does have nudity).
This year's filmic equivalent to babysitting during "The Terrible Twos" is a foul fowl called Raw Force, and while I am quite sure you'll agree that sounds like a bad, bad movie based on title alone, apparently the distributors didn't think that title conveyed quite the noxiousness and poison of just how AWFUL this movie really was, so they unceremoniously changed the title to Kung Fu Cannibals to ensure that nobody could possibly mistake the agony that awaited them!
And this one's got all the WORST ingredients! Piranha attacks, terrible lines, ridiculous canned music, bad pick up lines, great nudity and, my absolute favorite... Zombie Martial Artists.
What could be better? Or... Worse?
The movie is horribly done, but the review is also badly written, so you'll have more than a few reasons to feel bad.
MERRY CHRISTMAS, and GOD BLESS US, EVERY ONE!
(December 25, 2012 [Christmas Day])
INDIE INTERLUDE: There is more to come very soon from The Next Reel, but let's not forget that we do still review movies on WorldsGreatestCritic.com!
Since our last movie review was about Frankenstein... kind of... what is more FITTING to follow it up than a brand new review about Dracula?
Does DRACULA terrify you?
That Blood Sucker is scary as hell, but he's not quite as horrifying as... Dracula's Lawyer!
I got a little scared just TYPING that!!!
(December 03, 2012)
November has been a BOFFO month for The Next Reel, my own popular PopMatters.com film history column!
Not one but TWO columns have hit the top spots on that site starting with the technical magic of one of the most fascinating and difficult types of shots, explored in the article The Pragmatic Anarchy of the Long Take.
Take ALL THE TIME you need with this one! (THE NEXT REEL... Volume V)!
(November 27, 2012 [originally debuting on PopMatters.com on November 09, 2012])
Happy Thanksgiving, every Smurf!
And you know what Thanksgiving means on WorldsGreatestCritic.com! Yes! It's... Thanksgiving Turkey Time!!!
The Saga of Time Travel, Revenge, Food and Bad Movies continues now with one of the worst of the bunch...
How could we POSSIBLY top 2011's PLAN 9 from OUTER SPACE???
Elementary, my dear True Believers... by going one step further and watching (in a strange mixture of Boredom and Pain) as Frankenstein meets the Spacemonster!
The real question is what you'll find MORE boring... the movie or the review!
(November 22, 2012 [Thanksgiving Day])
Still a bit more time needed before the 2012 Thanksgiving Turkey from WorldsGreatestCritic.com is ready, so TRY to enjoy the leftovers from Last Year... in the form of one of the worst movies ever made... ever, ever, ever... and the point at which things went TOTALLY INSANE....
Yes, it's PLAN 9 from OUTER SPACE... and it's WORSE than you remember!!! STAY TUNED FOR THIS YEAR'S TURKEY, folks!!!
(November 22, 2012 [Thanksgiving Day])
How about that Thanksgiving Turkey from TWO YEARS AGO?
Just when you thought it was safe to go back to the Kitchen, we get horribly invaded by Bad Italian Rip-Offs like RoboWar...
You will NOT want to watch this one.
So read about the story instead!!!
(November 22, 2012 [Thanksgiving Day])
How about a different kind of Morsel to chew on While you're waiting for the 2012 Thanksgiving Turkey?
The 2009 Christmas Turkey took up the Mantel of the bizarre story and sent it far, far into the future... with a crappy movie from the past...
It's called CAN'T STOP THE MUSIC... and it's anything but Festive!
(November 22, 2012 [Thanksgiving Day])
Our Entree this year is almost ready... Yes, I just added another unnecessary layer of Glaze to our forlorn Thanksgiving Turkey!
SO... have some more LEFTOVERS from 2009 with an ANTI-Classic known as Troll 2...
Sequel Turkeys Suck Severely!!!
(November 22, 2012 [Thanksgiving Day])
Because Sequels have become STAPLES of the Thanksgiving Turkeys, 2008 took a bizarre Time Travel Turkey Twist with EXECUTIONER PART II...
Yes, it DID get worse after the JAWS movie!!!
(November 22, 2012 [Thanksgiving Day])
In the meantime, check out how the ongoing Thanksgiving Turkey's story arc started with the 2005 Turkey, CORPSES!
(November 22, 2012 [Thanksgiving Day])
Last month on the actual 50th anniversary date of the first James Bond film, my film column debuted a fascinating and in-depth James Bond article.
A month later on the actual release date of "James Bond 23": Skyfall, the NEXT Next Reel was published (don't miss it).
This new 007 flick is a sight to see, recalling some of the coolest aspects of the saga that made us all fans and delving back into some of the less-explored (yet textually canonical) aspects of James Bond's history.
It may not be perfect, but this is truly a kick-ass Bond Flick. Don't miss Skyfall! When it falls, it won't miss you! (November 12, 2012)
INDIE INTERLUDE: Who the HELL are you voting for this year? Please tell me you're not planning to just write in "Spuds Mackenzie" again... because that's neither clever, nor topical anymore!
Well, whatever party you're voting for... it's clear that there is no perfect candidate... or... wait, is there?
Dave Campfield thinks he's found the guy and if I hadn't already voted, I'd have to say... I'd have to pause and think about this one!
Who is it? Put your comedy caps on and read all about it, because the time is right for... The Perfect Candidate... JUST in time... for election day! (November 05, 2012 [Guy Fawkes Day])
It's time once again for WorldsGreatestCritic.com's Halloween Tradition of having a Halloween Movie review every October 31st to spread its stale wings and flop itself out on your couch once again. And, as you know, the year before last, we ran out of those crazy-ass Michael Myers flicks, having reviewed them ALL... so we've started celebrating the day itself and the movies that make it cool.
Although, judging from this year's entry... I think my idea last year about Switching to celebrating Rosh Hashanah instead might have been a better idea.
Last year we got a smart and daring horror tale called Trick 'r Treat, which proved that the tradition could stay alive... BUT THIS YEAR... we're stuck with some bullshit from The ASSylum called Halloween Night!
Trust me... it's even LESS inspired than it sounds! (October 31, 2012)
The worst movie ever made (according to some) has a prequel! Remember Troll 2, the incredibly bad butt blister that makes one miss the relative joy of tooth aches? The furor over Troll 2 is so strong in many cases that it's easy to forget that it purports to be a sequel... so what the hell is Troll?
Besides being a bunch of total dicks in chatrooms and message boards, it's another B-Movie with a surprisingly recognizable cast and some of the weirdest plot points and visuals I've ever seen, man! Check out Troll (1986), or, at least, check out the review so you won't have to watch the movie, man!
(October 10, 2012)
The wait is finally over and my most anticipated film of the last TWO years has finally debuted in the United States! What is it? Obviously, it's the third film adaptation from the 2000 AD comic programs. Yes, yes... the first was Hardware (1990) and the second was, of course, Judge Dredd (1995).
While the Judges were edited out of Hardware and the 1995 film might as well have been a lesser version of Demolition Man (1993), the new film does something remarkable... it remains accurate to the source material while delivering a solid, excellent cinematic experience.
Run, don't walk, to the movie theatre now and check out Dredd (2012)! Believe me when I say that this time... Judge Dredd, the man, he is THE LAW!
(September 21, 2012)
And now for a special WorldsGreatestCritic.com announcement. The second article for PopMatters.com's film column, The Next Reel was launched this past Thursday morning to immediate popularity. I am very proud to have written this article and to get the comments from so many people saying it has been an education for them!
On Friday, the 3rd of August, I received an email from Ralph Bakshi, the director of American Pop and confirming that every word was true. Because of this article, the supporters of this article and the good friends who helped promote it and put it in front of Ralph Bakshi, the director is now back in touch with the star of his film... Mister Ron Thompson!
Please read, like, share, tweet... spread the word about this article, entitled 'American Pop'... Matters: Ron Thompson, the Illustrated Man Unsung. This is a very different kind of article... but it, too... has got Brains!
WorldsGreatestCritic.com is still going strong, better than ever... and this partnership and still-new column is helping to make it truly great!
(August 06, 2012)
The most commercially successful (and critically acclaimed) Superhero film series of all time has come to an end with its most ambitious tale yet this weekend and it's sure to be one of the biggest films of all time.
The saga started in 2005 with Batman Begins, reached incredible box office heights in 2008 with The Dark Knight and burns to its explosive closure with 2012's Kick Ass final entry The Dark Knight Rises!
I'll go on record now as saying that, yes, this is a good movie, no it's not the best of the series and NO, it is not what the press and fans love to claim that this series has been: "Realistic".
It can be a hell of a lot of fun, as well as thrilling, touching and thought-provoking at times. It's still hard not to want a little more out of the end of this highly lauded series.
(July 22, 2012)
Welcome Back to the Rock of WorldsGreatestCritic.com, true believers! First off, if you haven't read my second article for PopMatters.com, featuring a very cool and spoiler-free interview with Leif Gantvoort, do so now.
But, lest you forget that I built my writing career on Movie Reviews, let's get right on back into the movie he's in now...
Yes, folks, the wait is over, though the "too soon for a reboot" questions are still popping up all over the globe.
The great news is that THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN is totally worth the wait and is a great time in the movie house! Is it perfect? No, it's got it's flaws... and I'll cover them in the review... while also talking about how great it still managed to be. Swing in now!
(July 04, 2012)
WorldsGreatestCritic.com is excited to announce that our own J.C. Macek III is now a columnist for one of the biggest arts & culture magazines in the world... the awesome PopMatters.com!
Yes, the brand new and super-kick-ass new column, The Next Reel kicks off in a BIG way with it's first article, specializing in a completely surprising subject that none of you would ever, ever, ever expect...
Yes, Yes, folks! Check out the first column in this new era of greatness The Zombification Family Tree: Legacy of the Living Dead! It's got BRAINS!
And fear not, all of you WorldsGreatestCritic.com fans, the site with the great, unique and irreverent reviews and the horrible web design isn't going anywhere. In fact, we're going on stronger than ever. Kick Ass, baby!!!
(June 21, 2012)
And now for one of WorldsGreatestCritic.com's favorite independent filmmakers! Yes, I realize we have a lot of favorites here on this site, but in this case we're talking about the awesome Rel Dowdell, writer, director, scholar... teacher!
His last film got some serious love from this website (all well deserved)!
His new film is called Changing the Game and it is, most assuredly, for the thinking person!
Read the review any way you want to... but when you watch the film (and you should), don't go into it with distractions. You'd be doing yourself a great disservice (not to mention Rel Dowdell himself and the talented cast and crew who made this film happen)!
(June 14, 2012)
Ah, how WorldsGreatestCritic.com shows its diversity! Enough about aliens... Let's talk Prometheus! Are you ready to taste the Promise... of Prometheus?
Is it the original? What is?
Is it original? Oh hell yes!
Is it brilliant? It is indeed!
A couple of flaws here and there and a couple of predictable moments, but any self-respecting Alien fan who doesn't find something to love in this film had better check their pulse... they may be dead!
Anything more would be saying too much... so check out the review for Prometheus and check out the film itself! Face the Jockeys of Space!
(June 10, 2012)
It's time for more... Alias Smith and Jones... That's right, kids, the Galaxy Protectors are back... in Black.
As in the Men in Black!
Are you watching your back? Are you awaiting your visitation? From the Men in Black?
F? You see K?
Why? OH YOU!
Time to say Hello to Men in Black III!!! Back in Black! Back in TIME! Back for MORE!
(May 27, 2012)
Those of you expecting, nay DEMANDING, a review of Lilyhammer will have to sit on their hands for a little while longer because something much bigger has taken precedence.
I am, of course, talking about Earth's Mightiest Heroes, the last best hope we have for surviving the apocalypse, that assembly of the awesome, that culmination (so far) of the Marvel Cinematic Universe... all rolled into one big, huge Joss-flavored shell with Marvel sprinkles!
The story blasted off in 2008 with Iron Man and The Incredible Hulk (which was a smash), continued its flight in 2010 with Iron Man 2 and went back to the 1940s and to another world in 2011 with Captain America: The First Avenger and Thor... each one hinting at the big assembly of some sort of initiative!
And now... it's finally here!
Yes, Ladies and Germs, it's time for The Avengers to Assemble... and kick some @$$!!!
(May 06, 2012)
You know how they say every story's already been told? Shove The Cabin in the Woods in their face. Eventually, I might even review that one.
Today, you get this instead... a rehash (albeit an entertaining rehash) of about a hundred other (and often better) flicks repackaged in a fun-but-silly single serving known as... Lockout!
It also features the nastiest Sci-Fi prisoners we've seen since Alien 3 and it's sure to be a staple at a whole ass-load of LockINs!!!
(April 16, 2012)
The April Fool's Day hits just keep on coming here on WorldsGreatestCritic.com... if you could call them that.
Ever hear a strangely placed song that you can scarcely explain why the artists themselves are performing it? No, I don't just mean Stryper doing "Shining Star", but something even more extreme... and extremely funny... like The 7 Gayest songs ever recorded by Straight artists!
You'll cry, you'll laugh, you'll think it's FABULOUS!!! (April 01, 2012)
"Bad news everybody... There have been some changes that I couldn't stop... apparently I didn't renew the website domain in time and another company registered my whole site out from under me.
I'm only able to keep doing THIS part of it because I still have the passwords to the social media sites... Luckily...
This way they still have to let me contribute... begrudgingly.
I'm not allowed to say anything bad about them, but let's just say they're NOT the epitome of evil and I... don't curse their entire lineage even though now "my" site is just a generic, same old "comedy" list site... Enjoy... I... um... am."
I posted the above earlier today as part of our annual tradition on WorldsGreatestCritic.com for... April Fool's Day!
So, yeah, I was just Bullshittin'... but I worked hard on the fake-ass articles (to the point that they aren't so fake-ass) so check out A Gallery of IMPROVED Movie Posters! (April 01, 2012)
Today I went to see a performance of Oklahoma starring a good buddy of mine... he played Jud... but I found out during intermission that he had previously appeared in Fiddler on the Roof playing the most incredibly named of all characters in all of musical theatre... LAZAR WOLF! Can you imagine if he actually WAS a "Laser Wolf"?
That would be EXTRAORDINARY!
And needless to say a "Laser Wolf" would certainly clean up in any instance of The Hunger Games!
This brings us, of course, to our next biting work of review... a very good movie based on a very good book that transcends its subject matter! It's called The Hunger Games and it's safe to say that the must-read has become a must see.
Now about that Lazar Wolf... (March 31, 2012)
And now for MORE of our same old crap... only THIS time... in SPANISH! Like Will Ferrell? Like self-aware comedies that send-up and honor bygone film genres?
How do you feel about El Chupacabra, Bigfoot, The Loch Ness Monster, Martians, Sober Irishmen, stop-motion animation, animatronic fantasy animals and Trojan Rubber Chickens?
Well, you can ignore (most of) that previous paragraph because (almost) none of that crap is in Casa de mi Padre... the new Will Ferrell farce spoken almost entirely in Spanish that is both hilarious... and, possibly, inaccessible!
MUI CALLIENTE! (March 18, 2012)
Welcome Back, True Believers! It's time for some more escapism and to ride the wave of the brave into another world of madness and mystery, courtesy of yet another cool series from one of my favorite writers.
Beautifully, this film doesn't shy away from the pulpy science fiction that made its source material great! That might not be every viewers cup of laudinum, but it's a refreshing change when everything tends to be the same.
Give a special shot and shout out to John Carter, the pretty good film (with the great initials) that honors a great Edgar Rice Burroughs story One Century to the YEAR after its debut!
DIG IN!!! (March 17, 2012)
Hey WorldsGreatestCritic.com fans! Thanks to everybody who donated and helped with St. Baldrick's. Yes, I really did shave my head for this great charity (see the video below) and I raised over $4,000 to help find a cure for Pediatric Cancer!
The event total raised over $40,000 and all of the events put together raised over $15 Million! And, as promised, here's a new Movie Review!
And what sort do I do best?
How about a Bad Horror Movie? Maybe centering around a "Haunted House"? Maybe? How about a Bad Haunted House Horror Movie that purports to be an actual sequel to another series (or two) that it has nothing to do with? What if one of those series is actually Italian? And what if the movie itself actually... isn't?
Well, kids... feast your eyes on our next tragic terror tale... The Horror Show... or is that... House III??? Or is that, perhaps... La Casa 7? Or is it all of those things... and LESS?
The world may never know! (March 16, 2012)
WorldsGreatestCritic.com fans: Please help me help in the fight against Cancer!
This coming Saturday I'm shaving my head with St. Baldrick's... but I can't make a difference without YOUR help!
Please Make a Donation of any size by Clicking HERE!
Your help will do wonders! Please join me!
(March 04, 2012)
It's HERE at last! Just in time for Oscar Sunday It's
ritic.com's most popular and well-known annual article, now awarded along side the Academy Awards!
The Dead Man of the Year award is given out Annually to honor one of the true greats who has gone before us and has left the world of Entertainment a better and more memorable place to to enjoy due to his or her influence!
(Last year was our longest-delayed announcement, debuting on 01/24/2011, but still okay because we beat the Oscar nominations. This year we're over a month after the 24th of January and just making it in time for the Oscar Ceremony... but that's TOTALLY intentional.)
The good news is the wait is over and the SEVENTH annual Dead Man of the Year award has finally been given out, researched written, codified and even Spell Checked.
