INDIE INTERLUDE: Argh! Two Hollywood flicks in a row! Lest we forget that we're still in the midst of Indie and Spring, not to mention in the midst of the DOCUMENTARY STREAK, it's time to get back to it and have another taste of those Indies.
Yes, we're moving on with another Independent Documentary Film, sliding into the fast lane to pass Hunter Weeks in a convertible with Hunter S. Thompson... and the "Taste" in question would be, of course, Breakfast with Hunter. Man, that's one Gonzo meal! Pass the Fear and Loathing!
(05/12/2008)
Any question that Lost has become big enough to work as an obscure reference was dashed last night when I saw a temporarily crippled kid jump up into Matthew Fox's face and scream "Do not tell me what I Can't Do!" in the new movie Speed Racer! I was like "Dude, that's a John Locke reference, isn't it?"
But I digress... Speed Racer! Fast Cars, Faster Cars, even Faster Cars... Good... but not quite great! (05/10/2008)
One would think that with technology incredible enough to allow a pilot to fly without the plane somehow somebody could make Voice Recognition Software that was worth a damn. Look, idiots, if you have to repeat things over and over only to get the faux-friendly voice saying "I didn't get that!", you should seriously consider bringing Touch Tone back.
Well, it seemed to work okay for Tony Stark in the well done comic book adaptation Iron Man! That guy's giving commands like mad and all his robots are just doing it. Hell, he even uses the Voice Dial on his helmet-based Cell Phone and it totally works. That's it, folks, I'm going to go change clothes now. I wonder if ol' Tony has licensed that design for mass market. Either way, check out Iron Man and its review that might take you longer to read than the Novelization. (05/05/2008)
INDIE INTERLUDE: In fact... let's kick off one of my infamous "Streaks" this time out... who's ready for a Documentary Streak? Well that's what you're getting, starting with 10 MPH, a film about driving cross country on a unique transport very, very, very slowly.
And considering the fact that I was given 10 MPH in MAY of 2007 to review and I'm just now posting it shows you that I, myself, have been going at about 10 MPH when it comes to the Ultra Indies.
Look, folks, those Seventy-Four Reviews from the list of Video Nasties weren't going to write themselves, now were they?
Yes, Yes... Indie and Spring 2008 is all about Atonement!
Check out 10 MPH! Independent at any speed!
(04/30/2008)
Uh... INTERLUDE from the INDIE INTERLUDES... Taking a break from the Socially Conscious films we've just touched upon, let's get right back into the same old WorldsGreatestCritic.com garbage with yet another Zombie Movie... this time: Day of the Dead!
"But, wait!" I can hear you say, "Day of the Dead and all of the Romero Zombie Movies are really quite socially conscious and share a brilliant trend toward satire and global commentary!"
I agree, but this isn't THATDay of the Dead! This is the 2008 Remake Day of the Dead, leaving me to wish for night to fall. Hey, you know what? Romero was originally going to call Land of the Dead "Twilight of the Dead"... why doesn't somebody just make "Dusk of the Dead"? If you don't, I will. Hell, we've already got "Dawn of the Living Dead", "Flight of the Living Dead: Outbreak on a Plane" and "Erotic Nights of the Living Dead"... I'm thinking it's all fair game now. Maybe we can get Marshall Tucker to do the Soundtrack! (04/24/2008)
INDIE INTERLUDE: I was first turned on to this movie, Train Ride, by a correspondent who shared an admiration for the prolific actress Esther Rolle.
Train Ride was her last screen appearance and she really made it count.
Yes, after all the film and TV she had done, Esther Rolle's last film was an Ultra-Indie. You'll see why she chose to make this movie, too. It was worth her time to make and worth your time to watch.
Train Ride! Catch it!
(04/20/2008)
INDIE INTERLUDE: First I said I was quitting, then I said I had "Academic Burnout", then I don't post anything for 8 days.
Anybody notice?
No?
Well, notice this, Baystate Blues, COME ON DOWN! You're the next Ultra Indie on Indie and Spring 2008!
Who loves ya?
(04/16/2008)
INDIE INTERLUDE: You remember back in College when Finals Week would come up and you'd be cramming and cramming and studying and going over notes and pushing gallons of knowledge into your shot-glass sized brain and it all pays off because you do, you know, pretty damned well on your finals but afterward you've got academic burnout to such a degree that the very sight of a math problem or a sentence diagram can send you into a Sonic Tizzy the likes of which haven't been seen since Three's Company got cancelled?
That's kind of me after the Winter of Weird. Hence my nigh-on week off after that April Fool's prank.
So I'm basically kicked back in train stations reading the best of Archie, Jughead, Betty & Veronica, Reggie of Riverdale and Archie's Super Teens! Man, I tell you... this week ol' Arch has to decide whether to fix his Jalopy or lend Juggy some money for a Double Hamburger. What will he choose? Ha, ha, ha!
But back to the Ultra Indies.
Here's a pretty good one from some upwardly mobile Canadian auteur-type guys that have only been waiting for their Independent Flick to be reviewed for two months and change, meaning they have not yet jumped on the "Fuck Kneumsi" bandwagon.
Check out Confusions of an Unmarried Couple, our latest feature in Indie and Spring 2008!
It's a Festival of Funny Dialogue!
Everything's Ar-chieeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
(04/08/2008)
INDIE INTERLUDE: Actually, does it count as an "Interlude" if that's the main path?
Slightly less than a year ago (and I mean... SLIGHTLY less) I was sent a copy of a comedy/ horror short called "Cannibal Flesh Riot" with a request for a review.
I'm a terrible human being and I must pay for my misdeeds.
Featuring the Ultra Indies is what this Season is all about, though, so what better time is there than now to feature this unique film from the surreal mind of Gris Grimley.
As is common, I could use a bridge between this season and last season. What better bridge could there be between the 2008 Winter of Weird and Indie and Spring 2008 than Cannibal Flesh Riot? Oh, and, trust me, folks, it's not what you're thinking. Don't judge and Indie by its title!
(04/07/2008)
INDIE INTERLUDE: I said I'd give you a day to catch up before I launched the next season... It's been damned near a week. I call that Generous, you call it Lazy!
From just about the beginning of WorldsGreatestCritic.com, Ultra-Independent Film Makers have seen this handmade site and felt enough of a kinship to send me their movies for review. It started out pretty slow, then the flood increased to the point that I have a constantly shifting stack of Indies to review. But I had all these "Seasons" to get through.
Summer of Horror 2006 led to Operation Sci-Fall 2006, which begat Winter of Wit 2007, which overlapped with Spring into Action 2007 which fed the Dog Days of Summer 2007, which kicked off the Video Nasty boom that continued in Fall... in Love with a Video Nasty 2007 and concluded in the 2008 Winter of Weird!
Sure a lot of these seasons did feature an Ultra-Indie or two, but the odds were that if your film didn't fit into these seasons, I wouldn't have time. I suck.
Naturally many Independent Filmmakers have started wondering just who in the name of Timothy Fuck I think I am. So what am I to do? The answer is simple... I'll launch a new season devoted to them specifically, celebrating the Ultra Indies I have reviewed, the Ultra Indies I've been waiting to review and the new Ultra Indies that are being submitted to me right now.