Check it out right now and find out who our 2011 honoree is, as we proudly present The 2011 Dead Man of the Year to a true KING in his field! (February 26, 2012)
Happy V.D., everybody! I hope you all caught that bug. If not, I'm wondered how long it will spread before you do!
I'm speaking, of course, of the 2012 Re-Release of Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace in full digital 3D!
Now, as then, it's an epic spectacle... if you can get those around you to shut the hell up about how much they hate Jar Jar Binks.
Geez, people, it's a total cliche, now... we've heard it! Everybody hates Jar Jar. Yawn! Quit whining and get over it. Yeah, he's annoying... pay attention to the movie... he's supposed to be. Other characters were annoyed by him too. But, hell, he's not THAT bad! He's less annoying than just about anybody in Final Destination 5 or Sucker Punch!
Oh, but you're not bitching about him, are you? It's that Lucas keeps making changes to the films and re-releasing them to line his pockets... well, guess what, whiners... if you don't like it, don't watch it.
Me? First and Last and Always!
Happy Valentine's Day, True Believers, and may the Force be With you! (Valentine's Day, February 14, 2012)
Wow... we're now over a month into the "HAPPY NEW YEAR" of 2012 and I'm still not finished with WorldsGreatestCritic.com's 2011 retrospectives! Yeah... Writer's Block is a TERRIBLE thing!
I said Writer's Block is a TERRIBLE thing, ladies and Germs... So, as you fab fans on Facebook know, before the first month of 2012 was done, I posted the WORST of 2011... Or, at least THE FIRST HALF!!!
And now, just after HALFTIME of THE SUPERBOWL (that's February, folks) at last... the second half of the WORST of 2011 has been posted... now that we're well into our second month of 2012.
Except for the next TWO "Year End" articles I still have to finish, dammit!
At this rate, we're looking at finishing up RIGHT around the time that I need to start doing my 2012 year in review.
Enjoy, folks... Writer's Block is a HELL of a THING!
Grin, Bear it and CHECK OUT The Worst of 2011... By J.C. Maçek III!!!
Happy Superbowl Sunday, folks! (Superbowl Sunday, February 5, 2012)
HAPPY NEW YEAR, WorldsGreatestCritic.com Fans! I've got a special suprise for BOTH of you!
2011 has been a YEAR of Procrastination and Writer's Block (which has blown ACTUAL GOATS)! However, for the first time in several years, I've got a Year-End-Review up and ready for your relentless mockery not sometime in January... but actually before the Year has ended!
So, come stand with me against the Hounds of Hell and check out The Best of 2011... By J.C. Maçek III!!!
Happy New Year, folks! (New Year's EVE, 2011)
Merry Christmas to ALL out there in WorldsGreatestCritic.com-Land! Today can mean ONLY one thing... um... besides, of course, being the day we celebrate Baby Jesus' Birthday, man!
Yes, yes, folks, it's time for The 2011 Christmas Turkey, a Family Film with Dark and Menacing undertones...
This year we go a bit of a different way, my friends... although it's true that this will be our second Turkey to be both made to be Family Friendly and about Martians!
Give up? It's the diabolical Ninety-Nine Minute commercial for the fast food chain that forced Ronald McDonald down our throats... It's called Mac and Me and it is a distasteful and unhealthy serving to top off your super-sized Christmas Meal.
Taste and See... the Darkness of Mac and Me!!! (Christmas Day, 2011)
I kept thinking it was the OTHER Brett Butler emailing me and I don't want to see another one of her shows, damn it!
My new dog is "Special Needs".
A group of Canadian Ninjas recently beat the hell out of me and I'm holding a grudge against the entire country!
It's Operation: Sci-Fall Version 2010 and nothing in this whole show has anything to do with post-apocalyptic futures, robots, outer space, Lesbian Vampires, time machines or alternate realities.
I totally DID review it and I just totally forgot, man!
And while that may SOUND like a temporary excuse, for me... it's totally not!
I ordered a Pizza from your ass and it still ain't arrived, man!
I've been in Jail and I'm not supposed to get on the internet.
I watch stuff to review around dinner time and your fucking website has a big dirty toilet on it and when I click on an episode title nothing apparently happens because for some oddball reason your imbeded video is somewhere way down in the bottom right hand corner, so I thought your site was broken.
It's never a good idea to ask me to watch something online instead of sending me a DVD because when I'm on the internet I realize that Porn is just a click away and, look, I'm sorry, you're both nice looking guys and all, but you're both... GUYS... so... so... So, just no!
If the fact that item 4 references "Operation: Sci-Fall Version 2010", which ended almost a full year ago, means anything at all, it means that item 5 is correct.
And, possibly item 6, which, in part, would explain item Numero 5, man!
However, it's high, high, high time that I posted the review for the web series Gut Rot. Read it (and watch it) in BAD HEALTH! (12/10/2011)
It's a WorldsGreatestCritic.comHalloween Tradition to have a Halloween Movie every October 31st (amongst some of the many other traditions that we can still legally discuss)! The problem is... last year we ran out of those! They've all been reviewed, man!
So what is a critic (let alone the World's Greatest) to do with no Halloween Movies left to review in the series?
Switch to celebrating Rosh Hashanah instead?
Perhaps... but maybe next year. This year I believe I've found just about the PERFECTO next entry into our Halloween Traditions... a very scary movie all about Halloween Traditions, man!
Yeah, it's called Trick 'r Treat and the good news is... it's not either or.. it's both! So smear on that zombie makeup, pop in those fangs, carve that Jack, drape on that holey sheet and howl at the moon... one never knows what real things might be lurking out there on Halloween Night! (10/31/2011)
Yes, Yes, folks... and as we approach the 2011 Pinnacle of FRIGHT, it's always a brilliant idea to look back upon where we've come from in all these years of horror!
See, for the past several years, every Halloween we've reviewed a Michael Myers movie to celebrate the day itself AND the Slasher series that started with John Carpenter's classic 1978 film!
That is until this year, seeing as how LAST year we reviewed the last one in the series... Halloween Resurrection, the only one of the bunch we'd yet to chronicle!
So, what are we going to do THIS year? While you (and I) are working on figuring this very fact out, how about we travel back through the full Halloween Saga (and beyond) with these classic Horror Reviews?
The Original Halloween series (1978 - 2002):
Get Ready for a Happy and SCARY Halloween, everybody!!!(October 29 , 2011)
So many THINGS could be THE Thing! Is it some mummy in Texas Canyon, Arizona? Is it a Superhero from Marvel? Is it a situation, item to wear, individual, detail, notion, effect, possession, product, aim, quality, fact, entity, idea, circumstance, deed, affair, event, accomplishment, penis, forte, object, person, place, thing?
Can one even describe "THING" without using the word "THING"?
Is it something, anything, ring-a-ding, sing-sing, ka-ching, bling-bling or thing-a-ma-bob?
Any way you assimilate it, it's time for more of... The Thing!
Rolling back to yesterday, back to 1982 when that mutated monster emerged from the Ice and made quick work of the researchers at the American Compound.
But what of those crazy Norwegians who took up half the job that we saw covered in The Thing From Another World? What are they, Chopped Liver? Well, when THE THING gets done with them, perhaps!!!
Be that as it may, it's time to strap on your PREQUEL hats and sink your ever-lovin' teeth into an appetizer known as... The Thing!
Yep! Same Title as before...
How does that make sense? The THING is in the Details! (10/16/2011)
Well, it's 10/13, everybody... and you know what THAT means... it's time for a little Chris Carter and The X-Files action.
Today is, of course, the day before the release of my most anticipated movie of 2011... that being the high-hopes prequel known as "The Thing"! These two things combine bring me, of course, to my first review in a solid MONTH (to my fans, I'm sorry, to my detractors, YOU'RE WELCOME!).
So what could POSSIBLY link these two things? Elementary, my dear Scully... it's that classy, unofficial remake of The Thing, known as The X-Files: "Ice"! Watch and read about it in good health... but know who your friends are! (10/13/2011)
Got any STRANGE NEIGHBORS? If you live near me, the answer is YES...
But even when I'm recording classic and scary-ass Old West songs with heavy acoustic Bass Guitar amplifying the neighborhood to the chords of the original "Ghost Riders in the Sky" you can't claim that you've got it as bad as the people who live near Jerry Dandridge!
"Who Dat?" I can hear you cry?
Check Out Fright Night and you'll be... shall we say... Enlightened? (09/12/2011)
Conan watches an ally jump from one building to another and says "Whoa!" Later on he looks up, amazed, and says "I know Kung Fu!"
Okay, not exactly, but we couldn't get much more of a The Matrix vibe if he did!
But seriously, folks... now for a review of a movie that came out WAY BACK when I was only 36 years old...
Yeah, it came out Friday and I turned 37 on Tuesday, by CROM!
It's called Conan the Barbarian and its got one hell of a cast... playing underdeveloped characters in an Atlantean Cheese Plot! (08/25/2011)
You know... I watched Cowboys And Aliens on opening weekend! Loved it. Haven't reviewed it yet, but, hell...
No, no, no... today we're talking about yet another saga-entry, like that last review...
Although this one is hardly your most brilliant series in the history of Ape-Kind.
No, we're talking about Final Destination 5, which is... as you may not yet have discerned, the fifth installment of the Final Destination Franchise!
Heaven Help Us!!! (08/13/2011)
A movie like this one could go either way... It could be a lame popcorn movie for idiots or it could be as smart as its original subject matter and beyond "worth seeing"!
Judging from Audience reaction (opening day exceeded studio and industry expectations and opening weekend continues to overperform) and critical acclaim (including from my own bad self) Rise of the Planet of the Apes is a success, worthy of the name, lineage and weight of the over fifty years of history of this saga (starting with the original French novel).
Dare I say... it's time to GO APE?
I do... I do dare. (08/07/2011)
Hey, you ever see that movie Living Dead Girl? Well, you should. It's awesome. And... HOT!
Ah, yes, those FRENCH Masters of Erotic Horror!
What's that got to do with today's review for Horrible Bosses? A big, fat bowl full of warmed over NOTHING! I just thought I'd mention it.
So until I actually review that other feature, read my review for Horrible Bosses, the tale of two men who have supervisors from hell and one guy who has an absolute DREAM JOB!!! (07/30/2011)
Beyond the Sorting Hat, beyond the Cupboard Under the Stairs, beyond the Lightening Bolt Scar... beyond the Grave...
Beyond it all, you've still got The Boy Who Lived in the awesome adaptation of the second half of the final book!
Fans will love it, haters can SUCK IT...
It's Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 the last part of the last entry in the whole series!
Read the book, see the movie... then read the book again! I am. (07/27/2011)
Whoa... Sorry about that, folks... Got Abducted by Aliens for a little while there! Remember when I said I wouldn't want to live in a world where Superman wasn't relevant?
Well the same goes for Captain America!
And the Marvel Hits keep on coming on THAT note!!!
As the Marvel Cinematic Universe continues to ASSEMBLE, we get one step closer to The Avengers with this star spangled, but hardly Jingoistic or farcical Captain America: The First Avenger!
Here's a Salute to the good old USA!!! (07/24/2011)
Remember that one movie where Larry The Cable Guy actually did NOT make you want to gouge out both ears?
Yep, yep, yep, yep, that movie was Cars... and the good news is, it's got a sequel.
The bad news is, this just might be the closest Pixar has come to a less than stellar effort, as good as it can be in pieces. Yep, it's just not quite the sum of its parts, and while I couldn't help but ask the question "what's missing?" the answer is... nothing.
Cars 2 is actually just a bit too much of a few things. It could be worse, but it sure as speedin' could be better! (06/27/2011)
Green with Envy? Well, me too, considering how much potential this most recent DC COMICS filmed offering had going for it. As it stands, this might just be the most expensive comic book advertisement ever.
If this film makes you want to read (or re-read) the adventures of Green Lantern in his original, super-cool form, then mission accomplished!
As a movie itself, however, Green Lantern is not the most amazing construct a Power Ring can create. It's got its moments, but... (06/23/2011)
Busy times, busy days... but not so busy that I can't sit down for a movie! Maybe even a movie shot on... Super 8!
Okay, okay, okay, most of this was filmed on Kodak 16MM and 35mm, but that's not the name of the film so get over it, man!
The name of the movie is Super 8 and while it may feel familiar, it's most assuredly something new!! (06/17/2011)
Are we on a Marvel Comics Mini-Streak? Could be, true believers, could be!
This film, however, is actually GOOD! Yep, we're talking about what just might be the best and most intriguing X-Men movie to date, a damned fine film with a great cast and a super groovy 1963 setting!
It's called X-Men: First Class and it's pretty far out, man!!!
Guzzle that brew, Chuck! (06/05/2011)
The internet pretty much killed the idea of keeping a good movie down...
Or, more accurately, a BAD movie! Take 1994's Fantastic Four (please)! Depending on which rumor you listen to, this movie was completed, promoted, then bought back and BURNED, just so the production company could keep the rights.
You think that makes no sense? Read the review. Just be aware that whatever the truth is, the gamble seemed to have paid off!
And luckily the Internet allows us to see these once hidden and bootlegged, now readily available once-rare flicks!
So, now from the people who brought you 2005's Fantastic Four, here's the flick for today... 1994's The Fantastic Four!
Trivia Awaits! (06/02/2011)
Who's ready for the Pauper of the Surf, the Jester of Tortuga? No, not Michael Bolton!
It's time to travel to yet another Lonely Island with Captain Jack Sparrow!
Yeah, baby! The Pirates are BACK!
Well... most of them!
While it's true that Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides is a bit of a departure from the main series (taking more of its inspiration from a 1987 novel written by one of my daughter's teachers), it's most certainly not a travesty!
See for yourself and join the search for eternal life with "Pirates 4"... Spaniards 0!!! (05/26/2011)
The other day at the office this fat coworker was walking along when the need to cough hit him. The force of this cough caused him to let out a massive, butt-wounding fart... so he started to cough even louder to cover the whole thing up.
That unnecessary anecdote is more interesting, less disgusting and more clever than the incredibly bad, boring, overly-hyped, badly acted, completely unconvincing, inept waste of time known as The Human Centipede (First Sequence)!
Do not bother watching this movie. In fact, don't even read this review... Not kidding. It's trash! (05/12/2011)
Welcome Back to the LEGEND! No, I don't mean the legend of Thor!
I mean the legend of WorldsGreatestCritic.com!
And now it's time to get RIGHT back into the amazing Comic Book reviews that fuel this site! Back to Marvel Comics and back to Thor, the Norse god turned Superhero turned movie legend in the hands of no less than Kenneth Branagh!
Let's watch the Fun!!! (05/7/2011)
Fifteen years ago, we witnessed the debut of SCREAM, a new, yet familiar take on the Slasher Film, from one of the genre's biggest names. One year after that, we got its first sequel. Three years after that one, came the third episode. And now, on 4/15, we get the Fourth Film... fifteen years after the first!
Death and Taxes have always gone hand-in hand, and as "Tax Day" has been pushed to the 18th this year... we can concentrate on the DEATH!
But luckily, neither the death of the Slasher flick, nor the Scream Series!
Yes, yes, friends and fiends, the wait is over, the battle behind the camera has been settled, the life-imitating-art romances have faded and the Ghostface Killer is calling upon us once again!
Here it is, folks... Scream 4, the last coda on an original series, or the first STAB at a new trilogy?
Either way... it's time to relearn the RULES! (04/15/2011)
You've got ONE MORE DAY left, dudes and chicks!
Tax day? Yeah, but not what I mean! No way, man! One more day left before Dimension Films' vengeance on the movie going public with Scream 4!
And thus, our Scream Streak must continue with the next STAB!!!
Yesterday you got Scream 2, the day before you got Scream 1, so... who the hell else is even still alive? Oh, yeah... Our third (and then-presumed final) chapter in the Scream series:
This time, Ghostface can be VERY direct! (04/14/2011)
Two days till 4, so it's time for 2, seeing as how yesterday, at Three, you got 1, but don't worry, tomorrow, at One, you'll get 3 to help get you all ready for 4! And you Numerologists thought there wasn't much for you here on WorldsGreatestCritic.com! Showed you, huh?
Yes, Yes, folks, the Scream Streak continues now with the next logical entry in the saga, that being... Number Two!
Luckily this one was most assuredly not that kind of Number Two and managed to be probably the best of the series (to date). The opening scene kicks off like a microcosm of the film Popcorn while the final act is custom built for those who thought they couldn't be surprised anymore!
Yes, folks, the now misnamed "Scream Trilogy" echoes for the first time with Scream 2!
Ghostface is calling, kids... and this time, it's for YOU! (04/13/2011)
In three short days Scream 4 will be meted upon the world in all its wrathful glory! So what better way to ring in the fourth film (and perhaps the first in a new Scream Trilogy) than by rolling out reviews for the original Trilogy one... by... one...
We're starting, of course, with the first film in the saga, the film that brought Slasher Flicks back into the mainstream, the often copied, never quite replicated original that often replicates but never quite copies the classic flicks upon whose legend the very Scream Series Echoes!
Yes, yes, girls and boys, we're talking about that "Scary Movie" known now, always and forever as... Scream! Answer the Call of Ghostface! (04/12/2011)
Mary Shelley was 19 years old when she wrote the first published version of Frankenstein and in the almost two-hundred years since that story's first printing its ramifications can be felt all over literature, television, music, movies and even (and especially) the stage.
When you mix an Academy Award Winning director with incredible talent, a brilliant, if bare set and an immediate classic, you get one of the best adaptations ever of this classic work.
WorldsGreatestCritic.com is hardly worthy to even review National Theatre Live's Frankenstein, the 2011 stage show, broadcast to the big and small screen.
There is no comparison! (04/07/2011)
Hey, remember the first time you woke up nude in front of your car with your keys in your ear and your first thought is something totally oddball like "Aw, MAN, did I remember to record Ghost Whisperer?" Isn't that kind of how you felt when you read that bizarro April Fools article from last Friday?
Just me, then?
Well, WorldsGreatestCritic.com is more than just weird ass, surreal post-modern social commentary (in fact, it's not even that). Some of you may remember that we actually have movie reviews on this psychotic excuse for a website!
And today we've got a new big, fat, hairy deal... and this one is most assuredly... Insidious!!!
I'd call it the best film so far this year... but technically this came out in 2010! (04/04/2011)
I started this Website back in 2003 and we've had a few traditions, like The Dead Man of the Year award, The Christmas Turkey, The Thanksgiving Turkey and an April Fools joke each April 1st!
Well, I'm 36 years old now and, frankly, I'm over it! I don't feel like writing some lame April Fool's joke... so DAMN the traditions!
Instead, I've unearthed one of my "CLASSIC" articles from this website going all the way back to the year 1986 when I was working on my doctorate in Sexuality from the University of Beautiful Women. Yes, folks, this year, let's look back on the past of WorldsGreatestCritic.com with some of our other traditions, namely the article covering the Top 6, Bottom 6 and the TOTALLY BOGUS 6 of 1986, not to mention one STELLAR Dead Man of the Year!
Yes, folks, you'll revel in the CLASSIC web design and you'll be amazed at how prescient I was about the shape of things to come! Excuse any typographical errors... I remember being really worn out that year, what with my explosive relationship with Traci Lords and my biological science studies into the curing of the common cold!
So, in lieu of an April Fool's Day article, please enjoy this blast from the past: The 1986 Year in Review from WorldsGreatestCritic.com!!! (04/01/2011)
If you're ever in Orange County, California and you're hankerin' to watch an Imax flick
you'll have your choice of a few awesome theatres! Notably one IMAX theatre in Aliso Viejo has an IMAX Giant Screen I can never forget.
Because it's just about the size of any old regular screen out there. In short... it's hardly "Giant". In truth, it barely qualifies as IMAX.
Not that the medium-sized screen keeps the ever-so-REGAL folks from charging out the Wazoo for the privilege of seeing an "Imax" flick on a movie screen that is... slightly bigger than average. Two tickets for my daughter and I to plop down in the somewhat stadium seats cost us Thirty Seven Dollars.
Yeah, man, that's where my money goes. $18.50 per seat and I didn't have to turn my head a single time.
Of course, I might have found this one hell of a lot more worth it if we were to have paid for something to watch besides Sucker Punch! It's got a plot that could be written on the back of a postage stamp and the excuse that it can't be criticized because it's intentionally fantastical.
Still... it does look a lot better than the web design on WorldsGreatestCritic.com!
Sucker Punch me now!!! (03/30/2011)
So, yesterday Venture Bros. Season 4 came out on Blu-Ray yesterday!
How was it? Fuck if I know. The local Beast Buy only ordered two copies of the damned thing and both were sold out. And when I say Local... I mean the DISTRICT, 'cause amigos y amigaz... I checked 'em ALL... or forced the douche in the blue shirt to do so.
So I ended up having to go home with the DVDs... two completely separate purchases totalling up to more than the damned blu-ray... which isn't so bad, and I got both covers, you know the clean and the all fucked up, but damn, dude... what in the hell were the Beast Buy Dorks thinking, man? Like nine copies of Season 4 Volume 2 but like ZERO of the Blu-Ray!
Because everything's like on-fucking-line now? That makes no damned sense. I mean, if I was gonna get the DVDs, I could've gotten Season 4 Volume 1 back in January instead of waiting for the damned Blu-Ray, man!
Ill preparation... Online indeed! What... is this just the shape of things to come?
Speaking of which, our next review is The Shape of Things to Come, a terrible smear of Canadian Cremed Corn that follows our last septic stain perfectly and manages to suck almost as much!
Yes, folks... back to ripping on really shitty movies from the past here on WorldsGreatestCritic.com... that, my friends, is The Shape of Things to Come!!! (03/23/2011)
2010 ended with an entire Season of Sci-Fi and Fantasy reviews to thrill the esoteric escapist in all of us.
So that's going to have to tide us over for a while, right?
Hell no, man! Nor am I anywhere near done with consistently exposing tons and tons of Bad Italian Rip-Off Flicks! Especially when they're lame-ass pilfered plots from Star Wars!
This, of course, to the very reason you will WISH I had left the Sci-Fi flicks to Sci-Fall!
It's called Starcrash and it blows goats. While I was watching this thing, an entire line of goats stretched from my door all the way around the block just waiting their turn.
Their review? Much like mine... "It's Baa-aa-aa-aa-aa-aa-aa-aad!"
For those who revel in the wording every time I rip a TERRIBLE movie a new Black Hole... this one is JUST what the Dr. Pepper ordered, folks! Starcrash!!! (03/17/2011)
Well, folks, I've just put on my large black writing hoodie because it's time to post another review!
And with an opening sentence like that, I'm sure you can guess what review is up next on WorldsGreatestCtitic.com!
Yep, quite obviously it's either 2011's Red Riding Hood or 1984's The Company of Wolves!
But since I've been getting later and later with my reviews recently (and because The Company of Wolves is getting harder and harder to lay hands on locally) I'm opting (as if I have a choice) to go with Red Riding Hood, the latest fable... about Werewolves!
Well who did you THINK the Big Bad Wolf was... and why did you think he could talk, man?
Seems a bit obvious to me, actually. (03/14/2011)
Hey, Remember me? Me neither.
But here's a new WorldsGreatestCtitic.com review for you!
Hey, dammit, don't turn your computers off that fast, man!
Or should I say... "Holey"? Because our next DEEP review is for Sanctum, yet another spelunking thriller... and yet another disappointing movie from this, the year of our Lord 2011.
Oh, hell, man!!! (03/10/2011)
Just a quick reminder... your RENT is due tomorrow.
Or maybe on the 5th, depending on your lame-ass Lease.
I don't know... ask your Roommate!
Luckily you don't have to pay for WorldsGreatestCtitic.com... like anybody would anyway, man!
For those of you reading for free (not that it would hurt you to click on an ad or two and buy something, man), you're probably aware that this site was built on sarcastic reviews for bad horror movies... or the Whoreywood equivalent thereof...
Which brings us to our next celebration of silliness known as... The Roommate!
It's a far cry from our last biting subject! Hey, it's no less a hunt, but it's highly doubtful this one will be Dear to you! (02/28/2011)
In preparing to review Heaven's Gate, the movie that brought down UA, I watched four complete Mike Cimino flicks
(including Heaven's Gate itself) so that I could go into the damned thing knowing at least somewhat what I was talking about when I canonized my WorldsGreatestCtitic.com article...
The Verdict? Well, Year of the Dragon didn't do a lot for me (save the nudity) and Desperate Hours felt a lot more like a TV Movie of the Week, with both feeling a lot like Cimino's attempt to get back into the Mainstream on the terms of the Mainstream.
But... The Deer Hunter... now there's a movie!
Forget the hype, forget the cutting war with the distributor, forget all of the claims that Cimino made about this being "autobiographical", forget that now-iconic breakout Russian Roulette scene and forget comparing this to any other film out there. This is The Deer Hunter and The Deer Hunter is a great film! (02/19/2011)
WorldsGreatestCritic.com Rolls back in time now, not just to an older movie, but to a subject long discussed on this site!
Does the name Heaven's Gate mean anything to you True Believers?
If not, you may be missing out on quite an epic... well, considering the tragic falling of the DOMINOES behind the camera, anyway! This historical Western immediately became one of the most expensive movies UA ever made (after its budget tripled in just weeks of filming) and roughly made back approximately SEVEN PERCENT of this enormous budget back at the box office.
And there it is, the cautionary tale known as Heaven's Gate, the film that sent United Artists to the Gates of Hell. Almost as fascinating as that very fact is that, well, it's not all bad!
What's next for WorldsGreatestCritic.com now that we've stopped, looked around and found out it's already February of 2011? Could be anything!
Could be something old, something new, something borrowed, something... GREEN!
Yeah, Green, as in The Green Hornet, the masked vigilante from the creators of The Lone Ranger, who turned out to be a grand Nephew of that same Lone Ranger, has enjoyed multiple incarnations and reincarnations since his 1936 debut and is now back in 2011!
Unsurprisingly, the film is called The Green Hornet! Appropriate, wouldn't you say???
Back on the second day of 2006, WorldsGreatestCritic.com announced the FIRST ANNUAL DMOTY Award for 2005. Every year we honor
one of the true greats who has gone before us and has left the world of Entertainment a better and more memorable place to play!
There have been a lot of jokes both on and off this site about how long it's taken me to present this award (an increasingly longer span year by year), but take note... this award may be meant to honor those who impacted LAST YEAR, but, hey, the Oscars won't even be announcing their nominees for the year 2010 until tomorrow morning and their actual awards telecast is set for somewhere after PRESIDENT'S DAY, man, so I've got those screwballs beaten by a good 33 days, man! You Cheese Fighters will be speculating on the 2011 Winner long before they announce the big winner of the "Lifetime Key Grip Achievement Statuette Dude!"
Be that as it may (and... who knows???) the SIXTH annual Dead Man of the Year award has finally been given, written and codified... and there's no turning back now!
So why wait? Everybody dig in now and find out who our latest honoree is, as we present The 2010 Dead Man of the Year to someone oh so deserving in ever so many ways!
Hey, 2010 DMOTY... Wish you were Here!
I'm racking my head, trying desperately to finalize the much anticipated DMOTY 2010 article, especially as the fact that we're now in the THIRD week of 2011 shines a gigantic Beacon of my Failure into the night sky like so many fractured BAT SIGNALS!
You see, traditionally, on WorldsGreatestCritic.com, we end the year with the three big End-Of-The-Year articles, then follow up with the The Dead Man of the Year Award and then publish the first review of the year, being a tie-in with the DMOTY!
This year, however, writer's block has become the corner-stone upon which I have built my website, so as a stop-gap and hopefully a twisting, turning pumping and pulping of my creative juices, I decided to write a truly bizarre review, right up my alley that, to my knowledge, has absolutely nothing to do with last year's honored dead.
It's the review for Black Swan and I really went off the wall on this one. Yes, the movie is quite cool, but I truly went as insane as it is in my writing of it! Take a look... it reads more like some kind of bizarre, rambling creator commentary on the season 3 DVDs of The Venture Bros. Whew... This one is both heady, smart and geeked out all at the same time!
Isn't it interesting how in that last article you could tell exactly when my Blood Alcahol Level went into the "unsafe to drive" zone?
Good thing I'd never mix typing and driving, huh?
But looking back instead of forward seems, to me, absurd, so WorldsGreatestCritic.com's 2011 kick-off as we... um... look back to 2010 continues now with the third part of our annual lame-ass look at a series of subjective things that everyone should formulate their own opinion on anyway.
What a COUNTRY, man! America! I LOVE IT!
So just before we uncover The Dead Man of the Year Award, let's forego the "ado" and sprint at top speed into the weird-ass brick wall we call The Inexplicable 10 of 2010, where we remember the things about this past year that, quite simply, don't add up!
I'm done with the long intros... make up your OWN!
Welcome back to the anything-but-prolific opening month of WorldsGreatestCritic.com's 2011!
For those of you keeping score, we just posted the insane Top 10, so there's only one thing that could follow such a thing on WorldsGreatestCritic.com!
Actually, I probably SHOULD have shaken it up a bit more and surprised you guys, but I'm just not the hilarious clown I once was... I'm more like that Squirrel on Skis that shows up on the News every once in a blue-ass-baboon-moon.
And here's more proof, man... The Bottom 10 of 2010, which not only echoes many of the lame entries I included in The Bottom 9 of 2009, but also manages to somehow even borrow some crumbs from The Top 10 of 2010 while still being a "Worst Of" list... which, I admit openly, doesn't make much sense. So...
What should I do?
Should I admit that I've made mistakes?
Should I remind you that I've done this before?
Should I give you a History Lesson?
What should I do?
Should I tell you how much fun we had?
Should I really believe I ruined my legacy?
What should I do?
What should I do?
What should I do?
Should I have my Tattoos removed?
Wanna see my shiny new shoes?
Should I just sell shoes?
Or should I tell you I AM NOT A ROLE MODEL?
Seriously, what should I do?
Should I tell you I'm a Championship Chaser?
That I did it for the money, rings?
Should I be who YOU want me to be?
Should I accept my role as a villain?
Maybe I should just disappear!
Should I stop listening to my Friends?
The're my friends!
Should I try acting?
Should I be writing this down?
Should I make you laugh?
Should I read you a soulful Poem?
Or should we just clear the decks and start over?
What should I do?
Should I be who you want me to be?
Should I admit that I ripped this entire bit off of a really dumb Lebron James Nike Commercial that wasn't that cool anyway?
No. No I shouldn't. I'm totally original and I rule!
Hey, there, folks! Anybody ready for the incredible, Annual Dead Man of the Year Award???
Well, TOO BAD, because I haven't written it yet.
Hell, we're only, what, almost six days into the new year and I'm just NOW getting this much posted? Yeah, folks, it's called "Writer's Block" and it's not a pretty sight!
Then again, WorldsGreatestCritic.com isn't a pretty Site either.
Man, I'm so behind I'm practically remedial at this point.
So for all of you forward thinkers already planning out the heaven that is to come in 2011, I proudly offer this lame diversion:
The Top 10 of 2010!!! At this rate, the rest of the YEAR IN REVIEW will be out around March... of 2013! (01/05/2011)
Welcome back to Operation Sci-Fall Version 2010, true believers, for the last time! Yep, yep, yep, yep, folks, this is the final episode of Operation Sci-Fall Version 2010 and, in fact, the last WorldsGreatestCritic.com Review of 2010!
So how can we possibly put an end on the second ever Sci-Fall? How can we put a cap on the entire year of 2010? What could possibly sum up this fantastic season and this amazing year to boot? What movie title could conceivably be worthy to...
Okay, Okay, I'll just tell you, it's... it's 2010 the movie.
Yeah, I know, I know, big shock. Like you all didn't see THAT one coming! I mean, COME ON, man! How predictable! Seriously, have you paid attention to this site and its seasons at all?
Holy hell! Like Summer of Horror 2006 started with The Omen remake and ended with the original The Omen, then with Sci-Fall 2006 we totally started and ended with edits of the same movie, man! Yeah, from The Final Executioner to Bronx Executioner!
And, look, you can all stop giving me crap about Winter of Wit, I was really busy! And then, yeah, okay, we had lots of seasons in between, but like then we did the 2009 Summer of Horror which totally started with Exorcist II and ended with The Exorcist and absolutely NOBODY was shocked at ALL, man!
And so, now we come to Operation: Sci-Fall Version 2010 which started with 2001: A Space Odyssey, so what could I possibly end with, man? What, What, What, Planet of the Apes or something? Because both prominently feature Apes in a Science Fiction Setting and both were groundbreaking speculative fiction from the year 1968 and... and...
And, really, that'd've been a really, really cool idea! Why didn't I... And, like, I could've finalized with this really cool HestonPost Apocalyptic streak with, like, Soylent Green and then The Omega Man and THENPlanet of the Apes! Man, that would be so cool. I'll have to do that for like Sci Fall III or something... or some time other... I don't know. I mean, who cares, it's the year... sigh...
It's the year 2010 and the last review I'm posting is 2010: The Year We Make Contact as the last review of the year! And, yeah, the 40th review of Operation Sci-Fall Version 2010! Yeah, 40! And to all of you jerks who keep saying I'm not as funny as I used to be, Sci-Fall 2006 had only like 24 reviews total. 40 in this one, man! FORTY! How many movies did YOU review since September, Man???
Sheesh! Goodbye 2010, here's 2010!!! (12/31/10)
Operation Sci-Fall Version 2010, WorldsGreatestCritic.com's new Autumnal Festival of the Fantastical is almost at its close, as is, in fact, all of this year of Our Lord, 2010!
But before I post our final review of the season and the year, there is one more Sci-Fi Classic that I feel compelled to post for you True Believers!
Actually, there are a lot more I really wanted to write for Operation Sci-Fall Version 2010, but alas, I'm only one man and we're almost out of time! Therefore, we'll have to stop at a more than respectable 40 reviews for the season!
And number 39 is a proverbial DOOZIE! It's one of the most influential Science Fiction films of all time with one of the best known film robots ever constructed and it was inspired by the works of the best writer ever to put pen to page.
It's called Forbidden Planet and luckily, you're neither forbidden from reading about it or watching it. Use all the technology at your disposal to interface with this fine film. You won't be sorry! (12/30/10)
Say, have you folks ever driven through Texas Canyon, Arizona somewhere on... whoa... Deja Vu, man!
I could swear I typed those words before... Did I ever tell you about The Thing?
Oh, yeah... yesterday, right? Right, with The Thing From Another World! Have I lost all my Mystery or are you still with me?
Well, while I won't tell you what that OTHER Thing is, I can say that there is just ONE more Thing to discuss here, and that's The Thing, the 1982 classic brings isolated horror to a whole new level.