Introducing: Indie And Spring, a celebration of the Worlds Greatest Critic's ULTRA INDIES!
(04/07/2008)
April Fool!
Aw, man! You BOUGHT that? No way! I was just bullshittin'! And you know this... Man! I ain't goin' nowhere!
Oh, what, what, was taking the entire WorldsGreatestCritic.com site down in favor of a heart-breaking Goodbye Note in bad taste? Folks, I'm the guy who put a review of Horton Hears a Who right in between reviews of El Topo and Cannibal Holocaust!
Here, I'll give you a day to catch up on the reviews before I introduce our next season. Welcome back, Cutter!
HAH, "someone else's vision"... really... (April 02, 2008)
Here it is, at long last, the final review of the 2008 Winter of Weird and the final review of the Video Nasties, posted almost four full years afer my first Video Nasty review (which was Zombie Flesh Eaters, incidentally)!
This one (the 55th Video Nasty reviewed, but the 74th posted) plays like a summation of the entire list. It was believed by many to be a real, live Snuff Film (to the point that the director was actually arrested and charged with Murder), it's a Cannibal Film, it features sexualized violence and actual animals killed (horribly)... everything but the Nazis (and I hate Nazis) and its publicity and controversy helped to bring about the Video Nasty Bans in the first place! What's it called? Say it with me:
Cannibal Holocaust! I can think of no better way to sum up the Nasties or the Winter of Weird than this. Be warned... Cannibal Holocaust will not read like a celebration, nor will watching it make you feel particularly good. But it is the last film of this season. The Last Video Nasty on my list and... Well, today is the end of a lot of things.
Cannibal Holocaust... Good Night and Goodbye.
(03/31/2008)
This is our final day of the 2008 Winter of Weird and I still haven't reviewed Horton Hears a Who yet.
As much of a travesty as that is, I can make sure we all avoid another big travesty with the inclusion of this next review... for:
EL TOPO, one of the weirdest films you could ever hope to survive. What would the Winter of Weird be without this one? Of course there are probably many more that you're wondering why I didn't review. Well, there were a lot on the list and it's hard to get to them all. Sorry folks, but today is the very, very last day. Ah, well, enjoy EL TOPO while you can!
(03/31/2008)
How in the WORLD can I possibly follow up a review like the one for Lifeforce?
Why with Faces of Death, of course!
Yes, folks, once more tonight into the Video Nasties, continuing (and, depending on how you look at it... closing) our Reality Streak of the Final Fall of the Video Nasties... which, in turn, is heralding the end of the 2008 Winter of Weird!
Faces of Death is part mockumentary, part documentary, all shockumentary and though it's the 74th Video Nasty review I wrote, it's actually the 73rd Video Nasty posted to this site... which leaves... only one more! Process of elimination will reveal it all, folks, but if you want to be surprised, stay tuned till tomorrow to find out what my 74th and final Video Nasty review will be!
(It's actually the 55th one I wrote!)
Winter of Weird ends tomorrow, along with a great many other things... face their deaths starting with the Video NastyFaces of Death.
(03/30/2008)
How about another WEIRD, but not NASTY entry into the 2008 Winter of Weird, which is almost at its close.
You ever have a movie that everybody tells you is the movie for you, but you've never watched it, and you never knew why? Apparently for me that movie was Lifeforce an incredibly weird movie about Space Vampires invading Earth to create Zombies and have sex. Lifeforce!
If you've ever read any of my reviews, you can see why... this is most assuredly, my movie! The rest of you are probably thinking, dude, he's never watched Lifeforce? Lifeforce!
(03/30/2008)
Just when you thought it was Safe to go back to the What's New page...
I'm throwing more Video Nasties at you. Hey, only three left to go (out of Seventy-Four!!!).
Just as Exposé gave us the realistic story of a quest to snuff out a jackass (and closed the Grindhouse Streak in the process), this next movie gives us a great deal of controversy and protests, not to mention a few hundred urban legends of its own... all the while kicking off our last streak in the Final Fall of the Video Nasties: The Reality Streak.
Here's Snuff, the little movie that would have you believe it's a real snuff film... but if you'll believe that, you'll believe anything!
(03/30/2008)
So much for the (Grind)House Streak. Let's step out of the house and into the woods... in fact, away from the Video Nasties for our next Weird Flick.
If you thought weird films were featured in the 2008 Winter of Weird so far, you haven't seen anything yet. Check out the Action Zombie Thriller known as:
Versus.
That's all I'm saying.
(03/29/2008)
Da "House Streak" is in Da House! The Grindhouse that is! Hey, I should've called it... Da Hizzle Streak... or even... Da Hizzle Streazzle! Yezzle!
Okay, maybe not.
And now, for a SUPER HOT Video Nasty to both continue and conclude our "Hizzle Streazzle"!
The 71st Posted Video Nasty to WorldsGreatestCritic.com is called
House on Straw Hill... but this psychotic hyper-sexualized horror-drama was known in England around the time of its Banning as Exposé! And you'll see why.
After this there are only THREE MORE Video Nasties on the DPP list of 74 to EXPOSE! Bear up with me for them, the next streak and... more weirdness...
(03/29/2008)
The "House Streak" of our 2008 Winter of Weird's Final Fall of the Video Nasties now continues with a truly Ghastly little movie from 1968, dearies, not 1948... or 1868 for that matter... known as Blood Rites in England (where it was Banned for Obscenities), but is known in the land of the Red, White and Blue as The Ghastly Ones!
Don't let the year of release fool you, this is neither the Summer of Love, nor the Prudish Establishment. But... it does suck like an Electrolux.
(03/29/2008)
So, The House on the Edge of the Park both got us clear of our Revenge Streak and opened up for us our next streak... which took a HUGE amount of imagination on my part.
It's the "House Streak"... because they all have to do... with... houses. Yeah, I was up all nigh-, no, wait, WEEK thinking that one up. Man... 2008's Video Nasty Reviews, dude...
With the exception of Tenebrae's shadowy emergence, we started with the Nazisploitation Streak, then hit the Animal Crap streak, then right on into the Cannibal Exploitation streak, flipping squarely into our Slasher Streak, which brought us into our Revenge Streak... and now... "The House Streak".
That's... that's brilliant. How Mensa hasn't drafted me yet is a mystery that the combined skills of Holmes and Poirot couldn't solve.
Ah, forget it... Just read about Madhouse, the next/ first entry into our House Streak!
(03/28/2008)
VENGEANCE IS MINE... for one more review.
Yes, our Revenge Streak of the 2008 Winter of Weird closes with the un-unravelable Epic of Revenge:
The House on the Edge of the Park!
It also sets up our next (admittedly lame) streak, which will slam the door on the Revenge Streak...
So, I guess... VENGEANCE WAS MINE!
(03/27/2008)
Well, this one doesn't compute!
If you thought Viruses were bad, you should check out the next Video Nasty in our Revenge Streak. This one doesn't bother with Viruses... This computer is POSSESSED BY DEMONS!
I wonder if the folks at Norton or McAffee have an upgrade for that!
You might need an upgrade for wackiness, too, though, because this one's about a nerdy kid using his possessed PC to take revenge on the Bullies who hosed him at Military School. And it's NOT by posting nude pictures of their girlfriends on Facebook!