Think you've seen this one before?
You've got another Thing comin'! (12/29/10)
Say, have you folks ever driven through Texas Canyon, Arizona somewhere on Interstate 10 about a quarter of the way between Los Angeles, California and Shreveport, Louisiana and witnessed billboards on both sides enticing you to a Tourist Trap with the loud interrogative of "WHAT IS THE THING???" on giant yellow signs with somewhere around the prolificity of those "X Number of Miles to Wall Drug!" Signs?
You guys ever seen those? You know what The Thing is?
Well I do...
But this isn't THAT Thing. This is some other Thing. In fact, you've got another Thing Comin'!
What could I mean? Do I mean THE Thing? And if so... what is that Thing?
Oh, am I doing that THING Again? Well, you can guess that we're doing yet another antecedent to Alien, Right? Well, before I get as obnoxious as I was with that last one where I repeated "What is It? It's It! What is It? It's It! What is It?", I'll just come right on out and say... Here's The Thing... as in The Thing From Another World, the 1951 classic that proves that being a Vegetable isn't always a dull-ass time, man! (12/28/10)
So there I am yesterday at Holy Family Mass at the local Catholic Church and I realize... Damn, man... Herod was a DICK!
Seriously, man! It didn't come up in the Homily, but I'm thinking that's the perfect summation of that whole "No Room in the Inn, now we've got to go to Egypt" thing. It's like "Herod was a DICK!"
Anyway, I hope you guys dug The 2010 Christmas Turkey... because it's more fun to read about than to watch. I'm sure you're expecting the REAL Terminator 2, but that ain't it, kid, that ain't it, kid!
No, now we're going right back to the classics, as we did with The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms. And if you don't think that's a classic, then... what are you on this site by ACCIDENT, man???
Yep, folks, it's high time to get back to those entertaining and classic tributaries to Alien! Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, I've covered most of them... so what's left... What is It? It's It, what is It? It's It! What is It? It's IT! The Terror from Beyond SpaceIt does to classic Sci-Fi a few things that still might surprise you to this day. Check It out!!! (12/27/10)
Merry Christmas to ALL! While TECHNICALLY it's still Christmas Eve here at WorldsGreatestCritic.com's California Command Center (ha ha)
it's most assuredly Christmas Day somewhere... and I can't think of a reason to wait to post The 2010 Christmas Turkey all of you True Believer Kneumsi Fans have been waiting for!
What could it be this year? Would it shock you to note that this year I'm reviewing Terminator 2 as the Christmas Turkey?
Yes, it's true... the film is indeed Terminator 2... or, rather, Terminator II, which isn't the instant classic and groundbreaking film of 1991, but the instant Trash It bad Italian Horror movie made a year earlier to cash in on the legitimate film's successes.
That's right... like Alien 2 before it, we now get an unofficial sequel to a great American Sci-Fi Flick... and also like Alien 2 similar veins of film lore are mined to flesh this ridiculous piece of piss out!
Trust me, folks, this one is only worth laughing at! It makes most bad movies look like masterpieces! You have no idea... but check out Terminator II, The 2010 Christmas Turkey and you'll see just why it's been awarded this incredibly dubious honor, and you'll have a very good idea of just how bad all of these bad movies can get! Yeah, folks, save your corrections, save your indignation and save your hate mail... This film is the bottom of the barrel... and it's NOT the film that truly deserved and earned that title! Huzzah and Merry Christmas! Ho, Ho, Ho!!! (12/24/10)
WorldsGreatestCritic.com is rocketing straight from the brand, spankin' new straight back to the Classics of Science Fiction!
And guess what? It's Creature Feature Time!
Who are we talking about? The real cause of the Wall Street... CRASH! The BIGGEST thing to hit Broadway since KING KONG! Give up? Operation: Sci-Fall Version 2010 introduces you now to... Rhedosaurus, better known as... The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms! And if you don't know this one, trust me, it's much more influential than you realize!!!
"Beast, you've just awakened from a sixty-five million year sleep, what are you going to do NOW?"
I'm going to CONEY ISLAND!!!"
When asked what it was like to hibernate under MILES of ancient ice, the Beast responded "Pretty cool!"
Greetings, True Believers... how has cyberspace been treating you?
It's not so bad for me, except I keep getting Frisbees aimed at my head and I can barely avoid them, man. Oh... I guess you haven't been to see the grid featured in TRON!
Well, maybe you should spend some more time with WorldsGreatestCritic.com's Operation: Sci-Fall Version 2010, where you can travel decidedly INTO THE GRID!
Join me now, virtually real readers for TRON Legacy, the huge sequel to the ambitious original. Believe it... The IMAX 3D theatre I saw the film in erupted in applause when the credits rolled. Huzzah, amigos! (12/19/10)
Why the ORIGINAL TRON, of course! Get sucked into a Computer Commuter World, Escape and let go of all reality! (12/19/10)
Word up, there, me Amigos Y Amigas in Cyberland!!! Welcome back to Operation: Sci-Fall Version 2010! And you all know what comes out tomorrow, right???
Yep, it's Tron Legacy! So get ready for more of that action coming this weekend!
But to get us ready for that Arcade Awesomeness, Sci-Fall continues now with another Sci-Fi, Fantasy with a butt-load of comedy thrown in for your quarter popping pleasure... and it's all based around VIDEO GAMES as well!
That's right, folks, get ready for the True Grid with Scott Pilgrim Vs. the World!
And if you won't do it for him... then just listen to Ramona Sing! (12/16/10)
Who then now, kiddies? Operation: Sci-Fall Version 2010's Fantasy Streak continues with more morphing wonder and...
and JAZZ, baby!
That's right, folks, this next Fictive Fantasy brings us all the way back to the Bayou with Disney's first ever Princess from Louisiana... if you can believe that!
What better way to seal off our amazing Fantasy Streak than with The Princess and the Frog, the return to Hand-Drawn animation, the return to the Crescent City and the return to real Cajun and Creole Spiced adventure!
Those of you ready for some Hard Core Sci-Fi to come... Keep your shirt on... Maybe I'll end this streak now... or maybe I'll keep it rolling indefinitely! My rules, I make 'em up... and right now it's time to let Princess Tiana Do that VooDoo that She Do so WELL!!! (12/13/10)
All RIGHT, Kids! Fantasy abounds in this extra-special Operation: Sci-Fall Version 2010!
But fear not... you true-blue hard-core Sci-Fi fans will be amazed by what more we have in store for you all! In the meantime, how about the fantasy of Alice In Wonderland?
Yep, yep, yep, yep... the fantasy streak continues now with the 2010 adventure Alice in Wonderland, the next chapter in the continuing adventures of our famed rabbit hole falling heroine.
Stay tuned for more fantasy and sci-fi... but keep your reality (and underland REALty) in check, true believers!!! (12/12/10)
Hey there, hi there, ho there, True Believers!
Operation: Sci-Fall Version 2010's FANTASY streak continues now with one of the biggest Family Fantasy flicks of the year (and might have been THE biggest if it weren't for the presence of a certain boy Wizard still weilding his wand in cinemas everywhere!
What could be NEARLY that big? Well, anything out of Narnia, of course! Yes, true believers, once more into the Wardrobe (or the flooding painting as the case may be) for The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader!
Anchors Aweigh, pop that dramamine and be ready to track down the seven Swords of the Banished Lords... which might be the seven keys to Adventure! (12/04/10)
Welcome Back to Operation: Sci-Fall Version 2010's FANTASY streak... of sorts!
Want some more SYNERGY with Operation: Sci Fall 2006? Let me guess... YEAH, Ya Do!!! Well, four years ago, this VERY day WorldsGreatestCritic.com reviewed the Director's Cut of Superman II... so today we're spanking through with a review for a somewhat different, yet all-too-familiar tale featuring a Superman Pastiche!
Hold on to your CAPES, True Believers, because it's HIGH time we thought about launching starward with Megamind!
You'll NEVER get over it! Especially those of you who were SURE that you'd never seen a Forehead bigger than MINE! (12/02/10)
Howdy, Folks! Hope your Thanksgiving Rocked, Rolled and Grooved like something out of a classic Disney flick like... well, like the flick that came out Thanksgiving Week, man!
That's right, we're moving away from the Thanksgiving Turkey, right back into our FANTASY streak of Operation: Sci Fall 2010!
That's right, baby... it's time to check in with RAPUNZEL in her instant classic Disney Flick TANGLED!
You've got to love this one... I'll refrain from saying "If you don't, check your pulse, you may be dead!" but I will say... hey... it's okay to stop being such a cynic and just let your HAIR DOWN once in a while!!! (11/29/10)
For those of you keeping score, that last review was our 24th of Operation: Sci Fall 2010, meaning we've officially TIED Operation: Sci-Fall 2006 for reviews and we've still got a month left! And for those of you keeping TRACK... it's time for our SIXTH ANNUAL Thanksgiving Turkey!!!
Is everybody ready to find out the next chapter in that time-spanning battle between good and evil in which Kneumsi and Nagas must clash EACH year?
Oh, you don't READ the Thanksgiving Turkeys because they're too long and make no sense? Well FINE then.
For the REST of you... here it is... the dread SIXTH entry in the Thanksgiving Turkey saga... and this one is bad... really bad... it's called Robowar, and I'd LOVE to tell you that the title says it all... but no, you have NO IDEA how much worse this is than its title.
Fair warning, though... this prose-style review is really long... and it makes NO sense!
Now, if you'll excuse me, it's almost 1:30 AM and I'm going the fuck to sleep! (11/25/10)
Science Fiction and Fantasy have always gone HAND IN HAND, even, and especially, when one of those hands has a WAND IN IT! That's why Operation: Sci-Fall 2010 has simply GOT to continue now with the latest in the Harry Potter series of films!!!
So, without any further ado (because who can stand 'ado'?) I'm proundly presenting unto you readers my review for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1, the first part of the last entry in the whole series!
And to those of you out there who have said "He's just not that funny anymore!" I invite you to feast your eyes on THIS review and say "Totally True... he really ISN'T funny anymore!"
Our last five reviews have dealt with ALIENS on Earth and four of the five were actual Alien Invasion stories! And that gives me an idea! Yes, folks, we've got lots more MONSTER Sci-Fi to come, but there is one name that has been all over this site and every single movie in its whole series has been reviewed here over the years.
All except for one. All except, in fact, the FIRST one!
The name of this monster is unknown, but the movies, books and comics about it have called it "PREDATOR!!!
That's right, folks... adding to the list of movies you were SURE I'd already reviewed, it's the original 1987 Action Thriller Predator, the Alien Invasion flick that features a single invader with a singular mission and a decisive resistance in the harsh jungles of South America!
Don't forget... if it bleeds, we can kill it! (11/17/10)
Okay, kids, how about one LAST Borg Month Extension review... and a new movie review, to boot! Okay, this one isn't exactly Cyborg-central. In fact, the organisms with cybernetic parts aren't even vaguely humanoid. Still, this just might be an abductee's eye view of Borg Assimilation!
Yeah, we're talking about Skyline, the visual effect spectacular that shows a lot of Human Brains on the screen... possibly to distract from the concept that the script itself is rather SHORT on actual Brains!
Tune your brain into this review... it's much more fair and balanced than any Newscast you're likely to view, kids! (11/14/10)
Time for more SYNERGY with Operation: Sci-Fall 2006 and time to put a fitting end to Operation: Sci-Fall Version 2010's Borg Month Extension!
Four Years Ago Last Week I reviewed the EXCELLENT film Star Trek: First Contact! So where can I go from there? Stay tuned, true believer, and you'll see!
The debate on where The Borg came from has raged for a while and at some point picked up the classic story of V'Ger as where The Borg came from. Alternately, many argue that The Borg are where V'Ger came from!
Many others might say "Get a Life... it's JUST a TV SHOW!" (or movie series, as the case may be).
But where did the Movie Series (and the subsequent TV shows) not to mention V'Ger itself come from? Star Trek: The Motion Picture, the classic bridge between The Original Series, and the FUTURE of what was to come.
True, there are more divergent opinons about this film than about Blue Cheese Wine Coolers, Green Tea Malt Shakes and Marinara Liqueurs combined, but it remains as a benchmark in Scinece Fiction history.
Check out my review and make up your OWN damned mind! (11/10/10)
Have you ever watched one of those films you were a HUGE fan of when you were young and reassessed it as an adult? I tend to do that all the time. Watching films like The Lathe of Heaven, I'm actually enjoy them much more as an adult! Watching something like The Terminator, I'm excited to see how well it all stands up. And then there are those films I loved as a Youth, but see how deeply flawed the were as the adult in me flips over the mini-wheats and I take a closer look!
Yep, Operation: Sci-Fall Version 2010's Borg Month Extension continues now with a-not-so-great flick that I take no joy in lampooning. It's a part of the once venerable Superman series, but it fails to soar. Remember Superman III? Do you remember Superman doing a Jive handshake with Richard Pryor, getting drunk, having one-night-stands with hot blondes he meets on the top of the Statue of Liberty, straightening up the leaning tower and fighting a Cyborg controled by a Supercomputer that can synthesize Kryptonite into a ray gun?
Read the review... think hard before seeing the movie! (11/08/10)
Well, I'm in the midst of this Johnny Carpenter flick binge and I just got back from my BFF's Marine Corps Ball (where I really feel like I SHOULD have worn a Starfleet, uniform and said things like "Ah, a Fellow Service Member, ay?"). The Casino's credit card verification machines stopped working so we couldn't even booze it up, so no TAILHOOK action either.
Then I came back and found that my dog had been keeping everybody awake with his incessant high-pitched yapping, which is SO obnoxious I almost made a hat out of him. The only thing that kept me going was that excellent Beer Commercial where the dude says to his girlfriend "Of COURSE I love you, Michelob!"
What's all this mean? Well, it means I'm continuing Operation: Sci-Fall Version 2010's Borg Month Extension with a film that has nothing to do with Johnny C., the USMC, Sudsy drinks or loud-ass dogs... in fact, it hasn't much to do with anything but Cyborgs that make The Borg look... well, really familiar!
It's called Virus and, unlike the similarly titled Virus from 1980, there are no beautiful naked women running around a Zombie Infested Jungle. In fact, it's about as far from that as you can get, man! (11/06/10)
Howdy, Partners! And might I add, "There's a SNAKE in my BOOT!" You long-time readers may be wondering what in the world we're doing for November during this flash Operation: Sci-Fall Version 2010! After all, Operation: Sci-Fall 2006 actually took November OFF (don't ask)!
The answer is... all kinds of stuff, anything we want, a whole lot of Sci-Fi and fantasy... starting right here with Woody's Roundup!
That's Right! Sci-Fall continues now with none other than Toy Story 3!
Perhaps you're asking how Toy Story 3 counts as "Sci-Fi". Then maybe you haven't seen it. From the Western-Meets-Science-Fiction opening (even better than Back to the Future Part III) on throughout, this is one awesome sci-fi flick... however, if you really want to split plastic hairs... this is a FANTASY film and that counts!
Oh, no! This aversion to change or anything different AGAIN? Like that time you JUST got used to Flo on Night Court after being such a hard-core fan of Selma and then they went and replaced both with Roz? Get your paisley short pants out of that wad, Mr. Fad, Flo and Selma are both dead now! Yes, even Flo! I don't care what passing resemblance she has to "The Judge" on My Two Dads! That's a totally different Actress! Flo died and that's terrible, but she's not coming back, dude! What's wrong with Roz? Roz is Funny! And you should hear her "I'm Sittin' on Margaret" bit! Besides the key to the whole show is Dan Fielding, anyway!
I'll bet you even freaked out when I got confused over some of these names the FIRST time I made this tired, old joke! Well, they're right now, so I'm moving on with the next one!
So shut your Reinhold and accept a little Change... and say "YES WE CAN!" Read about Toy Story 3, have a Coke and remember... you've got a friend in me!
Howdy, there, True Believers and HAPPY HALLOWEEN to you all! The World's Greatest Critic's Halloween Celebration has hit a bit of what we call "a Pickle"!
You see... a Halloween movie must be reviewed every Halloween, but we also need to (somehow) have some synergy between Operation: Sci-Fall 2006 and Operation: Sci-Fall Version 2010! In 2006, this was easy as Halloween III: Season of the Witch was not only a (really bad) entry into John Carpenter's Halloween saga but, due to its lasers, robots and technology plot, it was also a delicous part of Operation: Sci-Fall 2006!
Sadly, Halloween Resurrection, though also a (really bad) entry into John Carpenter's Halloween saga, had none of those sci-fi elements, so how can we properly synergize and still keep things going traditionally??? Easy! We'll follow up Halloween Resurrection with John Carpenter's first EVER film... an independent, student sci-fi classic known as Dark Star! It's fearless and inventive... and cheap... but in the most BRILLIANT of all possible ways! Tune in now... and watch it EXPLODE!!! (Halloween Day, 2010)
It's a very momentous Halloween day for WorldsGreatestCritic.com as we continue (and perhaps even conclude) the long standing tradition of a Halloween movie review every Halloween!
Oh, you loyal readers have been keeping track! After today, I've plumb run out of Michael Myers flicks to filet!
Yep, until some jackass better suited to make records than movies churns out more of these flops, our annual Halloween Sequel Feature reviews will be no more after today! What WILL I do next year?
Perhaps we'll have some sort of a... RESURRECTION next time out? Unfortunately that's what the producers thought about the film series, too, so we got stuck with this lame-ass finale to the once great series in the form of the heart-worm pill branded Halloween Resurrection!
This film and the goobers who thrust it upon us, owe us ally many apologies! Sigh... what to do, what to do?(10/31/10)
Welcome back to Operation: Sci-Fall Version 2010's Borg Month, true believers! Last week I mentioned that the Synergy Reviews with the UNPREDICTABLE Operation: Sci-Fall Version 2006 are more than a little PREDICTABLE!
Anybody flip back to the What's Old page to figure out what Star Trek Synergy is about to hit the proverbial fan?
Or is it so dog gone obvious that you didn't even need to peek? Yep, folks, we're talking about The Borg and since four years ago today, we reviewed the two parter voted the best episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation: "The Best of Both Worlds"! And while that one remains probably the best Borg episode ever made, it's now time to add you technological and biological distinctiveness to the next big Cyborg review to tie it all together! Who guessed it, folks? It's the Two-Parter that brings a whole lot of threads together! "DESCENT"!
No big surprise I'm reviewing it, but plenty of big surprises in the episode! Check it out! Resistance is Futile, You Must Comply! (10/28/10)
Let's Assimilate ourselves back into Operation: Sci-Fall Version 2010's Borg Month! with just a bit more synergy with the UNPREDICTABLE Operation: Sci-Fall Version 2006!
This next one... might be predictable for you long time readers and Star Trek! Considering this Domino, many more Synergystic entries might just slap you forlorn in the forehead. Ya see, True Believers, four ago today we returned to the ROOTS of The Borg with their first ever appearance, way back in the Star Trek The Next Generation episode "Q Who?"
Today, we kick into high gear with the episode that reintroduced us to The Borg and set them off on a new path (for a while, at least)!
What am I talking about? It's easy as 123, people! Introducing the Cyborg from "I Borg", Star Trek The Next Generation's 123rd episode!
How's THAT for a surprise.
Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, it's no surprise at all, is it? I announced this Borg Month thing and BOTH of you loyal readers knew what was next! All you have to do is click back to the What's Old page and check out the Entry from "10/21/06" and say "Yeah, I'll bet he's reviewing 'I Borg'! What YOU thank, Clem?" And I'm sure if you flip forward a week, you can all guess what I'm reviewing for 10/28/10, huh? Okay, so maybe Sci Fall II is somewhat predictable... it's still good and so is the review, man. Check it out! It will add your technological and biological distinctiveness to its own. Resistance is Futile, You Must Comply! (10/21/10)
I figured that just MAYBE I owed you loyal readers a mini-Bruce Willis streak! That being a small streak of only TWO films featuring Bruce Willis... not a streak of films featuring Bruce Willis at two feet tall or anything... But that sounds good, too!
After all, we haven't actually had a Bruce Willis streak on WorldsGreatestCritic.com since Spring into Action 2007's Die Hard streak!
Now, don't worry, I haven't forgotten that this is Operation: Sci-Fall Version 2010, either, so don't see red, true believers!
On second thought... DO! Do see Red, the latest comic-based kick-ass tough-guy, tough-gal flick featuring Bruno himself. Seriously, don't just sit here reading this wacky website you wascally wabbit, go see Red! Anything less would be... a cop out! (10/18/10)
Even during our coveted SEASONS WorldsGreatestCritic.com is never just one genre all the time! And... neither is the subject of our next review...
More often than not, that's a great thing and it's ultra-cool to see type-mixing like aci-fi/ horror, drama/ thriller or Action/ Comedy... that is... if the elements mix just right!
Do they mix just right in Cop Out?
You tell me! Oh, it's funny, but it's not perfect. To be fair, though... what is??? (10/17/10)
Hello there, folks... it's time I mentioned that 10/13/2010 was the start of Operation: Sci-Fall Version 2010's version of Borg Month!
That's four years to the DAY after our SECOND Cyborg review from Operation Sci-Fall Version 2006! Yes, second! Trust me, this season's kicking the last one's ARSE with productivity and just because we're starting this one in mid-month doesn't mean I'm slacking... In fact, who would want to interrupt the amazing Dystopian Future and Time Travel streak that has proven so popular?
What's that? You're wondering how I'm counting "Jose Chung's 'From Outer Space'" as the special preview review for Borg Month? Elementary, my dear Flotsam, it was directed by the illustrious Maestro Bowman, director of the first appearance of The Borg, "Q Who?"
But how might I bridge this amazing gap between Time Travel, post-apocalyptic futures and Cyborgs?
Easily... with the first film of its kind to sum all of that up into one, beautiful package.
I'm talking, of course, about The Terminator! It's the perfect introduction to our Borg Month and the perfect summation for our Dystopia and Time Travel streak.
Those of you who thought it had ended with our last Feature... no way, man! Retconned this Sci-Fall has been! (10/15/10)
Happy October 12, 2010, everybody! For those of you wondering why that date is momentous... it isn't. It's just another long black-letter day.
Taking a break from Operation: Sci-Fall Version 2010 now, let's take a good, hard look at Waiting for "Superman"!
No, I'm not pulling the wool over your eyes, title-wise like I did with that last review... This is no Sci-Fi flick... in fact, it's all too real!
Read the Review...
See the Movie...
You'll know what I mean... (10.12.10)
Well, today is October 10, 2010, or 10/10/10! So let's take a break from WorldsGreatestCritic.com's Dystopian Future and Time Travel streak on this momentous Operation: Sci-Fall Version 2010!
In FACT... I think it's time for us to use this momentious and synergystic date to close that streak down... at least for now... and instead of all of these Post-Apocalyptic flicks, why don't we just focus on something about...
A Boy and his Dog!
HAH HA HAH HA HAH!
AH HAH HAH HA HAH HAH HAH!
Ah hah hah hah hah!
HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH!
HAH! HAH! HAH! HA! HAH!
WorldsGreatestCritic.com's Dystopian Future and Time Travel streak continues now with Operation: Sci-Fall Version 2010's further proof that the Future is gonna Suck!
No, we're not on to The Borg yet, nor am I going to give you one of my favorite diatribes... Instead, I'll just intreoduce it like this:
Have you ever seen one of those films that pretentious people make you feel like you simply have to like because you'd feel stupid if you condemned it, though you know it's not all that good? Well I haven't, because I'll condemn ANYTHING on this website!
For the rest of you, I highly encourage you to read my review for... Zhardozh! OOPS! I mean... Zardoz!
Shorry. It Shtars Zhean Connery, sho after watsching thish, you'll be schpeaking thish way alsho!
This is the second EVER WorldsGreatestCritic.com sequel season and though I tried to match the amazing output of The Summer of Horror with The Summer of Horror II, I only just barely made it happen! So, I've done the numbers and so far Operation: Sci-Fall Version 2010 is actually exceeding the productive and prolific abilities of Operation: Sci-Fall Version 2006!
Heck Yes! So what do you say we keep up with that deranged and prolonged streak of Time Travel and Dystopian Futures streak, eh?
When someone talks about Post-Apocalyptic movies what's the main film everyone mentions? Okay, it's Mad Max! BUT AFTER THAT... I guess it would be The Road Warrior! But after that... Okay, Okay, Okay... Planet of the Apes, BUT AFTER THAT?
What did you just say?
Are you high?
Okay, screw it, fine! I'll accept that. But surely on the list must be...
Now you stop that!
As I was saying... Surely on the list must be Logan's Run, the post-apocalyptic dystopia that masquerades as a bona-fide utopia with the horror of the fallen society hiding just beneath the surface of the DOME!
Suggest what you will, but it's high time that Kneumsi reviewed the classic known as Logan's Run! It's a Crystal Flash from perfection... and I like it Too!
Are you ready for more of the incredible Operation: Sci-Fall Version 2010 Time Travel and Dystopian Future Streak? No?
Oh, no, not this crap again! What? Oh, for you it's The Borg or nothin', huh? Well there's no pleasin' ya!
Hell, you know what, you're like that one Fat Friend we all have who drops by unannounced and when you don't feed him he's like
"I came here specifically for DINNER!"
Never mind all the hospitality I've shown. It's just NOT ENOUGH is it???
Well... Well, to heck with you!
To heck with ALL of you!
You know what, if I didn't carry this very important streak on right now, no matter if you agree with its cohesion or NOT, you'd probably bitch about that too, wouldn't you? Holy Flurking Snit, yeah you would!
So you know what? Go to some other site... Who needs ya? I get several thousand hits per day and only like two thirds of those are accidental, so I'll be fine, man!
For the rest of you who HAPPEN to still be here...
Ahem... We started this here Time Machine/ Apocalyptic Future theme with Resident Evil: Afterlife 3-D and carried it a step further with the brilliant Mad Max, then went a totally different way with Hot Tub Time Machine and just when you thought it was safe to go back into the land of the dreaming you got spun right 'round, baby, right 'round, like a record, baby with The Lathe of Heaven!
So how can we follow up a classic like that? Well, the naysayers would tell you we can't. Actually the Naysaywer would say that last film wasn't a classic after all, but screw them. Regardless, I'm only posting the next review, not replacing the last. So for those of you who want a little Reese's Peanut Butter Cup action, take heart with Timerider! Hey, you got Western in my Science Fiction! You got Science Fiction in my Western!!! (10.05.10)
October is upon us and you long time readers should recall that during 2006's Operation Sci: Fall, October meant "Borg Month"! Patience, my young Padawan, Patience!
Before we delve into such monsters, let's continue or complete our Operation: Sci-Fall Version 2010 Time Travel and Dystopian Future Streak with something completely different!
You thought following up Mad Max with Hot Tub Time Machine was "different", then you have yet to see "thing one", human!
Yes, we're talking about the reality shaping dreams of The Lathe of Heaven, an excellent TV Movie from PBS that just might change your life... and everything that ever came before it... or after... and that of the entire population, and their skin colors... and ALIENS... and...
Oh, what, WHAT? So "Time Travel" and "Post Apocalyptic" aren't the same thing, so they don't constitute a "Streak", don't they? Where's The Borg, you're asking? Where's the Cybermen?
Well, I'm sorry, but you're just going to have to wait, and you know, both genres are about time and the future and changing the future and I am ever-so-sorry that you can't handle a little change in your life! What are you SUCH a conservative that the slightest deviation from "the known" drives you insane? Then why in the name of Asimov would you want to read a Sci-Fi review anyway? Go read the 1984 World Book Encyclopedia! That hasn't changed any since it was PRINTED, kid!
Hell, what DID you do when they changed out Darrens on Bewitched? Did you soil your pants at the news? Well, I'm so sorry, bucko! Give the new Dick a CHANCE, man!
Oh, what, you JUST got used to Flo on Night Court after being such a hard-core fan of Roz and then they went and replaced both with Mac? Get your panties out of that wad, Mr. Man, Flo and Roz are both dead now! Yes, even Flo! I don't care what passing resemblance she has to "The Judge" on My Two Dads! That's a totally different Actress! Flo died and that's terrible, but she's not coming back, dude! What's wrong with Mac? Mac's cool! Besides the key to the whole show is Dan Fielding, anyway!
So shut your Reinhold and accept a little Change... and say "YES WE CAN!" Read about The Lathe of Heaven, have a Coke and a Smile and Shuteth Upeth!!! (10.03.10)
Just in time for the end of September, let's travel right back into Operation: Sci-Fall Version 2010 and continue where we left off. Yes, the famous WorldsGreatestCritic.com "Big Corellian streaks" are going to be all over the place. For now, let's keep going with our rockin' "Time Travel and Dystopian Future" streak with a very different kind of film from our last one!
From flicks you thought I'd already reviewed to flicks you're going to be shocked I'm including, it's time to soak your way back to the 1980s with Hot Tub Time Machine!
Whether you WANT YOUR MTV or you're just ready for some NEON and NUDITY, take a dip... and take a trip!!! (9.30.10)
Let's take a quick break from Operation: Sci-Fall Version 2010 to review a new film for a change!
Well, it's not even out yet!
It's like I'm writing to you from THE FUTURE!
(Oh, yeah, not "Sci-Fall"! Gotta stop that!)
The name of the film is Secretariat and it's about the Big, Red horse named Secretariat who went from being a maybe at birth to an unparalleled record breaking race horse!
Let's see how this one fares, folks, but from where I'm standing this is a good movie!
A really good movie! (9.27.10)
Yes, don't worry, it's still Operation: Sci-Fall Version 2010 and, in fact, I've reviewed more movies for this season than I had its 2006 predecessor by this time that year! Oh, don't worry, now! It's only the end of the world! See, way back when, four years ago today, we at WorldsGreatestCritic.com posted the real Cerebral, Surreal, Surprising Sci-Fi dystopian thriller The Quiet Earth, from the post-apocalyptic world of 1985 New Zealand!
Now how could I POSSIBLY synergize with something so perfectly Sci-Fall? Well, slip on your six-gun and watch ME go off the DEEP END AGAIN!!! with the Cerebral, Surreal, surprising Sci-Fi, dystopian and very ORIGINAL original thriller Mad Max from the post-apocalyptic world of 1979 Australia!
Yep, one MORE film you thought I'd already reviewed!
DIG IN!!! (9.23.10)
And now for my 64th Zombie review (by my count)!
Will you still need me, will you still feed me when I'm 64... Zombie Reviews... in... from my...
Luckily this is not just a Zombie Movie but also a Science Fiction flick worthy of being included in Operation: Sci-Fall Version 2010!
Yes, folks, I'm talking about Resident Evil: Afterlife, the second best film in the whole series (backhanded compliment though that might be)!
Watch out, Wesker... Your UMBRELLA has a HOLE in it!!! (9.15.10)
Just as the 2009 Summer of Horror shared a little synergy with its 2006 counterpart, Operation: Sci-Fall Version 2010 continues now with a film that is most assuredly NOT Science Fiction or Fantasy... just as four years ago today we brought you the mystery based on reality about an Actor who played a Superhero and managed to get himself shot known as Hollywoodland, this Sci-Fall we bring you another movie starring a fondly remembered actor playing one truly endearing actor who, in turn, played a very cool, if meta-fictional Science Fiction Characters, namely, Captain Avenger! Yep, I'm talking about John "Jack Tripper" Ritter in Hero at Large, a great old movie that hits home... happily. Hell, Captain Avenger is what the Sci-Fall's all about! But then, so's Star Wars... and... and Margi! (9.14.10)
Operation: Sci-Fall Version 2010 began on September 10, 2010 with 2001: A Space Odyssey, a Five Star Motion Picture!
But that was after critical acclaim for the last in our recent Horror Streak, The Silence of the Lambs, another Five Star Motion Picture! What the hell is THIS? Isn't WorldsGreatestCritic.com at its best when making fun of bad movies? What's with the two five star movies in a row? Hell, I even gave a surprisingly affectionate review for The Original Texas Chain Saw Massacre! Where are the BAD reviews? Where's the MOCKERY?
Today, September 12, 2010, you will get that mockery and that bad review for the first time this season, as it was originally meant to be on this site.
And what... pray tell... could the heralding cry for really shitty movies to review be? Why "Michael Bay" who has released the shittiest movie of his career just over a year ago in the forlorn form of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Take it from a man who refused to ever pay to see this... Don't! This one is the crap-tastic seepage that degrades the very nature of Sci-Fall! I didn't pay to see it and I STILL WANTED A REFUND!!! But I can say this for Bay... releasing this slice of hogwash made Pearl Harbor look like a better movie! Smart. Very smart, MBay. (9.12.10)
What's today? Why it's September 10 and you long time, genius readers know the significance of THAT date, don't you? Yes, four years ago today after a streak of horrific horror films WorldsGreatestCritic.com launched our second EVER season, known as Operation: Sci-Fall 2006!
And just as last year warranted a sequel season to our first (in the form of The 2009 Summer of Horror), 2010 is "The Year We Make Contact", so in a Science Fiction year like this one, it's only fair that Sci-Fall gets a Mulligan, too (especially since we just completed our latest string of horror movies)!
Welcome to Operation: Sci-Fall Version 2010, a NEW Autumnal Festival of the Fantastical. And if you thought the past week was FANTASTIC, you have yet to see "thing one", human! Speaking of Fantastic movies to review (especially those I should have reviewed a long time ago) Check out our Inaugural "Sci-Fall 2" review: 2001: A Space Odyssey! It's the MOVIE that has never gotten old and remains worth seeing all of these decades after its release!
I think you're going to like this one, folks... both 2001: A Space Odyssey and the NEW Operation: Sci-Fall!!
The Action is BACK!
The Wonder is BACK!
The Mystery is BACK!
The Journey is BACK!
And yes indeed, True Believers... THE OPERATIVE... is BACK!!! (Stardate: 20100910)
On the way to the future of WorldsGreatestCritic.com seasons with... well, you'll see! But now it's time to slam shut our most recent and most daring "STREAK" with less a Slasher Flick than an Art Film!
Let's see, we've had Deranged and The Texas Chain Saw Massacre! What fits with those two but still qualifies as both an art film and another one of those movies you'll be surprised I haven't reviewed yet?
Quid Pro Quo, Clarice... it's The Silence of the Lambs! The Psychological Horror experiment that really gets under your skin!
I should know... I played Hannibal Lecter in drama tournaments all over Louisiana for a year back in high school. Hmmm.... somehow that sounded much cooler in my head than it does on the page. (09/10/2010)
Are you staying tuned for more? Because more is on the way! The foretaste and the Promise that came with the WorldsGreatestCritic.com review of Deranged is right here for you with this next review... you could predict this one, right?