DARE YOU CLICK THIS LINK TO READ ABOUT EVILSPEAK?
(03/27/2008)
Let me take the opportunity that we're in a Revenge Streak to burn off yet another Ilsa movie (of sorts), each of which follow that same old Revenge storyline. It's not a Video Nasty, in fact, if you want to split hairs, it's not even REALLY an Ilsa movie!
It's Ilsa, the Wicked Warden, but was originally known as Greta - Haus ohne Männer and went by such other titles as Wanda, the Wicked Warden, Greta, the Mad Butcher and even The Prison of the Female Perverts (translated from the French)!
Who would stoop so low as to first make an unofficial Ilsa flick (with the same star) and then try to pass his work off as an official entry? Jess Fucking Franco, that's who!
(03/27/2008)
Because Island of Death was kind (or vengeful) enough to break us into our Revenge Streak, we can now continue with another of the most notorious Video Nasties:
I Spit on Your Grave!
If you're not familiar with it, I'll tell you what I told my best friend when she discovered that her sleazy room-mate had a copy... "Don't start with this one!"
Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!
(03/26/2008)
What lies beyond the Bay of Blood? The Island of Death, of course!
Yes, Yes, Yes, our Slasher Streak both continues and concludes with a... Greek... Horror... Movie.
A Greek Horror Movie... called Island of Death!
It's a naked romp across the Greek islands that gets totally ruined by murder, bigotry and revenge.
Hey, that means Island of Death also sets up our next streak in the Final Fall of the Video Nasties... The Revenge Streak! Get ready... because the 2008 Winter of Weird is almost at its close!
(03/25/2008)
You may know it as Twitch of the Death Nerve; you may know it as A Bay of Blood; you may know it as Ecologia del delitto; you may have seen movies that have liberally ripped it off... You may not know it at all.
By any name, Reazione a catena is a very influential slasher flick from Clan Bava that deserves its space among the best and most prototypical Slasher/ Splatter movies of all time.
And since it was also Banned in the UK as a Video Nasty (under the title Bloodbath), it's also the next entry in our Slasher Streak... sailing on to the Final Fall of the Video Nasties and the end of our Winter of Weird 2008!
(03/25/2008)
Okay, since I didn't say it before: Boy am I glad I'm finally done with all those horrible Cannibal ExploitationVideo Nasties so that I can finally get back to reviewing all those horrible SlasherVideo Nasties!
Next is a Deep Cut into the Final Fall of the Video Nasties called Nightmare, but perhaps better known, at least in Merry Old England, as: Nightmare in a Damaged Brain!
It's been done... but, hey... AAAAAAAAH? Hey!
(03/24/2008)
Well, that's enough Cannibal Exploitation, let's get back to the Video Nasties (those of you in the know... be patient).
Our last Video Nasty was Rosso Sangue (you may know it as either Zombie 6 or Absurd). Rosso Sangue literally translates from the Italian to "Red Blood", which gives us a perfect bridge into our next VIDEO NASTY streak, the SLASHER streak, starting with:
Blood Feast, the absolute oldest film on the List.
It also links well with our last streak because... well, as the title suggests, it's got its fair share of cannibalism.
And for those of you celebrating Easter today (like I am)... Blood Feast is so shockingly technicolor, you might just be fooled into thinking you're dying eggs!
So enjoy (if you can) Blood Feast, the first in our "Slasher Streak" series, helping to close out WorldsGreatestCritic.com's final weeks of the Winter of Weird 2008 and bring about the final fall of the video nasties.
(03/23/2008)
I guess we can call this the "holocaust" mini-streak within our The Cannibal Exploitation streak during WorldsGreatestCritic.com's final weeks of the Winter of Weird 2008!
Just as with Jungle Holocaust before it, Zombi Holocaust was so close to being banned in the UK as a Video Nasty, it could practically taste it. But... it escaped unscathed.
I theorize that this is, in part, due to the fact that the censors got bored watching it and gave it a defacto pass, turning it off half way through. That's too bad, as our lead's incredible clad-only-in-paint scenes only grace the final act! Dude. So hot.
Those of you nostalgic for Zombi 2 can likewise be comforted by this film, as Zombi Holocaust is primarily the same damned thing!
(03/23/2008)
The Cannibal Exploitation streak continues now as we seek to close out WorldsGreatestCritic.com's Winter of Weird 2008!
And you true-fans know just what's next, right? After all, there is only one Cannibal Exploitation Flick left on the list of Video Nasties that I haven't reviewed yet! I'll give you a hint... It's directed by a man named Deodato...
If you guessed Cannibal Holocaust, then you are absolutely... WRONG!
In fact, this next film isn't even a Video Nasty.Instead, let's take a look at the film that came so close to being a Video Nasty that tons of people have assumed it was one... Folks, come and listen to my story 'bout Ultimo Mondo Cannibale, perhaps better known by its international English title Last Cannibal World, or its US Cash-In title: Jungle Holocaust. Three words describing why you SHOULD watch this:
Me... Me... Lai!
(03/22/2008)
Our 2008 Winter of Weird Cannibal Exploitation streak continues now with the next chapter in our final fall of the Video Nasties!
This one actually came out the same week as Cannibal Apocalypse, which suggests a certain same-ness at the Box Office during the August of 1980.
Enjoy Antropophagus (AKA: Anthropophagous: The Beast) if you can. But be wary... this isn't the Hello Kitty Islands of Adventure theme!
(03/20/2008)
The Cannibal Exploitation streak of the 2008 Winter of Weird's "Final Fall of the Video Nasties" continues now with the very strange entry onto the list and into the genre known as Cannibal Apocalypse, Apocalypse Domani, Invasion of the Fleshhunters and a whole fuckload of other names. In fact, it is, by my estimation, the most renamed flick on the whole list of Nasties.
Pick a name, any name, don't show me what it is!
Seriously, please don't. I'm burned out, people, burned out!
(03/19/2008)
Boy am I glad I'm finally done with all those horrible NazisploitationVideo Nasties so that I can finally get back to reviewing all those horrible Cannibal ExploitationVideo Nasties!
And now that I'm finally done with that insane "Animal Crap" streak, I can really make good on that promise... starting now...
So, just as our Nazisploitation Streak linked directly into the Animal Crap streak (from La Bestia In Calore to La Maldición de la bestia), the final flick in the Animal Crap streak, Night of the Bloody Apes links directly into the first flick of our Cannibal streak:
BLOODEATERS!
Not just because they have "Blood" in the title either... but also because they're both terrible. This one was released (and banned) in the UK as "Forest of Fear", which doesn't quite as immediatly scream "TURKEY!" as loud as "Bloodeaters" does, but that doesn't help the content much. Gotta love this, man. Stoned Hippie Zombies in a movie written and directed by a high-priced Lawyer.
Man.
(03/18/2008)
I haven't forgotten that we've got precious little time left to get through the remaining Video Nasties before the 2008 Winter of Weird comes to its inevitable close. So, let us now return to the garbage as our Animal Crap Streak both continues and concludes with Night of the Bloody Apes That's right, folks, first it was Night of the Howling Beast, then Night of the Demon and now, the inevitable (though regretable) Night of the Bloody Apes. A terrible (yet terribly funny) movie, saved by some really lovely women!