In fact, it's one of those reviews we're all surprised I haven't reviewed yet!
And if you think this one is a surprise, wait till you see the next one! What's this? Why, it's The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, the ORIGINAL Sick Thriller! Bet you can't guess what I'm gonna say about this one! (09/09/2010)
Boy have I ever got something planned for YOU true believers! That's right, kids, we've got a whole new SEASON of thrills and adventure coming up to make you all feel just FANTASTIC about being alive!
I thought we'd ring in the new season with one of those good, old fashioned WorldsGreatestCritic.com streaks!
You long-time and avid readers should remember those... after all, they gave way to the Seasons... and this one is going to be a doozie!
Have you folks ever heard of Ed Gein? Well, like me you may wish you hadn't, but you probably love the movies that he helped inspire.
Let's kick off our LAST Streak before the NEW season with Deranged, a deranged flick about a deranged dude doing deranged things.
Here it comes! (09/08/2010)
It's new review time... something you'll be getting a lot of in the coming weeks as there's a new Season dawning upon us all... But first...
What do you get when you take a fake trailer from Grindhouse, expand it to feature length, pack it with beautiful women and a great recognizable cast all to support a perennial supporting actor?
Elementary, my dear Flotsam, you get Machete, packed with lots of fun, but weighted down by a "message" or five.
Machete! Huzzah! (09/06/2010)
Also on the whole Friday the 13th tip... that lucky day also spelled good luck for one Sly Stallone whose latest attempt at a comeback struck loads of gold in its opening weekend... an opening weekend that had lots of viewers (even more than this film had action stars)... and that includes me. But, hey, why break ranks when my Friday the 13th part V review was still packing in readers like GANGBUSTERS? Speaking of busting gangs, join me in my review of The Expendables, the action buddy thriller that has more buddies than your standard action thriller... but all the action you need to boot!!! (08/19/2010)
What's today? Well, it's Friday the 13th, of course, and this just happens to be your LUCKY DAY!
You see, here on WorldsGreatestCritic.com we've got a bit of a history with this day.
Way back on Friday the 13th of January 2006 we reviewed the original Friday the 13th, followed immediately on that same day by Friday the 13th part 2!
Then, on Friday the 13th of October 2006 we launched to the stars with the tenth entry, appropriately entitled Jason X... Hey, what can I say, it was Sci-Fall!
Which makes our crossover entry between Winter of Wit and Spring Into Action all the more appropriate, seeing as how Friday the 13th part VI: JASON LIVES was posted on Saturday the 14th of April 2007... Witty, No?
Then on Friday the 13th of July 2007 we broke with tradition (because I was unprepared) and we learned all about The History and Saga of Jason Voorhees!
And those who didn't like that one could go straight to Hell... because Jason did on Friday the 13th of June 2008 with Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday!
We were all let down on Friday the 13th of February 2009 when we had to endure Friday the 13th, the Bad Horror Remake!
Tired of me skipping around? Well on Friday the 13th of March 2009 I reviewed the Origin of the Mask (in full 3-D, no less) with Friday the 13th part 3-D!
And the skipping around didn't start up again, seeing as how on Friday the 13th of November 2009 we went straight on into Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter (which is "part Iv", don't ya know?)!
So, let's see, that's 1, 2, 10, 6, that article thing about all of 'em, 9, remake, 3, 4... and, don't worry, I'd already reviewed Freddy Vs. Jason, which is, like, 11 or something, back on August 15, 2003!
So what's the Logical next step? Well, obviously if you're expecting any form of logic whatsoever you're barking up the wrong website!
But the tradition remains alive even today as we push right on forward and bridge that crazy gap between 4 and 6 with Friday the 13th part V: A New Beginning... And while I may just be Copycatting myself... trust me, it could be a lot worse, folks. See you in the next reel! (Friday the 13th of August, 2010)
GUESS WHO'S COMING TO LUNCH!!! Yep, yep, yep, yep, it's time to delve back into the silver screen and... um... see what's happening with
Yeah, the KIDS... and not the ones The Who sang about!
... or are they?
I'll have to ask old Pete!
Back to the review, though, we're talking about another anti-Prop 8 celebration in the form of The Kids Are All Right, featuring a touching story where the adults most assuredly aren't quite so all right.
Ugh... that introduction was terrible. I'm tired. Does it show? (08/06/2010)
Speaking of Familiar, how about a Summer Box Office Hit that manages to be equal parts The Matrix and Dreamscape (without old "Jerry Horne" turning into a claymation Cobra-Man).
I guess this one answers the question of "What would you do if you were the director of The Dark Knight?" with a big "ANYTHING YOU WANT!"
The good news is that this next flick, Inception, for all its indulgence and borrowed themes, manages to be a pretty gosh darned good film with the smarts to back it up. At least that's the idea that was planted in my brain while watching it.
This next review may seem familiar to you long time readers (at least those among you who are still allowed internet access by your state-sponsored social workers).
Yeah, why not? This next Slasher review is packed with the same reused jokes, cracked observations and pop culture references that I've used again and again on this crazy cult site. However, because this next review is for the RETREAD known as The Prowler, repeats like this are more than a little appropriate!
Also known as Rosemary's Killer, this Splatter movie features from excellent special makeup effects from Maestro Tom Freakin' Savini! Fork it Over, fans! (07/24/2010)
Yes, yes, folks... the summer season is here! And what's Summer without a big, visually stunning Sci-Fi/ Horrror sequel to whet the appetites of all the big dumb nerds, past, present and future?
However, this sequel to Predator is not your standard lame, one-off sequel or prequel with no legitimate reason for existence except for keeping money in suit pockets and names on marquees! No, this one had the potential to be transcendent, featuring a bold new idea, academy award winning actors and a great supporting cast and crew.
Unfortunately it doesn't quite become what it could have been... still... it doesn't totally EAT either. Take a look at Predators and see what I mean. (07/11/2010)
Man, I wish my new dog wasn't a total psycho. He's this cute little dude that has a bit of a mean streak. Little dude even bit a chick in Balboa Park the other day. So, yeah, folks, don't be too shocked if WorldsGreatestCritic.com is soon owned by a twentysomething redheaded jogger from San Diego. Yep... you think you can trust a guy and then everything goes... crazy!
And that brings us to our next oddball review! Our last outing into the realm of Cyber-Reviews was the latest from George Romero! We go from that one to the latest George Romero Horror Remake... but this time, surprisingly, it's not a bad one!
Yes, yes, folks... just like the gentle doggy that turns and bites we soon see our friends and neighbors from anytown USA turning so quickly into... The Crazies!
Sound like any other Horror Flick? Well, you haven't seen this one since... 1973!
Speaking of timing, folks... I saw this one opening weekend in the theatre and I'm just now reviewing it. Isn't that crazy? (06/27/2010)
So we leave ONE Island and trek to another... but on this one the world was not saved! In fact... it's the ISLAND OF THE LIVING DEAD!
And that should bring to mind not "Survivor Island", no folks, but one George Romero with another thrilling drama from the daring Romeroverse... the only place that Zombies ever make any sense. Yeah, I realize that's odd in and of itself.
And just as every Romero flick is unique, this latest one is a bit of a Zombie Western... set on the East Coast... on an Island... just off the coast of Delaware filled with Irishmen and Zombies. I'd say I wasn't sure which was worse, but being Irish myself, I know the answer... it's us.
Sound like a stretch?
Well check out Survival of the Dead and witness the Showdown at the DECAY Corral! (05/28/2010)
It's always somewhat Ridiculous to call any one thing (certainly in the realm of Entertainment) "The Best"! After all, everything is so subjective, right?
So to take any one thing and say that it is definitively "THE BEST" just can't be right... right?
Be that as it may... I can say without hesitation or question that LOST is the absolute Best, the unquestionably Greatest, the peerless most superior television show of ALL TIME.
And now that the show has come to a close, I think it's fair to say that LOST has PROVEN itself yet again!!! How can it be this good? Well, with LOST, the RULES don't apply. To me, LOST is the ONLY television show ever made, man!
See what I mean, folks and losties alike, by checking out LOST: "The End", the appropriately titled SERIES FINALE of the best show ever made! (05/24/2010)
From Franchise to Franchise and from Remake to Sequel... Yes, folks, it's time for more Superheroes to take the stage and take some names!
Who? Or What, is the newest, most breath-taking, most sensational Super-Hero of all...?
WHO? I'll give you a hint... he LITERALLY has "a broken heart" and wears a suit of armor to keep anybody from getting in... he drinks a lot and looks really good in red and he's often called "Shell-Head"!
No... it's not me. Who said that?
It's IRON MAN! He Lives! He Walks! He Conquers! And he's BACK in his first sequel, appropriately known as Iron Man 2! Time to WHIP IT good! (05/12/2010)
Who Loves You? Kneumsi Does! That's why we've got two, count 'em, TWO Comic Book Movie reviews in one gosh darned week for you to seek your beautiful teeth into!
So, while you're thinking HARD about what to do with me, why not check out our next action-packed experiment in mediocrity, which I can only call... The Losers! Which is good, because... that's its name and all!
Don't ask me why I'm not being subtle... subtlety goes to NIL when so much is at stake. I'm good... YOU are good and neither of us happen to be... The Losers! (04/30/2010)
Over the past year, WorldsGreatestCritic.com has been horrific, loving, adventurous, surprising and... anything but timely! But one thing's for sure... we've always been KICK-ASS!
No matter what kind of movie we're reviewing... and this time out we're set to review a movie that claims to be so kick-ass its actual title is "Kick-Ass"!
Yeah, I had no interest in seeing a movie of that title either, especially considering that it looked like just another goof-ball screw-ball comedic joke!
In this case, I'm glad to be mistaken... again, because Kick-Ass actually... is! (04/25/2010)
WorldsGreatestCritic.com is BACK and doing what we do best!!! Naturally, what we do best is making fun of bad movies...
You know, those poorly acted, exploitative dumb movies from beyond the outhouse from people you barely recognize and companies you've never heard of, most often poorly named and ridiculously imagined? Well Blood Mania is all of these bad things and more!
We're talking gratuitous nudity, idiotic situations, lame plots, painfully slow expository scenes and... surprisingly almost no blood whatsoever. On the other hand, you Star Wars fans who have ever wondered what Greedo looks like in the buff, look no further, both of you! To those of you whose stomachs turn at the very thought... trust me, you'll be pleasantly surprised when you watch Blood Mania, man! (04/25/2010)
HEY, Sweet baby, Don't you think maybe we could find us a brand new recipe? Yep... This is the good stuff!
Sure, I still haven't reviewed films like The Crazies or Alice In Wonderland or even The Princess and the Frog (get mad, you should), but once in a while you watch a movie and it just makes you want to write about it.
And there are no Zombies in this one. It's called Julie & Julia and it is, most assuredly, what's cookin', my baby! (03/30/2010)
Welcome Back! Or should I say... ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?
Yes, although I've been quite the slow-poke reviewer lately (I still haven't written reviews for The Crazies or Alice In Wonderland or even The Princess and the Frog) I managed to review a flick that isn't even at a theatre near you yet... unless you happen to live near me, in which case... ARE YOU STALKING ME???
Nah, I'm kiddin', I'm kiddin'! You long time readers might notice that a certain Living Rock Queen has graced the pages of this site time and again... so how about a bio pic about her first band when she was just rolling out the rock? Sound hot? Check out The Runaways and decide for yourself. But watch that first Pop... it's a Luude, Luude! (03/22/2010)
And now from a Horror Classic to a REMAKE of a Horror Classic! Ready for another Bad Horror Remake? Well, how about another surprise... while it's not at all perfect, this next film is actually a half-way Good Horror Remake!
What's the film? Well, howl at any given Lunar Day, my Love, because the film is The Wolfman, a bold, if commercialized, remake of The 1941 Classic The Wolf Man! Sure, it bites... but it doesn't actually suck!
HAPPY SAINT PATRICK'S DAY! (03/17/2010)
Have you ever watched one of those movies where you feel almost like you're playing a Video Game... but aren't quite in it enough?
Quite a bit of the current "Number One" movie in America's viewers feel just that way... while a great number more are demanding its early consideration for about Nine Oscars.
But just how is Shutter Island? In this case, Sanity and Quality might just be in the eye of the beholder... and anything else... just might be a conspiracy of the Brainwashing kind... (but... probably isn't)! (02/21/2010)
Welcome BACK, True Believers! Everybody knows that to follow up every Dead (Wo)Man of the Year award we have a tie in review immediately after to celebrate the dawning of the NEW YEAR.
Well, it's almost at the end of January and people are going to stop finding this writing procrastination thing terrible funny toute suite!
Regardless, to pay tribute to 2009's Dead Woman of the Year, it's time to celebrate an early episode of Star Trek that was the first to feature her character prominently. I think you hear me knockin' and I think you hear the question pretty darned loudly as I ask... "What Are Little Girls Made Of?" The answer... MAY SHOCK you! (01/27/2010)
Howdy, there, good Humans! It is now January 18th, 2010, which is by far the latest in the year I've posted an end-of-the-year Article... In fact, this year I'm not only later than the Golden Globes, you goofs, I'm later by a full week than last year's DMOTY article! So how much longer shall my shrinking proliferation be warded off by the excuse "I've got a life, man!"?
Any way you slice it it's high time that I reveal The 2009 Dead Man of the Year, am I right?
Who is it? Well if you click the link, you might find out that this year's The Dead Man of the Year is no man at all... but one remarkably influential lady.
Oh, what? What, is that too much change for you? YOU PEOPLE... oh... you like the idea. Well, then... good. Set your Wake-Up Call to STUN and see before you all the SPACE you could ever need... inner space, outer space... Space, baby, Space!
Okay, so maybe you've figured her out... but The Dead Woman of the Year 2009AND its upcoming tie-in review... which... at this rate... will be written and posted around Valentine's Day, my love! (01/18/2010)
Once upon a time, I decided to use the space between Christmas and New Years Day to put together some articles detailing the best, worst and weirdest thing of the entire year that passed.
That was a lot of writing which had to share time with my research for and writing of The Dead Man of the Year award!
Then I started getting them all out the first week of the new year.
This year I was determined to get everything done by January 7th or I'd consider myself a complete failure.
Well, happy January 10th, everyone... I've now finished the third of three year-end looks back for you... partially because I was out drinking with my sister on the 7th!
You've read the good, you've dodged the BAD... now experience the strangest of them all: The Asinine 9 of 2009 from WorldsGreatestCritic.com! (01/10/2010)
Folks, I've been quite the optimist lately, but not even I can deny that there's a big pile of horse crap out there! It was less difficult to choose nine things that blew goats this year than it was to condense them into a bullet form.
So, for another article that took too long and "isn't that good anyway", I loudly resent The Bottom 9 of 2009, from sublime to the bovine, it's the 2009 days of Swine and Roses! (01/05/2010)
As promised, here's the first of our end-of-the-year-articles, bright, shining and new, only three days after the actual end of the year.
I know what you're thinking... and you're right! You're thinking "What takes this guy so long to write all this horse ka-ka. It's not like any of his articles are THAT GOOD anyway."
And... well... OUCH! But anyway, you're right... this one was easy... I had far TOO MANY of the best things of the year. The worst... that's a hard list for an Optimist. Check out The Top 9 of 2009 and feel fine as brine wine! (01/03/2010)
Hey, folk, THIS IS IT! I don't DANCE! Read all about it, relive the past or go read somebody else.
They may be better writers, but I've got better HAIR!
Enjoy and, again, Happy Nude Year! (01/03/2010)
Happy New Year's Eve, everysmurf! It's time for our last Movie Review of 2009, with a big BURNT Toast to 2010!
Our Last Review was the worst thing to happen to Captain America until Rob Liefeld! This next one had the potential to be the same travesty for the iconic Sherlock Holmes!
Yeah, well, believe it or not, this one isn't really that bad at all. Check out Sherlock Holmes and sleuth it for yourself!
Act now, it's the last review of 2009! (12/31/2009)
Merry Christmas, everyone... and on WorldsGreatestCritic.com you know what that means!
Yep, it's time for The 2009 Christmas Turkey!
I agonized over this one folks, looking for just the right HORRIBLE movie to treat you all to and trying not to mine the same old motherlode of bad Italian Horror movies!
So where should one look for a movie so bad that it can be considered worthy of this annual designation? How about... TURKEY of course? Ha ha ha, and trust me, the Turkish Vein is unquestionably ready to be tapped, especially when the egregious rip offs here trump even the most legendary Horror Tripe we've done before. Don't believe me? Check it out... this action flick features a real-life Lucha Libre star, teaming up with Captain America to do battle with Spider-Man... and Spidey's the BAD GUY!
Folks, I would say that you can't make this stuff up, but someone actually DID... in a super-bad flick called...
3 Dev Adam!
You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll shake your head in frustration and scream "WHY, GOD, WHY?"
What more could anyone ask for from The 2009 Christmas Turkey without being completely selfish? Huzzah and Merry Christmas! Ho, Ho, Ho!!! (12/25/09)
Well, the year-end is almost upon us, which means I'm soon going to have to give you the worthiest, worst and weirdest of 2009!
This means, of course, that it's high-time that I reviewed one of the year's best from my vantage point of the best seat in the IMAX3-D theatre.
Am I talking about Avatar?
But of COURSE, my Dahrling!!! (12/23/09)
Hey Baby, Hey Baby, HEY! What's up, is your Christmas Shopping done yet? Well, we've come a LONG WAY BABY! No, I don't mean WorldsGreatestCritic.com. This site's been near stagnant for months. I mean it's been a hell of a long time since the Batman & Robin days, because our old buddy Clooney has been pretty damned cool for years now!
Cool enough, in fact, to be the star of two reviews in a row here on this ROW of a website.
Yes, Kiddies, it's time to go up in the air, then gather around and watch... The Men who Stare at Goats! Will the REAL Jedi Warrior please stand up? (12/13/09)
Well, what's snappenin', Folks? I'm thinking it's high time we had a little Stop Motion Motion of the Anderson/ Clooney kind!
What are we talking about? Why, Wild Animals, of course, raiding English Farms and acting like partying Bengal cats on a Bender! Man, if that doesn't just scream Dahl, what does?
Well, kids, adults, dudes, chicks, astronauts and elevator operators, it's super-high-time to explore the crazy tree houses of Fantastic Mr. Fox! Hey, at least it's not another bad horror flick! (12/5/09)
Happy Thanksgiving, everybody... or should I say... Happy TURKEY DAY!? Yes, after all this time, we are still doing our Thanksgiving Feast. And this year we come full circle for Revenge and a New Beginning... which happens a lot with Fifth Installments.
Last year we did an Unofficial Sequel. THIS year we do the same, but it will be an unofficial sequel that is ALSO a Bad Italian Horror Movie! Yes, it will hurt, folks. It will hurt a LOT!
What do I mean? What is the Turkey this year? Well The Turkey is a TROLL... as in Troll 2, which is not only one of the worst films ever made, but also is about GOBLINS... instead of Trolls. I'm sorry folks... Enjoy your REVENGE! (11/26/09)
Happy Friday, everybody... or should I say... Happy Friday the 13th!? This Casual Friday we do what we always do on these Bad-Luck, Red Letter Days... I review a Jason flick!
This one had potential to be among the best... but ended up being just another episode in the saga that just won't die.
Keep that in mind as you ponder the title Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter (11/13/09)
So how was your Halloween, everybody? If I had to choose one word for mine, it'd be... EXPENSIVE! But, totally worth it!
Although the Summer of Horror has been over for almost two months, tis still the season for a fright flick or two, considering we're currently sandwiched right smack dab in between a Halloween and a Friday the 13th!
So, what's next, true believers? How about yet another creepy Cinema Verite experiment in the creepy? No, not Quarantine or even [Rec]! I'm talking about a flick that came out before either one of those Shaky Camera Scary Movies but is currently Number Two at the box office (meaning its profit threshold is most certainly NOT "Number Two"!
I think you hear me knockin' and I think I'm comin' in... it's time to investigate some Paranormal Activity, isn't it?
SURVEY SAYS: it is! (11/06/09)
Another Year another Halloween comes upon us! And you know what that means. Yep, yet another Halloween movie review! Actually, at this rate, I'm about to run out of them... unless the remake dinks keep churning them out. Ick.
You attentive readers will know just where we're at in our yearly Halloween Sequel Features... that's right! It's high time for the 20th anniversary of the Screamer that Out screamed Scream! Unfortunately... Halloween H20 owes as much to Scream as Scream owed to the original Halloween! Worth a look? YOU DECIDE! (10/31/09)
Howdy, Folks! After taking some time off to fall back in love with Louisiana, I figured it was high time that I swung back into action to remind you that, yes, I still write Reviews. Though, admittedly, this one is a month late.
What do you get when you find nine Stitchpunks at your Future's End?
If your answer is "What the HELL is a Stitchpunk?" then you haven't yet watched 9.
It's cool and interesting, if incomplete, but folks... don't show this one to your kids. Sheesh! (10/09/09)
Well, hello, folks, miss me?
Well, okay, then...
for those of you who did, I reached a bit of a burnout point after the 2009 Summer of Horror and its rapid-fire, last-minute reviews, but I'm back and in full force now.
Or am I? Maybe I've just hired a Robot Double to do the heavy lifting for me!!! Well, you decide after reading my forward-thinking review for Surrogates! (09/27/09)
The end is finally here! We started the 2009 Summer of Horror on 6.6.9 an promised to end on 9.9.9., which is why I've unloaded this many reviews at once on the unsuspecting public!
This second Horror Summer has been about haunted houses, synergy, British Horror, terrifying links and, of course, how to survive a demonic possession! !
The 2006 Summer of Horror started on 6.6.6 with The Omen Remake and shot forth with a full fifty-four reviews, ending its run with the original The Omen! This time out, I was determined to meet or beat it, so on 6.6.9 I started with Exorcist II: The Heretic and am now about to post my fifty-fourth review of the season... and it is, of course, THE ORIGINAL The Exorcist! At long last. Yes, folks, I've managed to drum up all 54 reviews once again... amid the distractions of actually having a life now.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm tired of this crap. I'm taking a damn break and I don't want to even THINK about another horror movie for the next three years. Or... days... Hours, maybe! (9/9/9)
It's not midnight yet... and we've got more, if you can believe that... but only two more! That's right, the 2009 Summer of Horror continues now with its second to last review...
You saw this summer we featured all kinds of amazing Haunted House reviews... what's the main one you noticed was missing?
If you said Poltergeist, then you get the No-Prize! Our second-to-last flick finalizes the Haunted House streak and sets us up for the last review of the season. Guess what it is! (9/9/9)
Yeah, I know, I know, you're thinking "How many is this dude going to post today?" Well, folks, because the 2009 Summer of Horror is ending tonight at midnight, my answer is... "as many as it TAKES!"
You know we started this wicked season with a trip back to Georgetown for the terrible sequel Exorcist II: The Heretic! Dare we see how an Exorcist Sequel looks when done right?
Well, mostly right. Here, check out The Exorcist III, then think of a HAPPY joke... and Laugh! (9/9/9)
The time has come to revisit a vacation destination near and dear to all of our hearts as well as to the 2009 Summer of Horror! Did you think that the Haunted House streak could really end... without... The Shining?
Perish the thought... And GET A ROOM! (9/9/9)
Today is the final day of the 2009 Summer of Horror, making this our final night... and since we're celebrating with a little bit of the old Zombie Fun... you might call this one the... Night of the Creeps!
Yep, Night of the Creeps, the zombie worm horror flick that has never been released on DVD... Until 2009! Before the film is finally hits the small screen in widescreen digital glory, get ready for it by reading my review... It's spicy! (9/9/9)
Monsters, Monsters, Monsters all OVER the 2009 Summer of Horror! Anybody who knows anything about WorldsGreatestCritic.com knows that the preferred "monster" around here would be a... ZOMBIE! If... that's really what these waterlogged corpses in our next film really are... you'll note my ambiguity about that when you read my review for The Fog! And yes, folks, this one does bring us right back to our sweet, sweet Jamie Lee (9/9/9)
And here you thought that the Monsters were slowing down? HELL NO! the 2009 Summer of Horror continues now with a different kind of "thriller", once again from the dude who brought us A Christmas Story! Yeah, there's no synergy to be had or needed here because our next terror tale is Deathdream (aka: Dead of Night) and it is, as I say, "most assuredly" in a league of its own! (9/9/9)
Two Monstrous Turns deserve ONE MORE on this eve to the finale of the Summer of Horror! One of the Crown Jewels of the 2006 Summer of Horror was the review of the 1935 Universal Horror Classic Bride of Frankenstein! No, I'm not going for a remake of that incredible film...
In fact, I planned the 2009 Summer of Horror's synergy with that film to be a bit of a joke in the form of 1971's Lady Frankenstein, an Italian Schlock fest with plenty of nudity. Unfortunately for you (but fortunately for me) this one wasn't that bad, man!! (09/08/09)
Having trouble keeping up with these last minute Summer of Horror reviews? Imagine having to write the damned things! Let's take this synergystic time to revisit yet another MonSTAR! Three years ago this week, I posted the review for the 1932 Universal Classic The Mummy, you know the first horror film to feature a Wrap Star!
Lateness be my name, but here's the next bit of Summer of Horror synergy and it's from our friends at HAMMER FILMS! That's right, kids, it's time for The Mummy, featuring the undead serial killer with a star-crossed love! (09/08/09)
The first Summer of Horror was all about Classic Horror, Signs and Portents and eerie oddities. This Summer of Horror has been about Synergy with the past and about exposing the rarities of classic horror!
Three years ago on August 26, I posted the review for the 1931 Universal Classic Frankenstein, still considered to be an icon of modern creature features.
I may be late on this slice of Summer of Horror synergy, but it's high time that WorldsGreatestCritic.com reviewed the FIRST ever Frankenstein from way back in 1910! Don't miss Frankenstein, the silent classic worth its weight in nightmares! (09/08/09)
While I've yet to properly finish the Haunted House streak (and the 2009 Summer of Horror is almost out of time), let's carry on with this little Slasher ride with a film that was, most assuredly, ahead of its time!
Before the self aware horror slasher Semi-Comedies of the 1990s there was a strange slasher feature that brought movie theatre horror from the crowd to the big screen and back to the crowd. It was called, humorously and appropriately enough,Popcorn and while it didn't exactly EXPLODE at the box office, it more than holds its own today when compared to the more famous films that followed. So, as this Summer of Horror is winding down, why don't you buy a bag and go home in a box? (09/08/09)
Yeah, I know, I know, I just gave you Halloween II, a film that sounded like it should be about a guy in a Costume Mask stalking and slashing at one Jamie Lee, the world's most famous "Final Girl"! Sorry, it was the lame-ass remake's sequel instead.
But to make it up to you folks, the 2009 Summer of Horror continues now with Terror Train, a film about a guy in a Costume Mask stalking and slashing at one Jamie Lee, the world's most famous "Final Girl"! Yep, the time is right for Atonement, slashy style! (09/07/09)
Speaking of "Cameos" the 2009 Summer of Horror continues now with another walk-on rich flick, just like the last one... Only this one isn't any good at all!
Do we have any Michael Myers fans in the house? Well, let's see if we can change that now with the sequel to that Halloween remake!
It's called, of course, Halloween II and it is a stab in the dark, man... and not in a good way!!! (09/07/09)
The Haunted House streak and, in fact, the 2009 Summer of Horror on the whole is winding down now, but not, by any means is it running out of Steam!
So far this season has been one for the records, but this one just might take the cake... considering it has more stars in it than Sin City and The Player put together.
Okay, maybe not THAT many!
But dammit, check out the cool and creepy horror flick The Sentinel for yourself and just see what I mean. The cast list looks like a few stolen pages from the William Morris Agency, man! (09/05/09)
Okay, the Synergy Gimmick isn't 100% of what The 2009 Summer of Horror is all about! In fact, I just skipped some crap because I suck so bad, man!
Two Months ago and a butt-load of change, I reviewed a HAUNTING film that came out just about 23 years ago... No, it's not Poltergeist or even The Shining (do the math, clowns)!
Do you give up on the spirit of Horror Synergy? Well...
Here it is, folks, the moment you Summer of Horror fans have been waiting for! A review of 1987's
House II: The Second Story! You thought I was going to say The Exorcist, didn't you? Yeah, this movie is NOExorcist, but we all need our laughs SOMETIMES, am I right? (9.1.9)
Our last 2009 Summer of Horror, Haunted House flick was a true Richard Matheson CLASSIC.
To continue this little MINI-Streak, let's experience just a bit more Matheson with the more modern and much more underrated Stir of Echoes!
Now, imagine you're stiff as a board... now cluck like a Chicken... Now... oh HELL, just read the reviews!! (08/30/09)
The Wait is FINALLY over! The decade wait for Inglourious Basterds? No, the wait for my ass to finally write and post this review. I saw the damned thing at midnight last Thursday. I am REALLY slipping lately!
I blame you, it's your fault.
Yes, folks, it's finally here, Thirty-One years after the release of Inglorious Bastards, at long last, we get Tarantino's promised film is finally upon us! Let's all watch Inglourious Basterds and finish off by killing some Nazis!!! (08/27/09)
Well, this amazing Summer of Horror has, at last approached the mystical, magical date of August 23, 1974! I'm up late drinking beer and I'm considering staggering to the nearest 24 hour convenience store to boggart me some Cigarettes!
So let's take a break from the Haunted House Streak and enjoy one more slasher flick at my own request. After all, on a day like today, what can one say... except... Happy Birthday to Me!? Now, we wait!!! (08/23/09)
Let's take a quick break from our amazing Haunted House streak during our brilliant 2009 Summer of Horror! That is, unless you can consider this one about an entire "Haunted Skid Row"? Nah, me neither.
This is the realistic (somehow) tale of Alien Apartheid in South Africa that is handled with grace, action, horror and metaphor! It's called District 9, so pop open a can of Cat Food and get ready for the ride!! (8.16.9)
Amid this Haunted House streak we've just passed the point at which we have only one month left of the 2009 Summer of Horror! ! Today, however, it's time to grab one more slice of Synergy.
Back on 10/09/08 I reviewed the stink bug known as La Casa 3 and I've been apologizing ever since. Now, it's 08/10/09, so it's high time that we foreclosed on the whole "La Casa" series! So let's Synergize:
Folks, I can't get enough of The Evil Dead! I love that movie... and the guys who made it love me (see my Feedback page for details on that)!
Yep, the only thing The Evil Dead could use more of is... sequels... and we're getting them, starting in the year of our Lord, 2011!
But in Italy, following in that arcane, nonsense tradition of unofficial sequels, there are already a ton of sequels to those films (released around "the Boot" as the "La Casa" series). The last of these, following hard upon La Casa 4 and was called, obviously, La Casa 5! Unfortunately, it sucks more than the vacuum cleaner it would take to clean up La Titular Casa! Yeah, it's bad... Folks, if you read this review and still find yourself excited enough to seek out and view La Casa 5, I've got five words of advice for you: Tums, Tums, Tums, Tums, TUUUUUUUUUUMS! (08/10/09)
The "For God's Sake Get Out" factor is a prime and constant element of just about every Haunted House flick, whether a part of 2009 Summer of Horror or not. This next Fright Feature turns that whole concept upside down because everything seems perfectly reasonable at first. But if the title is anything to go by... everyone who steps inside of it may well become... Burnt Offerings!
How was that, Kiddies? I'm trying to become the next Crypt Keeper! (08/09/09)
So, how are you liking this here Haunted House streak in this here 2009 Summer of Horror so far? That bad, huh? Well... SIT ON IT!
Because if you're not digging it so far, you're definitely not going to be diggin' this next butt nugget in the toilet bowl of bad Italian horror flicks! You know, it's much less of a surprise that we've had Bad Italian Horror flicks in this bad Horror Season than it is that we actually had a GOOD Italian Horror Flick stuck up in here somewhere!
This Bad Italian Horror flick is just that... BAD... Yeah, it's time to sink to new foundations with my review for the SECOND flick in the "La Casa" series, entitled of course... La Casa 4! No, no, no, you read that right! The Second Flick... is part four. I'm sorry folks, I truly, truly am! (08/07/09)
Our last three Summer of Horror II reviews have related back to "The Ultimate Haunted House Movie" , which is what most people would call Alien! So you think that doesn't apply? Think about it, kids!
Now, let's go for broke and investigate some SERIOUS Haunted House Movies in our Summer of HorrorHaunted House Streak... starting with the CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD: THE HAUNTING!!! Yeah... THE ORIGINAL kicks it off for us!
And if you thought the "Streaks" so far haven't held water... two flicks here, three flicks there... hold on to your creaky attics, folks, because The Summer of Horror 2's Haunted House Streak is going to be one of those proverbial "Big Corellian Ships"! (07/31/09)
And now, the moment SOME of you have been waiting for... I think. I guess... Maybe. Anyway, The 2009 Summer of Horror, continues our three-part introductory streak to a new mega-streak, just around the bend... and it's going to be as unexpected as this entry!
Yes, folks, it's high time we discussed the Sci-Fi/ Horror flick that helped lead to so many other classics. Yeah, with a name like Planet of the Vampires, you know it's going to be a B-Movie of some kind, but take note: This inventive slice of scary science fiction may cut some corners, but does so in a creative and pioneering way that will look familiar and cool in hindsight! After all, we are talking about another horror flick from Bava and Son!
Summer of Horror fans rejoice!
It's Terrore Nello Spazio! (07/29/09)
Believe it or not, this next one DOES constitute a streak with our last review. You'll see why soon. It also serves as yet another slice of The 2009 Summer of Horror Synergy, in that three years ago today, I posted the review for Creature from the Black Lagoon! So let's spoof THAT Posting now:
For most of our lives, there has been one name that has been Synonymous with "Horror"... No, not The Exorcist! Will you be patient? I'm joking about Corman! The Summer of Horror couldn't be complete without Corman's unsung classic Creature From The Haunted Sea! We're gonna need a bigger bloat! (07/27/09)
Well, we've just passed our twenty-fifth review (by this time during the first Summer of Horror, we were at sixteen, so 25 is pretty good!). Incidentally "25" is the number that's going to get me into trouble now. See during The 2009 Summer of Horror, we've been doing a lot of synergy with the first one, releasing related films on the same date as the first time. In the case of our next terror tale, I planned to link it up with 1980's pretender to the Alien throne: Alien 2: On Earth, which I could have sworn was reviewed on July 25th... but was July 24th. SLACKER!