(03/15/2008)
INDIE INTERLUDE: It's beginning to look a lot like SPRING... but the 2008 Winter of Weird is still in Full Swing! Now, back to the Independent Films... Like The Final Patient, a well done picture with good ideas and a very good lead, but not quite enough budget to get it over the finish line. Still... considering all... I rather dig it.
Everyone knows it's BUTTERScotch.
(03/15/2008)
Let's take a hard-earned and much needed break from this season with the well-oiled machine known as There Will Be Blood. You had to be aware that there would be a review! (03/13/2008)
I also indicated that I was done with those damned Nazisploitation flicks... but as a stop-gap measure, I'm throwing in a couple of movies I hate to spice us all up as we roll through the final month of the 2008 Winter of Weird.
Here's a weird, morally reprehensible and devoid-of-grace piece of horse shit called Ilsa, Harem Keeper of the Oil Sheiks the first, and probably worst sequel to the joyless Ilsa, She Wolf of the SS.
Although it's not really Nazisploitation this time, it's more of the same until they try to top themselves, creating a nauseating blend of cheese, corn and crap. Don't bother with this one. I'm watching bad movies so you don't have to.
(03/07/2008)
Like I said, the rest of the Video Nasties are being burned off in streaks as we finish off the 2008 Winter of Weird!
From La Bestia In Calore to La Maldición de la bestia, which had many alternate titles including Night of the Howling Beast and kicked off our ANIMAL CRAP streak.
So, let's progress down the regrettable and ill-advised path of continuing the Animal Crap streak by moving from Night of the Howling Beast straight into
Night of the Demon!
Yes... Night of the Demon, which is sure to cause a few involuntary reactions and/ or reflexes. If you're still thinking "Hey, I'll watch it anyway!", let me advise you of this one more thing... It's yet another low budget BIGFOOT movie. This one with quite a twist in the look of our leading monst-
Well, just read it, you'll see what I mean!
(03/02/2008)
When discussing what the perfect Guy Pearce movie would be to feature in the 2008 Winter of Weird, the obvious choice was Memento.
But as you're well aware, "Obvious" isn't something I often do.
So, please sit down for the 1999 FEAST known as RAVENOUS... Actually, now that I think about it... Animal Crap... Cannibal Crap? That is kind of obvious, isn't it? Well, read it anyway... and don't forget that
"As your body grows bigger, your mind grows flowers, it's great to learn 'Cause KNOWLEDGE IS POWER!"
Mom, Mom, Mom... Remember how you freaked out at the sight of the poster for The Funhouse? Well, trust me... don't read this review because... damn!
The rest of you, get ready for Kneumsi's take on RAVENOUS...
(02/28/2008)
Last night my daughter and I trekked to the Nuart Theatre in Los Angeles for one of those rare movies that I simply refuse to miss! Give up? George A. Romero's Diary of the Dead, now in theatrical release!
Plus Romero himself was there to introduce the film in a rare appearance with a promised Q&A session to follow.
I had started the whole story about meeting the guy in person... which didn't happen, of course. He came, we applauded (on our feet, of course), he introduced the film and left faster than a Zombie in a Snyder flick! So... that's the story. But if it's any consolation, here are some lovely photos (though, none of him here)... plus, my glowing review is extra long, baby! So... brew coffee!
Clockwise from left:
The Nuart Marquee featuring one killer Flick!
Luckily we got there early... RIGHT AFTER CHURCH!
My daughter, Alex, prepping for the unknown.
The BLAST promising Uncle George's appearance in person!
(02/18/2008)
More Weirdness? Okay!
A band called "PHOENIX CLUB" once opened for the Star Doors... that was before they became "A FIRE INSIDE SIMPLE MINDS", of course. Basically what this means is that by combining AFI's "Days of the Phoenix" with just a tad of "Don't You Forget About Me" and "Helter Skelter" I've now become the MILLIONTH disaffected '80s kid to upload a Breakfast Club Video (with apologies to John Hughes).
(02/18/2008)
What do you get when you mix Anakin Skywalker with Henry the Serial Killer, Mace Windu, Billy Elliot and the naked lady from Unfaithful?
Apparently you get the Sci-Fi, Action Thriller Jumper! Put your Jumper on and check it out, kids! (02/17/2008)
INDIE INTERLUDE: Thank heavens for WEIRD INDIES... like this one.
This episode from a half-hour horror/ mystery/ sci-fi anthology is no throwback to Tales from the Crypt... No, it's a throwback all the way to The Twilight Zone. With that in mind it's a great short film in its own right that manages to be both classically inspired and post-modern at the same time. A big 2008 Winter of WeirdHUZZAH! goes out to The Realm of Never: Moratorium! (02/15/2008)
Weird Surprises certainly qualify for the 2008 Winter of Weird and the success of a certain fake documentary from the late 1990s certainly is a surprise.
The movie itself? 100% Weird. Though, sadly, not 100% Entertaining. And, while it's true that The Blair Witch Project is a variation on something that has already been done, pretty much all that needs to be said about The Blair Witch Project has already been said, so... both the film and my review were unnecessary. (02/12/2008)
You want weird? Well check out my latest VIDEO EDIT.
I'm barely in it, but you might recognize this classic band from a long time ago.
They're called... the Star Doors and here they are with their biggest hit "Set the Night on Fire"!
(02/09/2008)
There are all kinds of ways I considered introducing this next review.
It's yet another of those really crappy Nazisploitation flicks (unsurprisingly, I've yet to find a good one), but this one was notlisted as a video nasty, which means I didn't HAVE to watch or review it. I figured I'd be remiss if I didn't review one of the biggest of the entire genre, so that the rest of the degenerate story can be told.
I hate Nazis, man.
But this way I can get them all completed and out of the way during the Winter of Weird and get back to things I like writing about.
You know me, I'm watching BAD MOVIES so you don't have to!!!
Well, good news, notoriety or not, you now don't have to watch Ilsa, She Wolf of the SS. I wish I hadn't. (02/07/2008)
And now for something completely different...
The beautiful thing about Winter of Weird is that it's always about something different.
Moving away from the pack is this surreal film based on the true story of a celebrity who finds himself almost completely paralyzed due to a massive stroke. So he writes a book. That's what I'd do, actually... but doing it his way... wow!
Check out Le Scaphandre et le papillon or, as it has been released in the US: The Diving Bell and the Butterfly! This is scary, man! (02/03/2008)
It's a good thing that these "Ultra Indies" are so commonly "Weird", because that allows me to make good on a lot of owed INDIE INTERLUDEs during this, The 2008 Winter of Weird!
And now for a completely unexpected next film from ol' "Alex F." (Cue Beverly Hills Cop theme here).
It's a prequel to an upcoming feature and the second riff (so far) on a theme introduced over the summer with Cyn. It's called Red Princess Blues Animated: The Book of Violence
and it reads like a cool comic book. That can be good and it can be bad, but it's always beautiful. (01/29/2008)
We break now for an INDIE INTERLUDE while keeping one rolling strong with The 2008 Winter of Weird!
I get to review a lot of Independent Films and even the "Ultra Indies" that I've been lucky enough to be among the first to see. I'm not an easy grader either, though I recognize what it takes to put together a good, experimental film on a shoestring budget.
In the case of Crimson, my review has taken on a strange turn, mostly because I know that this film could have been better than it was, being familiar with the work of its creators. By no means was this written with a mind to hurt feelings. Instead it was written with a mind to knowing this bump in the road doesn't equate to a broken bridge.
Check out Crimson, the experimental vampire movie with a new edge that could have been much better. (01/26/2008)
I can't wait to finish reviewing all these horrible Nazisploitation flicks so that I can get back to reviewing all those horrible Cannibal flicks!
Yes, The 2008 Winter of Weird is forced to continue once again with yet another Video Nasty. This time it's called The Beast in Heat!
And what ever you may be thinking when you hear a title like "This time it's called The Beast in Heat!", that's how it is!
(01/22/2008)
For my first actual review of a 2008 Film, I'm lucky enough to get a movie that almost perfectly exemplifies The 2008 Winter of Weird!
Rambo?
No!
Cloverfield! The Giant Monster Movie packed with CGI and filmed in that crazy cinema verite style that remains so shrouded in mystery, its first trailers (and posters) didn't even carry the film's name! What's more, I'm STILL spoiler free on this one.
A buddy of mine emailed me while I was writing the review, I opened it, didn't look, hit CTRL+F, typed in "CLOVER" and hit ENTER. When the Search wasn't rejected I said "I shan't be reading this one!"
See Cloverfield, if for no other reason than to see the new preview for Star Trek! And if you decide to stay through the credits... Bring Dramamine!
Jol yIchu! (01-18-08)
Sometimes the future is so bright you gotta wear shades... and sunscreen and avoid crucifixes and garlic and...
Matheson told us the story of what happens when the whole world vamps out and the horrific legends of today are inverted. In 2007, the story has been translated to film (for the third time) starring that Fresh Prince kid. It's not the book, but it sure as stakin' ain't so bad. Check out I Am Legend... it neither sucks nor bites!
(01/18/08)
Well I have to burn these NazisploitationVideo Nasties off somehow, so let's continue with another bad movie called SS Experiment Camp which was made for all the wrong reasons and added to THE LIST for all the right reasons. What a joke.
(01/17/08)
Would you call a Television Show based on The Terminator, minus its creator a "Weird Idea"?
Perhaps. I would simply call it a BAD idea. They made one, though.
That said, the show really isn't so bad, but it maintains the weirdness. Check out Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles: "Pilot" and "Gnothi Seauton"... You'll love the star.
By the way, you can LITERALLY check it out if you scroll to the bottom of the page.
(01/16/08)
It was kind of a weird idea to begin with, taking the weird nightmare from one film and putting it up against the weird monster from another film and seeing what happens. The fact that it was first done in a Comic Book adds another layer of weirdness, too.
I'm speaking, of course, of the match up we see again in AVPR. Yes, once more into the bleachers we go to see Aliens (plural this time) battling Predator (still singular). This time whoever wins, the Franchise is still doomed!
(01/14/08)
The Video Nasties won't dominate all of The 2008 Winter of Weird, but let's face facts... the Video Nasties are almost all "WEIRD"!
This next one is definitely no exception to the rule.
Forty-One Reviews ago or so I stated that there was a reason I was doing so very many Cannibal Film Reviews in a row and that the reason in question would become very clear, very soon.
Apparently I lied... but I'll tell you the reason now: The list of Video Nasties is just NASTY with Nazisploitation flicks... and I hate Nazis. But it's time to get them the hell out of the way.
Be aware, these flicks don't constitute some pro-Reich film festival by any means. In fact, the Nazis always find REVENGE being taken against them. That said they all seem to really suck!
And now for the film said to have started it all: Love Camp 7!
I know, I know, I'm sorry. Look I just review them, I don't make them.
(01/10/08)
The Dog Days of Summer 2007 were all about the Video Nasties, but I had a lot more to review, so I kept the seasons rolling with Fall... in Love with a Video Nasty which, quite obviously was also all about the Video Nasties! But I'm still not done, so I belabor the whole WorldsGreatestCritic.com "Seasonal" thing with The 2008 Winter of Weird which is, I hate to tell you, also all about the Video Nasties!
For those of you completely burned out on the whole concept and for those of you who wonder why I couldn't review all seventy-four over the summer and end the whole "Different Seasons" thing with the bang of the Video Nasties and for those of you who are wondering why you're still reading, not just this paragraph, but the entire site and for those of you who wonder why an American kid from Louisiana who now lives a stone's throw from Hollywood is reviewing a bunch of films that were banned in England and for those of you who wonder why I made it a point to get through all 35 of the Secondary Video Nasties before I completed the 39 original Video Nasties I dedicate this next review... it's one of the better Video Nasties, partially because it's from none other than sweet, sweet Asia's parents.
Enjoy Tenebrae by Maestro Argento himself and don't bother correcting me on the spelling of that either... I do realize that often it's spelled Tenebre! Just... Just beware of psychotic fans. They tend to Oscilate! No stalkers, please... I've been through that and... ick! (01/06/08)
INTRODUCING: The Next Season of World's Greatest Critic Greatness! The 2008 Winter of Weird! Are you tired of this whole "Season" thing we've been doing since the sixth of June 2006? Me too, but I've got more Video Nasties to review, so deal with it, Pink Boy! How can you deal with this shocker? Well, peace be with you, YOU'RE ALREADY IN IT! The 2008 Winter of Weird Preview-Debuted on December 28, 2007... I just didn't bother telling you! Say, didn't I do that with Spring Into Action? Isn't that kind of cheap and tacky? No! Well... Yes. DEAL WITH IT, PINK BOY! (01/02/08)
HAPPY NEW YEAR! But why Enjoy this great year that is to come? Instead, why not live in the past a little longer, and stick with your overwhelming nostalgia for 2007! That's right, it's here, the annual Kneumsi Year in Review... Please enjoy The Top and Bottom 7 of 2007... (plus the WTFs)! Or... Don't enjoy them! Fine! See if I care! (01/01/08)
WorldsGreatestCritic.com is a comedy site (to all of you out there who just said "Really?", I hope a Hamster bites you). But one thing on this site that is always taken seriously is the Annual Dead Man of the Year Awards. This year is no different. For our third award, we re-visit a man whose impact on entertainment, this year and beyond is immeasurable. And don't worry, True Believers... this time he's much, much funnier than I am! Enjoy the 2007 Dead Man of the Year Award, which goes to... Well, click and see... (12/31/2007)
I'm not that big a fan of Tim Burton or Johnny Depp, so I decided not to bother seeing BWAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
Sorry, I almsot got that out without laughing!
What could be more perfect to follow up such unspeakable horrors and bloody spectacles as The Toolbox Murders, Nightmare Maker, Shogun Assassin, The Evil Dead and Can't Stop the Music? How about with the Film Adaptation of Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street? For those of you who like Musicals, like Horror and have the stomach for Gore (note: I don't mean former Vice President Al), this one is for you. If you only fall into one of those three (or were expecting Al), you should apply elsewhere. By the way, if you think this long-ass review sucks, you should see the jokes I DIDN'T use! (12/28/2007)
'Tis the day after Christmas and all through my Apt.