So... let's run with it anyway... Three years ago THIS WEEK, I reviewed Alien 2, the unofficial sequel to Alien! Today, we hit you with the real deal Holyfield, so let's SYNERGIZE:
It wasn't hard to find, I always knew it existed. It was worth finding, even thought I have four or five copies of it. How can I make an already dubious-in-taste Summer of Horror even better? With the first (and VERY, VERY, VERY official) sequel to Alien! It's called Aliens, and it will make you believe that perhaps War Crimes Tribunals should be extended toward mean spirited Corporations and Weiland-Yutani's malicious machinations. Holy Crap! (07.25.09)
Twenty-four scary turns deserve another during
The 2009 Summer of Horror! I ask you, what would the SUMMER OF HORROR be without George Romero? No Summer of Horror, I would ever want... to... be... oh, wait... The first Summer of Horror didn't feature any Romero, did it?
Okay, well... this... this one does! And, folks, he's been all over the site, past, present and future. Now, let's revisit what was actually the latest Romero Flick I ever saw: Bruiser, featuring a very uncool wannabe in a white mask that goes defective.
Yes, Yes! And believe it or not, it's still pretty darned good!
Check out Bruiser as another exciting part of The Summer of Horror II!!! (7.23.9)
Okay, time to break from our B-Movie streak, as we did with our Sexy Vampire streak and our Killer Car streak!
Damn, I just realized the 2009 Summer of Horror SUCKs, man! I'll have to get back to all that crap soon!
Anyway... Three years ago today, I reviewed Hitchcock's classic Frenzy and since I synergized two Hitchcock Flicks with their De Palma counterparts on 07.07.09, let's relive the great Hitchcock day with a little De Palma!
Since this great Summer of Horror started, I've been teasing you with two things... A review of The Exorcist and a review of a Bona Fide Brian DePalma thriller! Because the response has been unquestionably in favor of my reviewing The Exorcist as soon as inhumanly possible, here's Brian DePalma's classic Dressed to Kill! JOKE ON IT!!!
Are you ready for more B-Movies to continue our B-Streak of the 2009 Summer of Horror? Are you ready for another CLASSIC from the JURASSIC? Are you ready for more WorldsGreatestCritic.Comedy?
Well, look no further as we bring to you another oldie, yet baddie, yet... funny film called Attack of the Giant Leeches! That's just about as B as a B-Movie Title can GET...
But it wasn't always meant to be a joke! Being featured on MST3K surely didn't help get it taken seriously, but once upon a time this was a Creature Feature that promised CREEPING HORROR! Don't miss Attack of the Giant Leeches, because I assure you they won't miss you!
Well, it's July 13, 2009! Monday the 13th! Yeah! And since "13" pushed together looks like a "B", it's time to get into some B-Movies for our next streak within the 2009 Summer of Horror!
What is a "B-Movie"? A BAD Movie? No! "B-Movies" were originally named so because they were the secondary film in a double feature. The "A-Movie" would be the bigger budgeted blockbuster while the "B-Movie" would be the opening act, generally made with less funds and second-string actors.
"Double Features" are rare these days, but "B-Movies" are still being made. The term has come to describe certain lower budgeted films less likely to make huge splashes at the box office.
However, B-Movies aren't merely trash films... well, not always. Some of the best actors and directors of our time started in B-Movies and B-Movies have transcended their low-class status to become self-aware comedies in some cases and surprisingly high-quality films in others.
Unfortunately, to start this streak, we don't have one of those GOOD ones. No, we're starting with a flop called PIGS! And if that doesn't OINK "B-Movie" to you pretty loudly then its original title of Daddy's Deadly Darling certainly should.
Yeah, there are all kinds of high-quality B-Movies out there... but Pigs isn't one of them. Watch out for H1N1, folks!
To continue our 2009 Summer of Horror Sexy Vampire streak, here's a snippet of a instant messaging conversation I had with my Best Friend yesterday online:
Elle: whatcha doin
J.C.:Watching South Park and half-working on a review for a Lesbian Vampire movie.
Elle: Of course you are.
That says it all! So, without any further ado (because who ever said "I could really use some more ADO!") let's dive right into the Sapphic Joys of VAMPYRES, the film that still serves as a remarkable reminder of what a great idea it is to pick up British Hitchhikers! (07/12/09)
Time for more Synergy... And this one, I'll admit, is kind of a stretch... Well, it's REALLY a stretch!
On 10/09/07 I reviewed a Video Nasty called Flesh for Frankenstein for that year's fall season Fall... In Love with a VIDEO NASTY! Now it's 07/10/09 and for the 2009 Summer of Horror it's time to review the stupid movie the makers of Flesh For Frankenstein made just because they had time and felt like it. Ready? SYNERGIZE!
Some of the names that have appeared on the list of Video Nasties are no-brainers... others may surprise you. For example... Andy Warhol.
Yep. Andy Warhol!
So, as the 2009 Summer of Horror continues, check out another reason your favorite POP artist and mine, made the list as you read the review for Blood for Dracula! Let me remind you, though... this one is most certainly... not a video nasty... but it IS nasty. You won't even be THINKING about Campbell's Soup after this one!
Maybe... BRUCE... Campbell's Soup... if anything. (07/10/09)
Well, two Five Star movies in a row! Could this be a new era of GREATNESS for WorldsGreatestCritic.com?
I WISH! No... No... No... Unfortunately, as the 2009 Summer of Horror continues, it's back to the old CRAPOLA!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, we'll have more Killer Cars, soon, but firrrrrrrrrrst we'll get into our "Sexy Vampire Flick" streak. Sadly, Evils of the Night is a HELL of a start! And that's not a compliment.
If you hate Exploitation Flicks... avoid this one.
If you LOVE Exploitation Flicks... avoid this one.
If you love 80s porn stars and you want to see more of them... YOU SHOULD STILL avoid the hell out of Evils of the Night! (07.09.09)
Yes, it's true, no one does SUSPENSE quite like Hitchcock! Our Summer of Horror continues now with yet another Synergy with yet another tribute to Hitch. Yep, how about more Hitchcock with Vertigo. If you've seen Body Double and other De Palma flicks, you've probably wondered where he got his ideas... Check this one and Rear Window for your answer! You won't have to SUSPEND your disbelief for this SUSPENSE thriller, but man does it ever make this Summer of Horror even hotter! (07.07.09)
More Summer of Horror 2009 Synergy? No? Well, too bad. My site, I make the rules.
Three years ago today I posted a couple of groovy reviews of films inspired by (Read: "borrowed from") some of Hitchcock's best! Now it seems only fair and right to show you just what was being ripped off!
So, we take a break from the soon-to-return "Killer Car Streak" to pay tribute to (and to hopefully top) our postings of Blow Out and Body Double, we boldly ask this question again:
What is Horror, really? Scares and Jumps? No, that's just startling. Horror is about SUSPENSE! Now, the Summer of Horror pays tribute to SUSPENSE by handing you a big screaming barrel full of it!!! Who does suspense better than Alfred Hitchcock? No one does. And I do have a new Hitchcock Review, just for you! So enjoy the Coke to De Palma's Pepsi: Alfred Hitchcock, and his 1954 thriller Dial 'M' for Murder! I know you'll be glad you did! (07.07.09)
Happy Fourth of July, everybody! Incidentally, July 4, 2008 was the end of our last official Season!
After our almost-year break, The 2009 Summer of Horror is kicking the Sanguine Season into High Gear.
Today is Independence Day and July 4th weekend is famous for being the starting line for all kinds of summer vacations! Whether you're traveling or staying put, what better day than today to kick off our Killer Car Streak with, you guessed it, The Car! Yes, THE CAR. It'd be easier to mistake the plot of Snakes on a Plane than a title like
Drive Safely, folks and Happy Fourth! (7.4.9)
The WorldsGreatestCritic.com2009 Summer of Horror is back in full force now with a little something-something that you might find a bit familiar if you browsed a Video Store or tape rental section of an Albertsons back in the late 1980s.
Yeah, you recognize this art? Now... show of hands... who out there was fool enough to get suckered into actually watching Future-Kill?
If so, you have my condolences! If not, read my review and that's all you need to do! Frat Boys vs. Inner-City Augmented Mutants! What the hell? Don't subject yourselves to such torture Dudes and Chicks! That's what WorldsGreatestCritic.com is here for! I'm watching BAD movies so you don't have to!
Join me as we go from an Ultra-Indie about making a bad horror flick... to... the real thing! "Future-Kill"! That says it all!
INDIE INTERLUDE: Yes, it's time for another Ultra-Indie to keep this streak going, but don't worry, this isn't another break from The 2009 Summer of Horror!
No, no Kiddies and Kitties, our next frightful feast is Lights Camera Dead, a horror comedy that fits perfectly in with our Season of Wither! Further, it comes with a frighteningly ringing endorsement as my wife's Bengal Kitten Lola (one of the most frightening creatures in the history of the planet) loves the movie! Couldn't take her monstrous little eyes off of it! More to come, CREEPS! (6.26.9)
Okay, the Synergy Gimmick isn't 100% of what The 2009 Summer of Horror is all about, but hey, Nostalgia and Continuity, right? Right!
Three years ago today, I reviewed an a pre-J-HorrorHaunted House piece called "The House where Evil Dwells!"
Today we stroll back to another HAUNTING film that came out just a few years later... No, it's not Poltergeist or even The Shining!
Do you give up on the spirit of Horror Synergy? Well...
Here it is, folks, the moment you Summer of Horror fans have been waiting for! A review of 1986's
House! You thought I was going to say Amityville 4, didn't you? Yeah, this movie is NOAmityville! Which is a GOOD thing! (6.24.9)
Now it's time, once again, for one of our The 2009 Summer of Horror Synergy Pieces! Three years ago today, I reviewed an American-Made English-language version of Dracula!
Today, I'm reviewing a American-Made English-Language version of the same story that you and I know so well!
So, in the spirit of Horror Synergy, let me say:
What could be better to continue this kick-ass Summer of Horror than by reaching back to the gothic 1992 of Terror with Bram Stoker's Dracula... and this time, I'll bet you it IS the one you're thinking of. Don't we all think of Oldman when we think of the Count? Ah, well... maybe! (6.19.9)
Now it's time, once again, for one of our The 2009 Summer of Horror Synergy Pieces! Three years ago today, I reviewed an American-Made foreign-language version of Dracula!
Today, I'm reviewing a Foreign-Made English-Language version of the same story that you and I know so well!
So, in the spirit of Horror Synergy, let me say:
What could be better to celebrate The World's Greatest Critic's Summer of Horror than by reaching back to the gothic roots of Terror with Dracula... And it might not be the one you're thinking of. Rock on! (6.18.9)
Still here, FREAKS? The 2009 Summer of Horror has just moved past the mini-3D streak and our "Red Letter Day" streak, so it's time to get back to the way we started this season... with POSSESSION!
Yes, folks, our next terror tale is not just a rip off of The Exorcist, it's the RIP OFF that started (and legalized) them all!
Trust me, even though I'll admit that Chi Sei? is pretty scary in parts, you'll come out of this one wanting to sue also.
And when you're suffering from a bad case of ASSONITIS, you'll say to yourself "Can't we just get Beyond the Door?
Lamely Possessed slice of The Summer of Horror 2!!! (6.17.9)
One 3-D turn deserves another during
The 2009 Summer of Horror!
After the bizarre, futuristic 3-D Terror of Parasite, how about we roll on back to the past... my past, that is, to a film I loved as a kid! This proves I must not have been the sharpest tack in the corkboard, folks!
With a talented cast, cutting-edge technology and some superb writers to boot, all the signs were pointing toward Jaws 3-D being a real winner. So... why did it sink like "Bruce the Stone"?
The answer to this and many other questions can be found in my review for Jaws 3-D! Another Fine Part of The Summer of Horror II!!! (6.10.9)
I've always said that "film reviewing is the last truly parasitic occupation out there", so it's only fitting that our third review for The 2009 Summer of Horror would be 1982's Three Dimensional, Futuristic Schlock and Gore Fest Parasite!
I'd like to tell you that you're going to love this one, but I can honestly only barely remember it.
If you're in the mood for a bad horror flick (with some promising special effects from our 2008 Dead Man of the YearStan Winston) check out Parasite! If not... what, are you on this website by ACCIDENT?
Don't forget, I'm here for you, watching BAD MOVIES so you don't have to! That's what The Summer of Horror II is all about!
One scary turn deserves another during
The 2009 Summer of Horror!
I ask you, what would the SUMMER OF HORROR be without Dario Argento? No Summer of Horror, I would ever want... to... be... oh, wait... The first Summer of Horror didn't feature any Dario, did it?
Okay, well... this... this one does! And, folks, he's been all over the site, past, present and future. Now, let's revisit what was probably the first Argento Flick I ever saw: PHENOMENA, featuring a veritable army of insects and a bug detective.
Yes, Yes! And believe it or not, it's still pretty darned good!
Check out Phenomena as another exciting part of The Summer of Horror II!!! (6.7.9)
It's finally Here! The 2009 Summer of Horror!!! The first Summer of Horror started three years ago today on 6.6.6 and ran all the way to 9.9.6 with a total of 54 reviews and the primacy and recency of The Omen!
From there we branched out into two full years of Seasons before breaking and just becoming "Regular Ass Kneumsi" for a while. Now we begin again with "The Summer of Horror II", which runs from 6.6.9 all the way through to 9.9.9!!!
And just how should we start such an amazing season? By me doing something obvious and showing my hand not a little, but a lot.
Yes, our first review of the season is a movie that had every reason to go right, but went horribly, horribly wrong. It's fascinating to see just what havoc was wrought from Exorcist II: The Heretic, but folks... you're going to find out. Stay tuned for more unspeakable horror (not to mention bad puns and lame jokes) from WorldsGreatestCritic.com and The 2009 Summer of Horror!!!
I listen for your Creme Tangerine
I've just seen a face and Montelimat I can't forget The time Footsteps or place where we just met Coming up the drive
She's not a girl who misses much...She's just the girl for me and a Ginger Sling with a Pineapple Heart I want all the world to see we've met I listen for your footsteps
Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo...MMM-MMM-MMM-MMM-MMM-MMM oh, yeah!
But they don't arrive
She's well acquainted with the Coffee Dessert touch of the velvet hand yes Like a lizard you know waiting on your knock on a window pane!
The man in the crowd with the multicolored mirror on his dear hobnail boots on my old front door! Had it been another day It's Good News! I don't hear it! I might have looked the other way
does it mean you don't love me anymore?
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Coconut Fudge I'm sorry that really blows I doubted you!
If you're going to Lai-down dai-dai-lai-de-dai!attemptI need a Fix the BLUES 'cause I'm goin' down Falling!to useBut you'll have my profile to have to linethem all pulled out your pockets withYes I am Falling down to the bits that I left uptown someAnd she keeps calling After the Savoy Truffle"ComI was SO unfair...meyou might not feel it now ntI need a fix 'cause I'm goin' down but when the pain cuts through you're going to know and how !"that'sThe Sweat is going to fill Me back again!actually a TELEMOTHER SUPERIOR JUMPED THE GUN!MARKETING AD I have never knownfor some BULLSHIT SPAM CRAPYou were in a Car Crash,, then you deserve to die. The likes of MOTHER SUPERIOR JUMPED THIS! THE GUN!Save yourself I've been alonetheAnd you lost your head troubleand I have missed your hair! When it becomes too much MOTHER SUPERIOR JUMPED Things and kept THE GUN out! and don't fucking ask to "friend" me.MOTHER SUPERIOR JUMPED THE GUN!You said that you would be late.You're going to shout aloud! . instead, go light yourAbout an Hour or Two Of sight!!self on fire you piece of piss whore MOTHER SUPERIOR you know that what you eat JUMPED you are THE GUN!cockBut other girls were never quite like this!slBut what is sweet now turns so sour obBut that's all right I'm waiting We all know MOTHER SUPERIOR JUMPED THE GUN here! Waste of (my)MMM-MMM-MMM-Lai-de-dai!SPACEO-Bla-Di-Bla-Da . MOTHER SUPERIOR JUMPED THE GUN! But can you show me where you are?
Falling!DIE... Yes I am Falling!DIE... DIEAnd she keeps calling!!MOTHER SUPERIOR JUMPED THE GUN Just Waiting to hear from Me back again!!
YouHappiness is You! a warm gun!r "request"Don't pass me by! (Bang, bang,Creme Tangerine shoot shoot!)will be reportI've just seen a face!ed as spamDon't make me cry! I can't forget Happiness is a warm gun, yes it And montelimat is, you will be the time or place where we just met!immediately (Bang, bang, shoot shoot a Ginger Sling!)deletedDon't make me blue!, andShe's just the girl for me and When I hold you In my ARMS...I will pay And I want the local covenwith to add you toAll the world a Pineapple Heart ! 'Cause you know, Coffee Dessert Darlin', yes, you know it's good news! their "TOAnd I feel My Finger on YOUR TRIGGER, BE SACRIFICED:" list.To See I love only you! We've Met!You never know it hurt me so!FuckBut I know nobody can do me NO HARMyou very muchBecause, You'll have Happiness to have them all is a warm gun mama I hate to see you Pulled Out!!
go after Happiness! is a warm gun, yes it is!-J Don't pass me byCHappiness! is a warm, yes it is... gun!M3Don't Doo-Ah, don't make me cry! you Doo know that happiness Doo-Lai is the Savoy Truffle -ade warm gun! (It's a warm gun, YEAH-Dai!!)