Disco is pumping, although I think it's Crap.
My daughter has boggarted herself a new Zune
And has spent fourteen hours just locked in her room
The dance beats kept pumping real loud in my brain
Even much louder than my Commuter Train!
We've just emerged from two full seasons of scares
And the end of the year blitz is ALWAYS a Bear!
For some reason I am quite the punishment glut
It's Christmas Turkey time; I should kick my own butt!
So though I'm at work at my day job until 5
I wrote your Christmas Turkey, so I'll still feel alive!
For too long ago there arrived in the mail
A DVD Movie that told a Mad tale!
A word of foreboding came too on a sign
That read “Can't Stop is the worst movie of all time.”
That was November of 2005
It came with The Beyond (Dude, I’m glad I survived!).
But Beyond I reviewed in less than four weeks
What can I say, I’m a big Horror Geek!
The other was a film to make me sick and you sick
A Disco Autobiography called Can’t Stop the Music!
That year our first Turkey was called Christmas Evil Can’t Stop stayed hidden in my brain like a weevil.
Bad movies reviews flowed much like Zombie Lake
But a Village People movie seemed too hard to take.
The person who sent it admitted it blew
In fact he was quite sure I would think so too!
Over two years have passed since, I sadly do know,
It’s Turkey Time again, and a bad review, I owe!
So on the big day, I tainted my brain
Watching Can’t Stop the Music, oh what a strain!
The cast and crew, I’m sure, all meant us no harm
Still I watched this film with a sense of alarm.
Bad tidings all formed in my brain like a bad shtick
What could be the Future of Can’t Stop the Music?
This future’s dark Christmas was most certainly not Merry
After this flick’s damage, the world was quite scary!
And though Val Perrine got Naked, you know
I still found it quite hard to finish the show!
But I bore through each second, gritting my teeth
Even when all the nude men drew “swords” from their sheaths!
I revised my notion of Can’t Stop real quick.
I thought this a family film, but I just saw his Dick!
Today as I feign work, I write my review
It’s the day after Christmas and I’m Rhyming for you!
And though most of my readers will find this quite lame
It’s your fault for reading, you know I’m insane!
How’d this film avoid being called “Video Nasty” In England where surely they knew this a Travesty?
If you think it cruel to say so, hold on there, Fred Newsweek compared it to Dawn of the Dead!
So Laughing and Smiling, yet holding my nose,
I review The Village People, including Felipe Rose!
And if this means my job (writing while working)
At least Can’t Stop the Music is 2007’s Christmas Turkey!
(12/26/07)
All Nasty Things must come to an end, and that includes our latest season of FALL... In Love with a VIDEO NASTY!
As promised, so far all of the "Secondary Video Nasties" are complete as of today, Christmas 2007. Complete now, due to the much anticipated review of The Evil Dead, and while you could say that I saved the second for first, you can't say I didn't save the best for last... of the second... which I did first!
Don't fret, folks, we've got the end of the year BLITZ coming up, then, of course, our next season, tentatively called Winter of Weird, during which we will explore some truly bizarre films, including the remainder of the original Video Nasties. But for now, it's 1:28 AM in Tustin, California, it's Christmas and I'm going the fuck to sleep! For you, enjoy The Evil Dead, the Ultimate Experience in Grueling Horror! See you in the next reel! (12/25/2007)
Show of hands... who amongst you is tired of the whole Video Nasty thing?
Well too bad. But here's one that's actually quite good! It's called Shogun Assassin and it's in a class of its own. Check it out... it might just... change... your Life! (12/24/2007)
Merry Christmas Eve, everybody! Thirty-Two of the Secondary Video Nasties down, three to go before we close FALL... In Love with a VIDEO NASTY and move on to our next season (after the End-Of-Year Blitz you know and love).
Better make that two to go after Night Warning! Check it out before it's GAME OVER, MAN!!! (12/24/2007)
FALL... In Love with a VIDEO NASTY moves from a Tobe Hooper movie to a movie later remade by Tobe Hooper!
For those of you about to open your new set of Craftsman Tools under the tree, here's my contribution: The Toolbox Murders from 1978! Get ready for blood, get ready for violence, get ready for beauty, get ready to have no questions about just why this one was banned as one of the Video Nasties! (12/24/2007)
From one Master of Horror to another, here's one of Two Video Nasties from Dario Argento... and interestingly enough, both on the list also feature Asia's mom!
This one is called Inferno! It's one of the SECONDARY Video Nasties and it's also the second entry in the "Three Mothers Trilogy", which started with Susperia and just concluded with Mother of Tears: The Third Mother! This one is shocking and mysterious, but folks, it's FAR from NASTY! Inferno... it burns. (12/23/2007)
I get a lot of reader mail in relation to this site, mostly positive. Interestingly enough the most reader mail I get in the neagtive catagory is related to anything and everything I've written about one Tobe Hooper.
Most of it comes from people who are still convicned that The Texas Chain Saw Massacre was real. It wasn't.
The rest comes from those who know The Texas Chain Saw Massacre wasn't real, but are completely confused by the fact that the reviews on this site have so far insulted the lame remake and the stupid fourth entry into the original series, but haven't touched upon the original in any material way. Often they misinterpret all this as an insult to Tobe Hooper himself. None of it is.
But for those of you in either category who have just been itching and itching and itching to offer up some hate mail because you haven't got anything better to do and the alternative is taking out the garbage like your mommy wants you to... Here's your next reason for living... My review of the next Video Nasty from Tobe Hooper: Eaten Alive! (12/23/2007)
Never let it be said that Dr. Kneumsi ain't got the cure for what ails you! This next Video Nasty and I go way back! You could say, it's just what the Slasher ordered!
It's called Visiting Hours, and it's quite the shock therapy treatment for you horror fans who love Hospital Thrillers. It stars Damien Thorn's aunt, Captain Kirk and and Sam Fisher from the Splinter Cell games (not that I... play or anything).
Yep, this is most certainly my movie, and worthy of the one more before the night ends distinction. If you question it, why not take a good look at the "What's New" symbol just above there... ah? That look familiar to you true believers? Ah? AAAAAAH?
Pay a visit to Visiting Hours, folks and see what I'm talking about! Yeah... we go way back, kids!
(12/21/2007)
But enough about ZOMBIES! Some films on the List of Video Nasties are decidedly... ALIEN in nature... and influence... and source material.
I'm speaking, of course variance, of 1983's Xtro, a weird film from weird people about weird aliens and weird happenstances with all kinds of weird weirdness weirding out the whole shebang. Perhaps seeing how VERY bad an Alienripoff can be caused me to go a little easy on Xtro, but then again... Nah!
(12/21/2007)
Don't you just love it when I get on a Zombie Streak? Well FALL... In Love with a VIDEO NASTY now continues with our MINI-STREAK with the Video Nasty known as a whole lot of things... but was banned in England as Living Dead at Manchester Morgue! Grab a cop friend and settle in for this one. Yeah!
(12/20/2007)
FALL... In Love with a VIDEO NASTY has been all about Fall, but in a few short days Fall will End and Winter will begin. What does this mean? It means it's COLD OUTSIDE! Well, at least it's cold for most of you. I live in Southern California and right now our winter weather is... 64 degrees. I'm wearing my leather coat and my Wool Scarf, folks!
But for you Horror Fans that ARE frozen, let me offer unto you today's Video Nasty! It's called Frozen Scream, but judging from Quality alone, I'm thinking they should have called it "Frozen Turkey" or "Frozen Bomb" or "Frozen Dog"!
This is another of the 14 Video Nasties that are still banned to this day. Why that is, besides horrifying ineptitude, I'll never know. Decide for yourself, click here for my review of Frozen Scream and get bummed by the banned (but keep your coat on, man)!
(12/19/2007)
A message to all readers in College. "What, are you Nuts? Get off this site and go study!"
For those of you College folks still around, here's my contribution to your Finals Week! Yes, it's one of the Video Nasties and if you thought your time in College was a nightmare, then check out The Dorm that Dripped Blood! If that sounds like what you went through during Rush Hazing, let me confirm that for you, as the British release title was Pranks! (12/18/2007)
And it never ends.
My re-directed focus on the SECONDARY Video Nasties continues now with yet another Women's Prison movie. This time it's from the USA. This time it might even feature some faces you'll recognize... This time it still sucks! Check out my review for Human Experiments and watch the fractured psychology of a mad doctor and his unwilling subjects!
Yeah, I want to kick his ass now too!
(12/17/2007)
When reviewing the Video Nasties two names of Non-exploitation films keep popping up. Both are critically acclaimed, both are far removed from the Video Nasties in all other ways.
For the Cannibal and Jungle Adventure films the film we keep hearing about is A Man Called Horse... but for Revenge thrillers (and more), it's this one: The Virgin Spring!
It's time to stop talking about it and actually review it... click here for my breathtaking review of The Virgin Spring and see what you can learn... beyond just vengeance.
(12/15/2007)
Coming up next is a (Drum Roll) Video Nasty!
This one looked to be completely off the beaten path, but was, in actuality, yet another follower of the Virgin Spring formula. The added element of racism and blaxploitation ups the ante a few notches. There are some surprises here, but the main interesting point here is the exploration of how far you have to be pushed before you Fight For Your Life!
(12/14/2007)
When reviewing the Video Nasties two names of Non-exploitation films keep popping up. Both are critically acclaimed, both are far removed from the Video Nasties in all other ways.
For Revenge thrillers (and more) the film we keep hearing about is The Virgin Spring... but for the Cannibal and Jungle Adventure films, it's this one: A Man Called Horse!
It's time to stop talking about it and actually review it... click here for my biting review of A Man Called Horse and see what you can learn... beyond just escape.
(12/13/2007)
Our next Video Nasty didn't come from ol' "Hey Zeus" Franco! That's the good news.
The bad news is that it came from... OOM-Bear-Toe Lenzi! The good news is that it's an influential and noteworthy film with lots of beautiful women! The bad news is... it's just another Cannibal Flick!
And a Rip Off at that.
But hey, here's some good news! It's not just another rip off of The Virgin Spring! The bad news is that it's just another rip off of another fine film... A Man Called Horse! What's it called? The Man from Deep River amongst other things.
Good times, bad times... The good news is that this is the best flick I've reviewed by Lenzi. The bad news is... that's not saying much! (12/07/2007)
I realize, and have realized for quite some time, that many, nay, most of you have said to yourselves "You know what J.C.'s website lacks? Reviews of Women's Prison movies!"
Well, you all need think such thoughts any more, for here comes your minimum DEADLY allowance of Video Nasties with one of Senior Franco's many, many, many entries into the Women's Prison genre.
It's called (appropriately) Women Behind Bars! Is it HOT? At times it sure can be! Is it Nasty? Yep, this one made the list for a damned good reason! Is the movie any good? Nope! (12/03/2007)
There are a ton of reasons that I saw The Mist on opening day (many of which I recount for you ad nauseum in my review).
There are even more reasons that the review didn't go up before today. What can I say, folks, the Thanksgiving Turkey, the Video Nasties, family in town, friends needing me... plus I have a life... all of that combined to give you this review now. Don't bitch, there are starving people this holiday season who aren't getting any reviews at all! Read my review for Stephen King's The Mist and you'll wish you were one of them! (12/01/07)
Well, it's a rainy day in Southern California, and it's got me thinking about those good times... something... tropical... something... oh, I don't know! For a change of pace, how about something from the Video Nasties?
(Look, folks, don't bitch, I've got half of these to go before Christmas and there's no way I'm gonna make it!!!)
Who amongst you is ready for another Cannibal Movie? That few huh? Okay, then... for those of you still here, check out yet another entry from Senior Franco on that list of Nasty Videos... The Devil Hunter... also known as Sexo caníbal! It's also... just about as bad as you could possibly believe! (11/30/2007)
You survived the BITE of the Great White TURKEY, and now it's back to the same old crap! One name that seems to keep appearing on the list of Video Nasties is that of a certain Senior Franco. His nickname was Jess, but his birth name was Jesus. That's about the only thing he's got in common with our Lord and Saviour, though!
Okay, I'll be nice. Franco's contribution (if you can call it that) to the Slasher Genre was known as Bloody Moon! In true Franco Style, there's a bevy of boobs a gigaton of gore and Boat Load of BAD! Is it at all surprising that Franco's exploitation money machine dipped into the slaughter-at-college subgenre of slasher flicks? Not really. The surprising part is that anyone involved in this movie (actor, character, cast or crew) went to College at all! (11/27/2007)
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. As per Tradition we now present our 2007 Thanksgiving Turkey! Would it surprise you to note that it is not a Video Nasty? In fact, it's something of a sequel to last year's Thanksgiving Turkey. If you ever wondered more about Ricky... now you'll find you weren't alone. If you haven't wondered about that ever, ever, ever, then you're definitely not alone. Happy Holidays and enjoy your Thanksgiving Turkey... Jaws: The Revenge! Oh, that's a bad DOGFISH there! (November 22, 2007)
Supplimental (November 24, 2007): A Sidebar has been Added to the Jaws: The Revenge, celebrating the Razzie Award-winning Special Effects. Take another look and see even more reasons to STAY OUT OF THE WATER!
Ah, yes, Santa Monica! The Pier, the Stars, the Ocean, the Shops, the... Video Nasty?! If you think that's weird, the fact that the nice lady who played Anne Frank in 1959 gets naked in this next movie might really blow your mind.
But for all of you who are tired of watching all those nasty videos of serial killers stalking innocent women, this is my contribution: The Witch who Came from the Sea! Yeah, she did a lot of other things in the sea too. Nice mermaid, baby! (11/20/2007)
I've got a real thing for "Dr. Girlfriend". There, I said it. Disturbing, isn't it? But enough about that. Now for an EDUCATIONAL Video Nasty! What else could I be talking about, but Terror Eyes? Or, as it was released in the USA: Night School? Taking a page from the Boomtown Rats' remembrance of the exploits of Brenda Ann Spencer, "The lesson today is HOW TO DIE!" But let's be safe, kids... wear your helmets! (11/18/2007)
Yesterday I took the train from Tustin to Oceanside, then another from Oceanside to San Diego, where I work... without checking to see if I could get back the same way.
Turns out you can't.
On the way down there was a borderline psychotic who seemed normal enough until his polite conversation turned into nervous reaction at every interrogative. It probably didn't help that the dude looked like a cross between Charles Manson and Muhammed Atta. You ever see one of those "Crazy Eyed" dudes? This guy did that for split seconds, which was somehow even scarier than the folks who do it all the damned time. For example, he said he was trying to get to Utah and was "hopping trains" to get there. When I asked him where he was from originally his eyes went all psychotic and darted about the cabin. I finally said "All over, then, huh?"
Now, knowing that there are thousands upon thousands of Southern California train commuters each day the next chapter of this gets weirder. Around 5 PM I decided to check the Train Schedule to see how I was getting home, only to find that the trains didn't go back that way at all. This forced me to take an Amtrak (meaning, my Round Trip tickets were no good and I had to spend more bucks). Naturally it was at that point that I realized what my readers have known all along... I'm stupid. This is compounded by the fact that the Amtrak doesn't stop in Tustin... which is where my car was. Yeah, there's planning for you.
Anyway, Trains, to this day, still work as we see in the movies. You board, then they ask for your ticket en route. If you don't have a ticket, you're booted off the train (politely). Shortly before my last stop I heard the conductor asking someone for his ticket and ID. He didn't have either one. So she said he needed to buy one, which was fine, it was only $13.50 He said he had no money. She said he had to get off at the next stop. I didn't think anything about it until we got close and I grabbed my bags from the overhead compartment, only to find that the dude she was asking to leave was the same psycho from the same morning.
Utah, huh?
I guess that means he meant "Hopping Trains" in the Hobo sense. Hence his frequent disappearances during the morning conversation. See the conductor? Hide in the Can.
Regardless, as I made my way out front (remember my car was at a totally different station) I heard his profanity-laced diatribe against Amtrak, their collective intelligence quotient and various branches both above and below the employees of said Train Company on their respective family trees. I successfully ducked the dude until I made my way from the premises. It wasn't that I was afraid... I just have a very low tolerance for irritating people.
Weird, Weird, Weird!
Anyway, the list of Video Nasties are good for many, many things, not the least of which is showing one that no matter how weird things get in real life, there's always something weirder in the fictional nastiness of their videos.
Case in point: Possession, a film so weird it makes ol' Crazy Eyed Muhammed Manson Hobo Guy look like Pat Sajak. Less scary, even. It's really not bad, but it's also really not accessible. In fact, it might have been labeled as "Obscene" by the BBFC not because of actual content, but because nobody could figure it out. It's like "I don't get this, blokes... Let's ban it just in case!"
Possession... I mean... damn. (11/15/2007)
Not all of the Video Nasties are bad. This one is, though. Here's a movie that sucks: Delirium!
It's about some impotent jackass Viet Nam Vet and the women he kills simply because he's a douche. Man, I feel sorry for this movie. I really, really do. (11/12/2007)
We'll stick with the whole "Burning" theme for just a little bit longer as we take a look at our next Video Nasty. It's called Don't go in the House, but its working title was... The Burning! While I'll admit that the List of Video Nasties didn't really need yet another The Burning lurking around in its ranks, I can honestly say that it needed another flick with a title starting with "don't" even less.
(11/08/2007)
Though the warm winds of Santa Ana threatened to re-ignite the ferocious flames of Southern California, I spent the weekend rock climbing in Joshua Tree. After returning to discover that the fires had not flared to a significant degree, I realized it was no longer in terribly bad taste to post this review: The Burning! This Video Nasty, on the other hand, may never truly be in good taste! While this slasher thriller about a deformed maniac might sound familiar, it's actually not what you might be expecting. But you'll find enough to get familiar with in the cast and crew credits. If you last that long!
(11/05/2007)
Halloween day is worthy of more celebration, and while "The Shape" is our REAL "Boogeyman", he didn't actually make the list of Video Nasties!
So, let's pay another visit to that OTHERboogeyman with... The Boogeyman II! Trust me, this one makes Halloween 5 look like a CLASSIC! I remind you, folks, I'm watching bad movies so YOU DON'T HAVE TO!!!
(HALLOWEEN DAY, 2007)
Another (rather obvious) WorldsGreatestCritic.com Halloween tradition is reviewing our MICHAEL MYERS flicks... We knocked out III and 4 in 2006... but then, strangely, I and II, for some reason, were reviewed back in June of 2004. Okay, so much for tradition... Since you got your review of the remake back in September, you're getting Halloween 5 today. Make Way for the REAL BOOGEYMAN!!! (HALLOWEEN DAY, 2007)
The Past is the Past, but how about we tune in to the classic current horror to celebrate our Halloween? I think you hear me sawing, and I think I'm drawing blood. Ladies and germs, this weekend my daughter and I blitzed through each one of the Saw flicks, culminating with this past Friday's release: Saw IV! Fun for Fans... inaccessible for the rest... HAPPY HALLOWEEN, folks! (HALLOWEEN DAY, 2007)
Happy Halloween, folks. If you remember, last year we celebrated Halloween with a tribute to Lesbian Horror... this year... sorry, folks, we're celebrating with Video Nasties!
What do you think of when you hear the word "Halloween"? How about The Boogeyman? Check out the original and see why it was banned... "original" being a relative term!
I hope you enjoyed your break, folks, because it's back to the old crapola!
(HALLOWEEN DAY, 2007)
Usually there's a mix of the old, new, borrowed and blue on this site. Well, with 74 Video Nasties to review before Christmas, you're definitley getting more Old (or relatively old) than new, and I did have to beg, borrow and steal to get a lot of these... As for the Blue? Sorry, Michelle's in Law School, so I didn't go to the Long Beach fest this year. But I get it, I get it... you're looking for a change of pace, you're a bit burned out on the Nasties and you want something different, something on this site you might not see every day from me. Okay, you win.
How about a movie called I Miss You, Hugs and Kisses? That sounds like a nice change, doesn't it? That's the real title of this movie, and it's from Canada, no less. Romance, Globe-Trotting escapes, intrigue, love... it's all in there like PREGO! Plus, it I Miss You, Hugs and Kisses stands as the first full feature score by the now world renouned Howard Shore! So sit back, relax and enjoy my review of I Miss You, Hugs and Kisses. It's sure to be just what you're looking for in your search for that nice WorldsGreatestCritic.com change of pace!
Oh, I forgot to mention one thing... I Miss You, Hugs and Kisses was also banned in England in the 1980s as one of the DPP's Video Nasties! Please tell me you weren't buying it up until now! (10/28/07)
Happy Friday, folks! As a weekend gift to all of you Bond fans, it's time for me to review a movie featuring Ursula Undressed!
It's called Prisoner of the Cannibal God, amongst other things, and as sure as Ra-Ra-Mi rises like Olympus above New Guinea it's unmistakably one of the VIDEO NASTIES!
Folks, there's a reason I'm doing so many cannibal entries in this VIDEO NASTY group! It's not just the naked women either... it's a reason that will become very clear very soon. (10/26/07)
Folks, I'm reviewing every one of the VIDEO NASTIES by Christmas, but I'm not feeling RUSHED or anything... I still have HALLOWEEN to contend with.
The truth is, I just felt like posting a second one tonight because... I kind of like this Video Nasty!
It's called
